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Conception

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Original poster

Feeling sad. Desperately want to have number 3. DH needs persuading to say the least

9 replies

tinnedsteelfasteners · 27/02/2008 10:22

He keeps saying that as much as he wants another he doesn't think we have enough money . Things are pretty tight around here (but we break even and have about £300 left after paying for all food, bills and childcare).

I am starting to feel really depressed and broody now and need to tell him how I feel but don't know how to broach the subject.

He also is worried that having a third may break up the family dynamics. DC 1 and 2 get along really well - he's worried that a third may upset things. I think that it is more likely to upset things if we wait. There is 2 1/2 years between 1 and 2 and I would like similar between 2 and 3 if possible.

I don't even know what I want anyone to say. I just want someone to wave a magic wand and him agree

OP posts:

awayfromhome · 27/02/2008 10:29

I am having the same problem. I would really like a third child but DH doesn't want another. I feel very sad that I probably won't have another one.

Coupled with the fact that all my family etc think I am mad for wanting another one, as I had 2 complicated and stressful pregnancies and the third would probabaly be the same.

It doesn't stop me thinking of the dynamics of three children and what we would be missing though

Original poster

tinnedsteelfasteners · 27/02/2008 12:36

Do you not resent him for not letting you have another? I don't know how I will feel if we don't even try.

OP posts:

Playingthewaitinggame · 27/02/2008 13:13

Have no useful advice really as I am not in your situation. Just wanted to share that I am one on 3. My brother is 2 yrs, 4mnths younger than me and my sis is 6 years younger than me. Having a bigger gap between dc2 and dc3 never effected us, my sis was adored from the moment she arrived. I adored having a little sis to fuss over as I was old enough to really be involved (whereas aged 2 I hated my little bro!!). All 3 of us were always really close and are now grown up (in 20's) and we are still really close, we all go to the pub together at least once a week and speak to each other more often that that. My bro and sis are two of my closest friends, can't imagine life without either of them and I still adore having a little sis!!

Just really wanted to let you know that if you do have a bigger gap its not nec a problem.

manuka · 27/02/2008 16:27

I don't know what you'l think about my opinion but I hope it helps!
We have 1 dd and due to severe traumatic birth there's no way in the world I'm going to ttc again. dh wants another and I would like another but I would like to adopt (all my life I've wanted to addopt an unwanted chinese girl) or see if we are eligible for a surrogate. dh is dead against both of these because he is worried he wouldn't love the child as much as dd.
I am very sad, extremely sad but I can't change his mind and to me dd's needs are most important and she needs a happy dad and mum so I will accept his point of view because we are a partnership.
I think its important to really listen to your dh and remember you love him and forgive him even though you feel differently. Men need to know that they can support their family financially and perhaps in his mind he needs to know he has enough for emergencies and feels that safety net would vanish with another child.
What you have now is a wonderful gift. 2 children and a lovely husband.
I hope that I haven't pissed you off because I am in similar situation. I just wanted to help you love what you have.

Original poster

tinnedsteelfasteners · 27/02/2008 17:02

Thanks Manuka - I know what you mean. And also you are right about the male pride supporting his family bit.

I feel so lucky to have my two DC's and don't ever take them for granted.

OP posts:

ScubaDuba · 27/02/2008 18:02

I was talking to a chap today and he told me he has 5 kids, eldest 47yrs, 2nd is 40yrs, 3rd is 38yrs, 4th is 33yrs and youngest is 26yrs. When I exclaimed about the 21yr gap between the eldest and the youngest, he explained that the youngest wasn't planned!!! The three middle ones all now work together in business abroad, so I guess the age gaps made no difference in their case!

dizzydixies · 27/02/2008 18:05

I told dh I would always regret NOT having one but would never regret having 3rd child

Heron23 · 27/02/2008 18:20

Tinned...from what i see your family is stretch pretty tight right now, with very little to spare. I can understand wanting another child desperately. However, you have 2 children that you need to think about. I think it would be unfair to them if you bring another child into a tight financial situation. Unless, there DH can bring in more money?

Financial stress in a family can tear it apart. Sorry, but this is what I think. Enjoy your family as it is right now.

Janni · 27/02/2008 18:38

I have three and it is much harder than two, I know that's not what you want to hear. You really need both partners committed and on board to think about having a third. So whilst there's no problem with you trying to persuade him and making him aware of WHY you really want another, it's also important that you respect his viewpoint - he's being very cautious for the wellbeing of the family unit you have.

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