How to deal with people asking "when is it your turn"

[HopeHopeandmoreHope]

I don't know if I just need to rant or if everyone else feels the same way
How do people deal with being asked "when is it your time" or "when are you going to have kids" "is it not about time you had kids" "are you not pregnant yet"
We have been struggling to conceive for a couple of years now and are waiting to start IVF, only our closest family and a couple of close friends know the situation as it's not exactly the type of news I want to shout about.
I am so sick of people and even family members asking when we will have kids, I always want to reply with a really abrupt answer or something really sarcastic like "I'm not a fortune teller I thought my ovaries would of done their job by now!" But I'm always so taken back by the question I just usually say something along the lines of "oh we want a few holidays first" or "our dog is our baby"
I have recently been to a baby shower which I didn't really want to go to but did and I must of been asked 10 times by different people, it's getting to the point where I am dreading social situations, we have a family party this Saturday and I am already dreading being around people that are going to ask the dreaded question because all it does is reminds me for the rest of the night about the situation we are in, I'll go home get upset and feel down all Sunday feeling down, but in the same breathe I can't put off everything single family/social event and become a hermit!
I suppose my question is how does everyone else deal with this? My emotions are all over the place at the moment, I even took a few days of work last week and spent a full day crying, I think it all just got on top of me and I needed to let it all out!
TIA x

I used to just smile and say "not yet", even when it got to the point where we were trying but obviously didn't want to tell anyone. People then cottoned on I wasn't going to provide any more explanation and that was that.

Wishing you all the luck with your journey.

We are a similar age and the questions are constant!

I am finding this stage of life very baby-centric. It's worse on the weekends when I end up at my mum's where all my siblings and their kids are. Or any family event or gathering. It feels so intense and like having a baby is the be all and end all. Gets me really down. Everyone seems to really want me to have a baby too.

Then I spend time outside of that setting, or catching up with a childfree friend and realise it doesn't seem such a focal point anymore. We talk about jobs, holidays, family, relationships, books, music. It's a nice break. I still want to be a parent but less child-centric company is a welcome distraction and I remind myself there's a whole life out there that doesn't revolve around babies!

Good luck with your IVF 🩷

I agree it shouldn't be something that is hidden but in my mind I always feel like the first bit of baby talk I have with someone is to say we're expecting, not struggling, if that makes sense! I also get very emotional about the subject so I don't want to end up in tears every time someone asks! I take my hat off to you for being so strong and good luck with everything x

I am a very emotional person too, and the first few people I told I cried about struggling to conceive. But, the more I talked about it, the easier it got. Sometimes I still get to a point of welling up because I’ve talked about it too much, so I’ve learned where my boundaries are and to keep it fact based.

I understand what you say about the first time you usually have baby talk is when you’re expecting, and it’s almost similar to the effect of social media; where we are quick to share the best news, and keep the bad things to ourselves so as not to bum anyone out, or make them feel uncomfortable. Sometimes sharing the bad news is cathartic and and keeps it real.

those are my thoughts however, you’re strong just for even going through this x

@whomoon That is so true! I also don't want to come across like I'm looking for sympathy because I'm really not, this is just how it is! I might try your approach and see how it goes x