What's IVF *really* like?

[JaneHH]

Hi everyone

DH and I are almost 99% sure we're going to start on IVF in the next few months - I can get pregnant but I don't want to pass on something hereditary which I have. So IVF will -hopefully- help us in that department.

So I was wondering whether anyone else has done IVF with PGD (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis)?

But I was mainly wondering what it's REALLY like to have IVF... What can we expect besides all sorts of trips to the chemist and self-mutilation with daily hormone injections? Is it manageable or more realistically truly hideous? What do I need to steel prepare myself/ourselves for?

Thanks for all your help, MN'ers!

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Hi there - this thread is a little old. [[https://www.mumsnet.com/conception/ivf
If you want to find out about IVF, we’ve got more information here]]. MNHQ

Is there just no-one out there in this topic at the moment who's had IVF or have I unwittingly touched on a taboo topic? I'm sorry if I have. It's just that we have our appointment next week with the gynae and I can choose - either set the whole thing in motion with the medical information we've been given and just grin and bear it all as and when it happens (which I will do if no-one replies ) or make use of the vast store of MN knowledge [grovel, grovel] and know what exactly I'm asking for when I say we'd like to go for IVF.

Having said that it's tea-time in the UK so I may just be posting at the wrong time... will be patient

Any reply is much appreciated. Thanks.

Hi, I can't offer any advice as I'm in the same situation myself. But thought i'd bump this for you as it's an interesting question, which i'd like to hear about as well, the IVF booklet i've been given makes the process look so complicated i'm starting to wonder whether i could cope with it.
Good luck

My experience in IVF is from somebody who couldnt conceive naturally, so we were desperate and this was the only way it would work for us.

The medical stuff didnt really bother me, the injections my dh had to do because that was one thing I just couldnt do to myself. It was the mental toll that I found hardest to cope with.

I have to say that even though I though I was prepared I was shocked at how difficult it was, I was shocked at how all the hormone treatments made me feel, the pressure that we were both under as it was costing us a serious amount of money each time, the awful feeling when we found out it had failed, the time it took up (trips to the clinic at odd times, trips to the clinic every other day). We had 3 failed attempts and towards the end it was the darkest stage of my life.

But you have to remember that you are going into with a slightly different background so I'm hoping you dont get the desperate feelings that I had. Also, I have to point out that I did go through the darkest stage of my life, but that in turn led to the happiest stage of my life.

I dont want to put you off, but I dont beleive its something that you can go into lightly, it does take it out of you, so please be prepared. If you can allow for some good times during treatment, little treats for you and DH.

Hi Jenkel and 1wish, thanks for your replies. Well, to be honest, this is also the only real way which can work for us, as we have -with much disappointment- had to terminate two naturally-conceived pregnancies because of what I don't want to pass on. Terminating a much-wanted pregnancy is something I do NOT want to repeat, so IVF seems like the "easy" option [sarcastic laugh].

Pleased to hear a happy ending, however. How did you make sure it worked in the end, Jenkel? Did you do anything like acupunture or was it pure luck?

I think my experience is quite unusual - I was dx with endemtreosis and when they removed cysts said that considering i had been trying for 2 yrs that ivf was my best bet. I was 27 which seemed young next to the other women in the clinic. The short story is that I have had 2 ivf attempts and have 3 children as a result. The treatment didn't have any significant impact on my mood - I was fat and depressed because of the endemetreosis anyway! It was very straight forward - thw worst bit was waiting for the test and when we thought one of the twins might have gone.It was fine, but I imagine that all the stress must arise from repeated failed attempts which I didn't experience.

1wish, good to hear that someone else is in the same boat . Whereabouts are you in the whole decision process? Or have you already started IVF?

luckylady74 you live up to your reputation, then - your story sounds very lucky! I didn't really dare ask how many attempts people had had... but if anyone wants to share how long they were trying before it was successful then I would be interested to know. With us they would only put back one embryo (medical risk for me if I had twins) so that reduces the chances even more

The only things I done that was a little different to how I normally live, was to drink lots more water, 2-3 liters a day and I also had refelxology which helped me relax.

Must have been awful for you to terminate 2 healthy pregnancies, so I guess you have gone through some of the pain.

To be honest, the first time we went though it I was fine, almost quite flippant about it, but by the 3rd time it was awful.

Hi JaneHH, we are just considering where to have our IVF at present, and as I am in the final year of studying a degree we thought we'd wait til the summer.
However we are desperate to get started as we have exhausted all other options, we both have problems (little ovulation on my side, bad sperm morhology for dp)
I know this is a desperately stressfull time for you, so you have my full emphathy

mmhh I can imagine, Jenkel, what you mean when you say, "by the 3rd time". I think there must be some magical threshold - trying twice is do-able (relatively ) but by the third time you're beginning to wonder whether it will ever work. Precisely the reason why I don't want to try to get pregnant "normally" a third time, if you see what I mean. Terminating is horrid horrid horrid but better than the consequences of not doing so. I'm very glad to hear that it did work for you in the end - 1wish and I can take heart

sorry takes me ages to think up my replies... hadn't seen your post, 1wish, when I was replying to Jenkel! Well, your situation sounds more stressful, in a way, because you're still studying and have to decide whether or not to wait. Will you be able to deal with your finals / thesis AND IVF? Wow!

Trust me JaneHH my degree is the least of my worries. Every single person around me is pregnant, friends, sisters, dps friends, people at uni. I never thought i'd reach this point, and if IVF doesn't work....well it doesn't bear thinking about
Your situation sounds terrible too, I can't even imagine your pain

Jane - I have just finished my first (and probably only) cycle of IVF. Unfortunately it didn't work for us this time but I wanted to let you know that I found it all fairly easy.

I was really quite worried about it all before I started as I'd heard all the horror stories and hormonal mood swings etc.

There are different protocols that clinics do and mine meant that I was very evenly tempered and balanced all the way through.
Injecting myself was fine - I have previously injected for 4 cycles of IUI so that didn't bother me.
The drugs got courier-ed (?!) to the front door so the only really time-consuming and frustrating thing for us was that the clinic is a 3-hour round trip and I had to go back every other day for about a week because my follicles weren't ready (I'm a slow grower!! )

Don't get me wrong - there were nerve-wracking moments and the end result was really sad...but I expected hell and took it all in my stride. I am naturally a fairly accepting person and I think it helps that I came to the point where IVF was just the next logical step, so we just did it.

I hope that makes sense...and I would hate for anyone to think that I was belittling the procedure because a lot of drug regimes are FAR worse than mine. I am just giving you my feelings.

I hope all goes well with you.
X

Oops!
I also meant to say...that I believe that this cycle of IVF would have been far more stressful if we had had to pay for it.

The financial implications add a whole new stress level I'm sure....which is why we decided to only have our one NHS go.

I agree, 1wish, that IS hard when everyone around you is pg. I had that a couple of years ago (DH and I are a bit behind the times in only wanting to get pg now ) but you DO learn to live with it, I promise. Because of the 50% chances of passing on what I don't want to pass on (and because of the even smaller chances of IVF working each time for us ), DH and I have developed a kind of strategy for dealing with the fact that there's quite a high chance that we will never have children.

a) we don't EVER make any plans for where we'd have the nursery etc
b) we don't talk about what we'd like any children of ours to be like (arty? sporty? etc)
c) we concentrate on all the positives of not having children. OK there are not that many when you look beyond the short-term "well next Saturday when we go out we don't have to get a babysitter" and "ooh I can have a glass of wine and eat some paté because I'm not pregnant" but you do have to keep looking ahead to positive things.

Of course we talked a lot about how disappointed we were when we had to terminate the two pregnancies (and that was very important to do, I know) but we do stop each other revelling in a fantasy future which may not even exist for us. That way if it DOES work for us we'll be absolutely blardy over the moon (and surprised!!).

I think all of us starting on IVF will have to deal with the fact that it might not work for us Everyone has to develop their little strategies for dealing with it without repressing their disappointment - I hope you and your partner can [big beam of support]

Sorry, bit of an essay...

coggy so sorry to hear it didn't work for you
x

Fingers crossed for you . I don't think it'll work for us, I'm coming to terms with this at the grand old age of 24 after actively trying for 3 years and no contraception for 6 (I know, i'm terrible )
Where are you thinking of having your IVF, are you going private?

Also just wanted to say i'm so sorry it didn't work out coggy i've been following your story for ages, and i've never heard such a heartbreaking story. Makes me feel stupid wallowing in my self pity when I can't even imagine what you've gone through.

I'm glad the IVF may not be as stressfull as I first thought

Absolutely everything crossed for you too, 1wish! Can I just say you have YEARS to try yet ( iyswim and if that helps)... I thought you might be a mature student but you have a lot of time yet I think a lot of people get worn out by the fact that they've only got a couple of years before they really can't try and conceive anymore, with that magical deadline of 35+ looming. Despite trying for 3 years (don't forget that the student life can take it out on your body!) you really never know... Take things as they come and who knows, you may just be very pleasantly surprised! (From this little missive you will be able to deduce that I'm slightly nearer that magical 35+ boundary than you ) I hope it all works for you.

Thank you 1wish.....it's amazing how the past years have just turned into 'normal life' really....although I do have my moments when I feel that life is particularily unfair!

On the whole I am positive about it all.
I thought that I would be devestated at a failed IVF attempt as that was The End...but we are now looking into adoption and have found out that a private IVF attempt is not quite as hugely expensive as we thought.....we shall have to see.......

Hope all goes well with you. You have years on your side which is a good thing...although I know it doesn't feel like much of a comfort when you've been ttc for so long.
X

Unfortunately I am also near the deadline as I've been warned I'm at risk of premature menopause (sp) Ohh it just gets better doesn't it!!

But your positivity is very up lifting Jane, it helps talking to people who understand. Most people (my mother mainly) cannot understand my anxiety and keep saying I should wait, but it's not something you can easily put to the back of your mind is it?

The one solution to our problem is the cause of the problem in the 1st place (if that makes sense)

I'm off to crack the wine open and think positive thoughts

And thankyou Coggy (feels star struck )

Yes get some wine down you while you can before you get pregnant and can't do ANYTHING fun anymore Sorry, very flippant on a thread like this. 's just my way of dealing with it all, I suppose. On a serious note - I'm very sorry to hear that you're at risk of an early menopause. It makes my problems seem very small. Good luck with it all.

And Coggy good luck with the adoption process if you go for it - and with private IVF if you choose that route. I hope it works out for you, too.

Some of the stresses will be the number of visits to the clinics and the timing of these, especially if you are working. The fact that I couldn't predict which day egg retrieval would be was quite a blow in terms of working, so that is something to consider if you haven't already.

The other aspect of the treatment that I hadn't appreciated in advance is that you end up knowing too much about what is going on. You can follow the size and number of your follicles during each scan, then you have the number of eggs collected, then you have the number of emrbyos that fertilise and then you have to see how many of those reach blastocyte stage or whatever is needed for the PGD (and typically the numbers drop at each of these stages). And of course you have the extra step of seeing how many "pass" the PGD. And you go through all of this before you even start your 2 week wait.

The other thing to think about is the length of a cycle. Because of downregging beforehand, from the time you start to downreg to the time of the pg test can be up to 7 weeks. It is hard for IVF not to be the main focus of your life for that time.

I do feel for you in having had to terminate. IVF rates have increased so much and obviously they will be higher than normal for you as you have previously concieved. I'm sure that your clinic will have warned you to consider this as a round of treatments, ie set yourself up mentally to think of having 3 IVF cycles and see what happens.

Good luck!

Thanks again jane, and sorry if i'm hijacking .
Coggy have you considered egg sharing? I know it raises alot of issues, but we looked into it and your talking under £1000 as opposed to the £3500 which is our cheapest quote so far.
(Though makes me very angry that women in desperate situations like ours are forced to sell their eggs because of high prices and lack of NHS funding ) sorry had to rant there, realise it's a delicate issue

II had three cycles of IVF after 6 cycles on clomid and 3 cycles on injectibles - all IUI. This was after a cone biopsy and a polyp being removed.

Bst piece of advice I had was to decide how many attenpts you were going to have and stick to it. I was very unlucky with my IVF. The first I haemorrgaed afetr one week instead of having normal bleed after two. Clnic decided that I wasn't absorbing enough progesterone to suuport a pregnancy so had to move to injectible intramuscular projestone (conistency of olive oil) daily after embryo transfer. On teh days when I didn;t have anyone to stick me in the bum I had to imbed a needle that would scare horses into my thigh up to the hilt It bloody hurt - the normal IVF injetions are easy particlarly if you have very good needles.

Second attempt I hyperstimulated badly and had 30 follicels over 2cms (they didn't bother counting the smaller ones) once I'd ben treated they managed to colelct one egg . Third attempt was painfully slow as they were so concerned about me hyperstimulating again, egg collection was normal but for reasons they don't understand the sperm died before fertilising any eggs.

I found the drugs exaggerated my emotions terribly, I'm not an unusually emotional person but could be relied on to cry in public at the least provocatopn . In the end you stick with it becuase you want it enough. But I think its a good idea to be prepared. If you're under 35 and normal BMI that will work massively in your favour.

Before I terrify you too much, my experince was unusual and the clinic I used said about 85% of the popel they have under 35 are preganant by the third attmept. I also think that the technology is improvig all the time.

Be prepared to become very blase about your body parts though. I've had more transvaginal scans than most women have had hot dinners