Ttc and feeling down after miscarriage

[Ceramic272]

Hi all
Just thought I’d start this thread in case anyone can relate to the anxiety/sadness of ttc after a mc.

I found out I was pregnant in July after some months of trying, but ended up with a mc a couple weeks ago. I was meant to be at nearly 9 weeks but a private scan (which I booked after some light spotting) only showed 5 and a half. So I knew something was wrong, but the private scan and then EPU/hospital all told me me I’d probably ovulated late or got the dates wrong - right up until I actually did end up fully miscarrying a few days later in the epu itself while speaking to the doctor.

At the time I almost felt relieved - the pregnancy had felt odd (virtually no symptoms) and the period between starting to spot, time a number of scans, and being told it was probably fine when I could definitely tell it was not fine was very mentally jarring. (I really wish they had just told me that it was almost definitely a miscarriage instead of giving me false hope, but I guess they never really know.) So I think just knowing my instincts were right and having a definitive answer was a relief in a way. I went back to work after a few days and didn’t tell anyone (they all assume I’d had Covid or something), and the rest of the bleeding has now stopped about 2 weeks later.

For some reason I now feel a lot worse mentally about it all than I did at the time.. I feel very pessimistic about whether I can get pregnant again; dreading potentially going through more MCs; anxiety at just the whole uncertainty of it all as I just continue to get “older”... Basically I just feel really, really down at this whole cycle starting again and not knowing whether or how I’ll be able to have a kid. Some very close friends and family members are starting to ttc now and I’m also dreading that they’ll get pregnant much sooner than me and with no complications. Because no one other than my mum knows about the mc, I still get offhand comments from relatives or in-laws like “oh if you decide to ever try for a baby..but i know you’re so focused on your career” or whatever, which feel like a gut punch. I know the solution would be to just tell people but I flatly don’t want to relive it or deal with their reactions.

Sorry this is such an essay. Can anyone relate to these mental bumps? I do want to ttc again very soon (and we’re planning to) but just dreading going through these emotions again or worse :/ it’s hard not to tailspin with worry. any positive stories would also be good!!

Can 100% relate. Was TTC first time with my ex for 2.5 years which ended in missed miscarriage at 11 weeks. A few months later my brother and sister in law got pregnant first month of trying and have a healthy boy.

This time round I was trying with my current partner for 6 months and ended in missed miscarriage again at 10 weeks. My partner's brother and sister in law are pregnant with their second (no issues or losses, quick conception) and are 4 weeks ahead of where we would have been.

And my brother is starting to try for their second soon, so the feeling he will have 2 healthy babies when I started trying 7 years ago and don't have anything to show for it is very much there. But what I'm trying to do is disconnect my life from those around me. There's not a limited number of babies to go round and them getting pregnant has no impact on if I do or not.

TTC and pregnancy after loss are an absolute minefield of emotions but these forums are full of people who will have gone through similar to help you not feel alone at times when it would otherwise feels really lonely x

Sorry for your loss.

I've absolutely been there after a mmc and it's really, really hard. I had to decline invites to baby showers because envy was eating me up in the end.

Pregnancy after mc always an anxious time, I won't lie but with each milestone you become more and more reassured. I hope that it happens for you soon.

After my mmc I have gone on to have two healthy pregnancies. It can and does happen

This is so relatable at the moment! I have had 2 miscarriages( 9 weeks and 6 weeks) and a chemical pregnancy in the space of 9 months. The last miscarriage( in June) was extremely traumatic, with excessive bleeding and pain which was caused by the placenta being stuck in my cervix, I was so poorly and has an extended hospital stay. At the same time I was nursing ill parents so didn’t really have time to process everything…. Until now. And it’s alot isn’t it. Mentally it is so difficult and so flipping sad.

I’m nearly 39 years old so feeling the pressure aswell. I want our baby so bad but conflicted with the thoughts of that I never ever wanting to miscarry again. Don’t want to put my body, physically and mentally, through that.
But I’ve given myself a break from ttc this month and will try and get myself back on the straight and narrow. I’ve booked a holiday for a few weeks time, I'm doing those long outstanding jobs around the house, eating steak and drinking wine ( doing things I can’t do while preggo), and having fun for fun. Not just for baby making!!

Guess I have no words of advice, we all deal with things differently, but you’re not alone, and I’m so sure you will find your own way through this. X

these responses mean a lot.. very sorry to read everyone’s stories but it is comforting to know we’re not alone 💝 sending good luck to everyone here
ive been temping and tracking LH ever since I stopped bleeding (almost 2 weeks ago now) and my LH is staying really low (between .1-.2). My temps are also consistent (as far as temps can be, they occasionally drop one day but always go back up). Has anyone had similar? It’s nearly a month now since I started miscarrying so I guess I’m surprised to see no evidence of ovulation..

@Ceramic272 I didn't ovulate again before my period came back after my MMC in July, just had low levels the whole way until af started which was 4 1/2 weeks after surgical management x

Sorry to hear about your loss @Ceramic272 I’m in a super similar situation, just maybe a couple of weeks ahead of you (I had surgical management in early august). Similarly I think I didn’t process too much at the time, but now feel like it’s hitting me properly.

I also tracked temps from the day of the mc- they stayed above my cover line for the first 16 days, then dropped for around 6-8 days (I had a few days of bad temps so can’t pinpoint exactly when they went back up) and went back up above the cover line, which I’m pretty sure was ovulation. I actually still had a faint positive on a pregnancy test (from a scan it’s due to some retained tissue), so it’s interesting that it didn’t seem to affect ovulation. I’m now on CD2 after a 35 day “cycle”, about a week longer than normal. Hang on in there- when I was at 16 days with high temps and a positive test I thought nothing was ever going to go back to normal, then it all seemed to catch up pretty quickly.

Can relate, had a loss at 11 weeks recently, first pregnancy. Would talking to other friends and family helped? I shared my pregnancy news quite early, and therefore had to share mc with them, and it has really helped me, particularly as have a couple of friends who've had losses. My mindset is that others fertility journey has no impact on mine, and no one has any control over it, so I'm trying not to waste emotions or concern on others. I hope sharing will mean others are more sensitive if they do have pregnancies.