What's IVF *really* like?

[JaneHH]

Hi everyone

DH and I are almost 99% sure we're going to start on IVF in the next few months - I can get pregnant but I don't want to pass on something hereditary which I have. So IVF will -hopefully- help us in that department.

So I was wondering whether anyone else has done IVF with PGD (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis)?

But I was mainly wondering what it's REALLY like to have IVF... What can we expect besides all sorts of trips to the chemist and self-mutilation with daily hormone injections? Is it manageable or more realistically truly hideous? What do I need to steel prepare myself/ourselves for?

Thanks for all your help, MN'ers!

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Hi there - this thread is a little old. [[https://www.mumsnet.com/conception/ivf
If you want to find out about IVF, we’ve got more information here]]. MNHQ

Thanks LadyMuck!

Am in Holland and will have to travel about 2 hours in the car to get to the clinic where they do the PGD. This combined with a 5-day working week is def one of my worries at the moment! However having told work about my 2 "miscarriages" (not going to tell them the full story) I am hoping they will be accommodating. It's what you tell colleagues when you're nipping off to the clinic AGAIN that I'm really worried about. The last thing I want to be is the department soap opera (oooh she's going for another round, will it work???? etc etc etc)

Very strange to know so much about it all - I hadn't thought of that, but to be honest my first termination was not a D+C and I was induced so I have seen a lot more of the world of obstetrics than I would wish on my worst enemy . Perhaps I will be able to deal with that, I wonder. But please help, what is "downregging"?

And the worst thing? Being able to conceive naturally makes no blardy difference to IVF success rates!! It's all the faffing around with embryos outside the body which reduces the rates of conception, not whether or not you produce "good" eggs or sperm or whatever. This is very annoying - but it does mean I can completely sympathise with others in the "normal" IVF boat.

So - 3 cycles, you think, then take stock?

"It is hard for IVF not to be the main focus of your life for that time - OK hands up who managed that!

Its tru that as you don't appear to have any fertility issues your chances would be higher again.

I'd also forgotten (my how the memory recedes!) how up and down your emotions were depemdong on the results of the scan. Oh the follicales are growing nicely = happy positive day, oh there hasn;t been much change form the last scan = depressed miserable day. I had to tell my family not to ask me how it was going in the end as it was doing my head in - we developed a rule in teh end - if I wanted to talk abou tit I would bring the subject up otherwise they;d keep their mouth shut!

downregging = down regulating - effet=ctivey they turn all your homrones off (instant menopause) so that the artificial hormones can take over - it takes a different amount of time for everyone but I beleive is about 2 weeks (?) is just a nasal spray.

Just to jump in again, going through IVF while working was my main concern, I didnt want everybody in the office to know my very private business and just couldnt figure out how to do it.

We took a bit of a gamble but it kind of paid off, I handed in my notice and we went on a once in a lifetime holiday around the world, I told my very understanding boss the reason for leaving work and when we came back my boss allowed me to do some work on a casual basis from home and once i got pregnant I handed in my notice.

Hey kewcumber, we meet again! (Think we were both on some loooong thread sometime last week - either the one about working mothers or with LG&T needing some MN Power!)

Thanks very much for your input. I'm sorry to hear it went so badly for you - very strong of you to make a decision beforehand as to how many cycles you wanted to try. As with my pregnancies, I think DH and I will have to see when we want to stop when we get to that point, as (as you can see from my posts) I have very little idea of what we're letting ourselves in for...

So, so far I think we can consider the following downsides:

• self-injection
• hormonal inbalance
• having to schlep backwards and forwards to clinic
• egg/embryo/blastocyte counting
• hyperstimulation (dangerous for me if it happens)

oh and those transvaginal scans (had enough of them when pregnant )

...

anything else I need to be forewarned of?

Jenkel now THAT was daring!!!! Don't think I'd dare do that [scared weedy look] Wow the gamble paid off well. Has anyone else had to do the juggling-work-and-IVF thing? How did you do it?

I will be implementing the no-asking-me rule too It does my head in with well-meaning friends asking me how it's going in the pregnancy department (not knowing that I've been pregnant again). What do they expect me to say? "Well, I'm ovulating on Monday so I'll get back to you on Tuesday morning as to how it went"

Sorry to be a bit behind on posts - everytime I post a message there are three more which have appeared...

I was glad I set myself a limit - it isvery easy to keep going until your funds (and your body!) are exhausted, its sooo tempting just to think ... one more try...

Obviously that approach doesn't work for everyone but I knew I would move on to adoption and just felt that wasting more time and money on something which may never work was less important than having a fmaily anotherway.

no help on teh work thing (I also left my job) - when it didn;t work and I had to explain a gao in my CV was bloody dificult though. I scaed the wits out of one (male) recruiters who persisted in asking what I'd done in my year off "I had bloody IVF repeatedly. OK?"

It was daring and it did pay off but we were taking a huge risk, if it didnt work I would have been left without a job. But I was so positive that it would, which was why it I went to pieces so much when the first one failed, I didnt really go into it expecting failure.

Dont mean to be rude but is money an issue or are you lucky to get funding, when you know each visit could ultimately cost your more that is bound to have a negative effect.

I'm interested in the work/Ivf balance too. I don't know whether to wait and have two IVF attempts then get a job if it fails. Or go for that dream job i've just seen and just hope it works out.
I mean how much time is spent at the clinic, you would have to tell your employer wouldn't you?

Sorry for hijacking again Jane, and i've had wine now so i'll be worse

From what I could remember for almost 2 weeks I was at the clinic every other day and at different times, I guess it depends on where you work in relation to the clinic, you may be able to fit in visits in your lunch time or on the way in or home.

1wish you are NOT hijacking, we're all in this together (with or without wine I'm on the "with wine" side btw )

Kewcumber your reaction sounds rather like the matching pants and socks things from LG&T's thread last week (think you were on that one too) - scare people with tmi and they'll shut up sharpish

Money is not really an issue, so I feel very lucky - I'm in Holland and we don't have an NHS here but it's all done with medical insurance. Can't remember how exactly many cycles are covered by my insurance but I have savings precisely for this purpose. Obviously wouldn't keep going for the 50th time... but there are other factors which I have to worry about, let's put it that way. I do realise I'm very lucky in this respect.

I think I will have to tell my employer - not expecting too much trouble with that as I will just have to take the time out of my holiday time. Am more worried about the constant nipping in and out of the office to the other end of Holland without explanation... HELP!

This particular recruitment guy looked about 12 and like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. It swas almost worth putting up with the IVF for that alone!

I had IVF a few years ago, and had real problems with the work thing - to tell them or not? I was working in a big bank in London at the time, lots of pressure, managing a team etc and truly didn't know what was best to do. I was about 90 mins away from work when I was at the clinic

I ended up not telling them what was going on - simply because I thought they would be sympathetic and helpful for the first cycle of IVF, but what if I needed more? How sympathetic would they be then? So I didn't tell them and used a range of excuses such as dentist appointment, doctors appointment, late trains etc. If it helps, I think all of my scans were in the morning, and I requested scans as early in the day as possible. I booked the day of egg collection off and the two days following as medical leave and said I was having a minor op.
To be honest though, it was stressful having to rush to work afterwards each time, and I hated it.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do

I think it'll be best not to start any job then really (ok I guess if you've been with an employer a while). Dp fully supportive of me not taking a job till we've had a few goes. I was unsure, but I don't think it's wise to start a new job and then go for IVF is it?
But on the other hand it's costing a fortune so i need to work!!
sorry I'm just thinking out loud here...I'll go get another glass of wine I think and stop clogging up this thread

LOL Kewcumber!

Onlyaphase, thanks for that. I think I will be in the same situation as you if we get that far. Fortunately (or not) I have to have hospital appts for what I'm trying to avoid passing on and I'm quite open about them so I may be able to stretch the possibilities there... or not, we'll see...

The problem is that I don't work in a city with all sorts of jobs going left, right and centre - if I left where I work now (and I have a good job which I love) I don't know where I'd go afterwards! And if anyone's read my posts on the working mothers thread from last week then it won't be a surprise to hear that I'd find it all too scary to stop working altogether!

Perhaps it's best to combine the tmi / giving excuses thing... Use the "in for a minor op" thing but then when pushed to give more information mention something vague and a bit too gynaecological

What kind of timeframe are you thinking of for starting IVF? If you're thinking of next month, then I would wait a bit before starting work but if you're thinking "well in the next 12 months" then I wouldn't let that put me off finding a job if I wanted one.

Having said that, you're very lucky in that your DP doesn't mind you waiting. (Not that my DH kicks me out of the door to go to work the pressure to work is entirely self-inflicted.) Perhaps you'll save yourself an awful lot of stress and thereby simultaneously increase your chances of success if you do have time off first???

Thanks for the wine (1wish takes a sip, nods head, good wine )
Were thinking of may/june time, the job i've seen starts end of may, it's a trainee post and I know I could do it, oh bollox why is it such a mess. I don't want to miss a job oppotunity but I don't want to delay the one thing I want more than anything.
My head hurts from trying to figure it out, or is that the wine

mmhh difficult. The last thing I want is this to turn into a working-wimmin-thread (which is often my stance )

Can you start IVF any earlier to avoid having to think about this and to be getting on with it? Or are there other factors involved?

Hi

I had ICSI a few years ago well we had 3 goes at it and then the Dr told us to stop wasting our time as it would never work as my eggs were too old (i was 32 at the time), best news he gave us really. We were living in Germany at the time as hubby in the army and we used to fly over for our treatment at Hammersmith, have to say we approached it rather factly if it works then so so be it. Didn't mind the injecting or extracting or implantion but hated the bloods as bruise rather easily.

Anyway we went on to adopt a sibling group of three so it all worked out for the best for us.

Hope it works out for you and would just say try and relax about it all.

Well I'm at uni untill the middle of may, so can't really handle the stress of IVF and my stupid dissertation and exams.
I've made my mind up anyway, IVF first, Job later. I don't know how i'll manage lazing around all day doing very little, opps I forgot thats what I do already (typical student)

Have you started the IVF process already, or when are you planning to start Jane. People's responses on here have really made me feel better about the whole thing, maybe not as scary as we thought, and some positive stories, don't you think

Yes, ICSI is what we'd be doing - had forgotten the name, thanks mumwhereareyou!

Wow, having to fly backwards and forwards makes my 2-hour car journey rather pale in comparison! DH and I will (I hope) also be taking the "if it works then it works" approach. Easy to say during the first cycle, but then later on... we'll see...

sorry x-posts

Sorry 1wish the wine had made me forget your degree... doh. Good idea, get IVF "over" with first, then job. Job can always come later, as long as you don't mind doing what Kewcumber did (scare 12 year old recruiters with gynaecological facts ). Perhaps in the time you're sitting around you can think of something "constructive" to be doing for a) cv points and b) taking your mind off things! Oh and c) to avoid having to watch dire daytime telly.

Yes, definitely some positive stories in between the less positive . To be honest I think even if I'd only heard "ohmigod it's awful don't do it" as replies to my thread I would still have gone ahead with it all! We haven't started yet but will be doing so asap - appt next week with the gynae and then we'll be in touch with the ICSI / PGD centre at the other end of Holland.

Good luck with all your exams! Get THOSE out of the way first, THEN think about IVF. Only a few more weeks to go to secure your qualifications then you can go full tilt on babies Good luck with it all!

Thanks again, and I'll follow your progress. I don't post much as I never have anything very useful to contribute, and I take over the thread but if I see you about when I'm lurking I'll say hi.
Oh and I'll continue my voluntary work over the period (preens at voluntary work) so I will be doing something constructive.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend, i better get on with doing my uni work, I've been on here for 6 hours eek!