Extreme anxiety and TTC

[Orlahoping]

I suffer from anxiety with occasional depressive episodes. I had been generally doing well before we started TTC but as soon as we did start my anxiety hit the roof. We are only 3 months in so it's not related to a long time trying with no success. I am pretty sure however, that I managed to prevent ovulation this month with the level of stress I have been under.

I am aware what I have is a mental health issue rather than a fertility issue (although they aren't mutually exclusive), but I am just so scared that I won't get my anxiety under control during the TTC process and that either it will take ages or never happen. I keep convincing myself that I have things wrong with me (I do have some slight hormone imbalances), or that stress alone will stop me from getting pregnant. I have had a lot of people tell me to jsy relax or that it will never happen if I am this stressed. That might or might not be true but it isn't helpful as right now my anxiety is so high that I can't just turn the worry and stress off.

I am in the process of getting professional help and considering medication again, but in the meantime just wanted to hear from people who have maybe experienced similar? So far each cycle has got worse, but that's not sustainable if it will take c. a year to conceive. I'm late 30s, and partner is early 30s and we both really want a family...I just seem to have convinced myself it isn't going to happen.

I have my first therapy session next week and have been signed off work, so hopefully some positive steps.

Any reassuring stories or advice welcome.

Hi OP, in terms of the physical process of getting pregnant, your anxiety will have no effect whatsoever.

I know there is some evidence to suggest this, but I feel like the fact I am suddenly breakthrough bleeding and not ovulating in the peak of my anxiety is probably related to the impact stress hormones like cortisol and prolactin have on my cycle...

Stress can have an impact on progesterone levels, but you can definitely still get pregnant with high anxiety (I have twice!). Therapy really helps me, it allows me to manage my anxiety and regulate how I'm feeling. I had CBT which has given me tools to use if I feel anxiety rising. It's still not easy, for me both pregnancies ended in miscarriage so I have heightened anxiety about the whole thing now too, but there are definitely ways to help manage the anxiety and make the process less stressful.

I also totally get you when you say about people saying to "just relax" and there's always those stories of people who say "well we stopped 'trying' and stressing and it happened" but neither of those are helpful when you're in the midst of an anxiety episode! My top tip is to keep busy doing things you love, and work on controlling what you can control (i.e. your physical health through healthy eating, exercise etc). And then keep telling yourself that you're looking after yourself at that's what matters. xx

Meh , people say relax but if that was true how do people get pregnant in warzones etc! So it really winds me up when people thinking just chilling out is the answer.

you do need to go easy on yourself though through the process and be kind.

I would definitely seek some help as pregnancy itself is quite an anxious time so having support will really benefit you.

best of luck x

Thanks @moosey89 and @Mangotango39

Sorry to hear about your miscarriages @moosey89. That must be tough.

I do feel like I am doing all the right things; I am starting therapy tomorrow, back with my GP to discuss medication today. I am exercising, keeping busy doing nice things. Currently I'm not finding much joy in anything but very much hoping that is temporary!

I think I struggle to be kind to myself and always have - I am not entirely sure what that looks like tbh! My thoughts are my own worst enemy. I am going for private therapy while waiting for NHS referral which will hopefully be CBT.

Appreciate the time you both took to reply and best of luck in your respective journeys x

Gosh I forgot I wrote this! I was searching Mumsnet to see if anyone else was struggling like I am and found my own post...

I did get pregnant 2 months after writing this. Unfortunately miscarried at the end of January and now the anxiety is possibly worse...

I had a miscarriage last year

I hear you
Re anxiety after loss...

Tommys baby charity are good to talk to

Have u had your vit d checked ?
For some people there can be a link with low vit d and miscarriage

@worldwidetravel2017 I am actually waiting for the results of a vitamin D (and iron, B12) test as I heard the same.

So sorry for your loss too

Make sure they do ' feretin -

Also , additionally , ask 4 crp..

CRP blood test looks 4 / at inflammation in the body..

Be that fibroids , gallstones or bowel polyps

@Orlahoping how are you doing now. I have suffered two losses and I’m trying to conceive again and my anxiety is out of control so so difficult.

@AnxiousPoster well I'm still pretty much as anxious, but also 20 weeks pregnant. I don't think anxiety got in the way of my fertility, but it's still making my life difficult.

So sorry you have experienced losses too, it's so hard. I wish I had some advice, but apart from being proof that nervous wrecks can get pregnant again, I'm just living day to day. I have perinatal mental health support as of this week, but that was a massive fight to get.