Handling the kids question when planning to TTC and TTC 4 months before Japan, stupid ide-“a?

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Hello! First time poster so please bear with!

I (28F) am planning on starting a family soon with my (27M) husband. We’ve always known we wanted kids and close friends of ours have recently announced so it’s brought up the conversation and timeline for us. We’d originally thought about TTC late next year and are now thinking more like early next year.

Up until this point whenever the conversation of kids has come up by others I’ve dealt with it with quite a strong response like ‘oh, definitely not for the next year!’ Or ‘I’ve got so much more to do before that!’ Or ‘Not anytime soon, we’re not ready for that’ That sort of thing to dismiss the topic. The problem is, now that it’s actually on the cards for quite soon I don’t want people to feel surprised by a pregnancy announcement from us (assuming all goes well) and for people to feel deceived in some way or to feel like this was an accident.

Any advice on how to manage this question in a way that doesn’t make people think it’s wildly off the cards but also not necessarily realise it’s imminent either (we have chosen to keep the decision to ourselves so if there’s difficulties we can choose to share this if/when we want). People don’t tend to ask directly ‘when’re you having kids’ which I appreciate but some people have asked like ‘are you pregnant?’ If I’m not drinking or something like that or will talk generally about other people and sort of muse ‘have you thought about it?’

Also, further question that I would love help with. Our current plan would involve TTC about 4 months before a holiday to Japan. Is this a really naïve idea? We’ve already booked and paid for it so we really can’t be cancelling or rescheduling. Or should we just wait?

Our thought process around not waiting is mainly impatience I think! And also the idea that if things aren’t plain sailing we’ll be grateful to have started early and if they are then the timing would work well as trimester 2 is the best time to travel (so I’m told?)

TL/DNR: how can I respond to the question of when kids without sounding like it’s so far out of the question? And is TTC 4 months before going on a trip to Japan a stupid idea?

Thanks!

Do people really ask you when you plan to have kids? If they asked me that I'd laugh and say mind your own business.

Honestly nobody will expect an announcement that you're ttc so they're not surprised when you tell them you're pregnant.

You don't owe anyone an explanation. You're seriously overthinking it. Just say you want kids when the time is right. People will think what they think no matter what you say or do. As regards your holiday: it would have been horrible for me at 4 months first time round, second time round no problem at all.

Yes you’re definitely right, 100% overthinking it 🤦‍♀️ first person in my family so feels like it’s all eyes at the moment!

I know these things can’t really be planned, but of course want to try haha

I wouldn't worry too much what others think, I would just avoid the question with a 'yeah maybe', you don't need to give that much of an in depth response and people will likely sense you don't want to talk about it.
With regards to the holiday, I personally wouldn't wait until afterwards but that's just my impatience.

Do people really ask you that? I've never experienced that. Just say 'maybe' or 'one day', or reprimand them for being nosy.
And I would wait until you are on the trip to TTC, at your age there's no rush. Obviously hope all goes well for you, but having recently had a loss, I would not have wanted to be that far from home. And you can't predict if you'll feel OK or very unwell during 1st trimester.

I don’t want people to feel surprised by a pregnancy announcement from us (assuming all goes well) and for people to feel deceived in some way or to feel like this was an accident.
Kindly - please don't live your life by what others think. This is especially important if your journey to having a baby isn't straightforward.

I think depends on who is asking but one of the following

• are you really asking about my sex life with your brother? (son / nephew works too)
• that's a bit of a personal question, don't you think?
• why do you want to know?
• I'm sure you'll find out eventually if and when we do have one
• probably around 9 months after I get pregnant

I love these, so going to steal them 🤣

“Not sure” and “well we’ll see” are my usual non-committal answers.

I am actually currently pregnant but haven’t told people and do get asked if I’m thinking about “baby number two”.

Haha love some of these responses.

If anyone asked me that they'd be sorry as I would very honestly answer "well actually we've already had two miscarriages this year..." !! I really hate that people would ever ask this question.

Japan - so hard to know. I think if it fell in 2nd trimester probs fine. But if you didn't conceive straight away I'd maybe pause so you wouldnt be in 1st trimester while away. With my successful pregnancy I was absolutely knackered and wouldn't have enjoyed it. I then lost two as mentioned above and wouldn't have wanted to be far from home going through that. But everyone is different and you'll get many different answers! Really up to you 😊

Thank you all for your responses around this! I definitely don’t want to be too weighed down by what others think just more that I guess maybe I’m still surprised at myself for getting to a point of being ready and just assuming others will feel the same (like you all said though, not that it matters!)

I think the points about avoiding trimester 1 is a great plan, and definitely agree that I don’t want to risk any complications that far from home. Very aware that losses do happen, and I’m sorry for those of you who’ve shared this happened but appreciate the candour.

Think it’s definitely an impatience thing! When we booked the trip we didn’t think we’d be keen to start trying this soon! Appreciate the advice all of you xx

Japan is amazing and some women feel absolutely horrendous in pregnancy, for such a big holiday and you’re still young, I’d wait until holiday to Ttc.