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Conception

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Original poster

MAP failure....

27 replies

inabitofastate · 25/02/2008 13:35

Oh God, am in a mess here. Had unprotected sex with dh the other week - first time we have 'done it' for ages - took MAP within 48hrs and have just done CB digital test which says I am pregnant (period due tomorrow). Don't know what to do, we have 3 already and i was due to go back to work in Sept, dh really does not want a 4th although we have always said we would go with it if it happened. I just feel so unlucky - although a bit excited too if I am honest - it just wrecks all our plans. And tbh I am not the best most patient mummy in the world and was really looking fwd to work again. Any chance CB is wrong?

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SparklyGothKat · 25/02/2008 13:43

I had a MAP failure at the begining of last year, I was in a state too. I also had 3 kids and couldn't even think about having a 4th, unfortunely I did miscarriage at 6 weeks. BUT I did realise that I wanted another one and tried for a baby the following month and had Callum last year

Its meant to be

Original poster
inabitofastate · 25/02/2008 13:48

I sort of think that too but it just makes such a mess of evrything

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SparklyGothKat · 25/02/2008 13:59

do you have the space? Can you go back to work in a year or so?

ShinyDysonHereICome · 25/02/2008 14:00

Sometimes these little ones are just meant to be here I think and against all the odds we are blessed with them.

NorthernLurker · 25/02/2008 14:02

it's not what you planned - but it will be ok. Have you told your dh yet?

fruitloop79 · 25/02/2008 14:04

You're a very lucky girl

some of us have been TTC for ever!

Original poster
inabitofastate · 25/02/2008 14:09

Really srrry fruitloop if my post seemed insensitive to you - I know that in one sense I am lucky - and it took us much longer to get the others whcih is why I am so surprised!! We just about have the space although a bit of a squeeze - but I'm not sure I can afford the childcare to go back with 4...

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Original poster
inabitofastate · 25/02/2008 14:11

ooh and NL - no, not told dh. he is at massive meeting all afternnon, giving speech etc. also wnat to do it face to face which is going to mean 9-ish tonight as that's how long it takes for all older dcs to go to bed!

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fruitloop79 · 25/02/2008 14:12

I'm not having a go! Can I wish you a congratulations?

NorthernLurker · 25/02/2008 14:12

what ages are your others - just roughly - under 3, rising 5, 6-8, 8 and over?

fruitloop79 · 25/02/2008 14:13

I'm just very very jealous. We keep getting these types of threads lately. Obviously there's a bit of a baby boom going on, I'll just have to wait my turn.

Original poster
inabitofastate · 25/02/2008 14:18

Oh fruitloop I din't think you were having a go, just suddenly thought it might seem a bit off and didn't wnat to offend anyopne! You can congratulate...

NL they are under 3, and 2 8 and overs (one of those has SN). They are all 3 quite hard work tho' and I am not most patient mummy...

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NorthernLurker · 25/02/2008 14:21

fruitloop - here's hoping you get your turn very, very soon!

inabitofastate - face to face is good. Hope it goes well for you and you both feel 'a bit excited' as well as shocked, stunned etc

foxythesnowman · 25/02/2008 14:25

I've just had my 4th and it is lovely. I am doing things very differently this time and am very relaxed with her.

It is relentless. It is hard work. But it is completely OK.

I had an iffy result on two standard CB tests last week, but all 4 digital ones were negative. I called CB and they were very helpful. Phone them and double check just to put your mind at rest.

Congratulations ...??

NorthernLurker · 25/02/2008 14:25

I was at the back of the queue when they were handing out mummy patience!

Ok - four children is quite a lot to handle - but it's a lot of joy and love as well. Your children will adore their new sibling - I'm totally sure of that. I have quite a big gap - dds were 6 and 9 when dd3 was born - and I really enjoy seeing them together - she is 10 mths now.

As one of your older dc's has SN - will you qualify for any extra help of any sort? May be worth looking into that asap so you can work any provision there is into your plans.

foxythesnowman · 25/02/2008 14:27

Someone once suggested to me to contact a local college and offer a placement to a student studying Childcare. Free help on an intermittent basis with the older ones maybe? Just a thought.

Original poster
inabitofastate · 25/02/2008 14:30

foxy and NL - good ideas, thanks. We do have a local college here that does that and in fact I know people who have but never thought of it for myself ( always try to cope on my own and don't like asking for help!) Doesn't help I suppose that the 1 friend I have with 4 kids is always really miserable depsite having lots of money and help..

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NorthernLurker · 25/02/2008 14:34

definately get someone in if you can - don't think of it as help for you but as a mummy patience extender for the dcs!

Your friend maybe miserable - maybe the wind changed and she has been forced to stay like that but YOU are going to be a fabulous mother of 4!!

foxythesnowman · 25/02/2008 14:35

Honestly, 4 is GOOD! It is a lot, yes, and be prepared for the shock and horror of people around you. People do forget their manners. Mine are 6, 5, 3 and 7 months and she just fits in.

Having them close together is a good thing, and you reap the benefits in the years to come.

foxythesnowman · 25/02/2008 14:39

If you can find the money for a cleaner a few hours a week, then I'd recommend it. For me it takes the edge of things - I don't have to clean much, and I don't loose my rag when they make a mess. DP works away a fair bit and I don't go out much, so feel its justifiable even though we don't have loads of money.

Internet shopping is a lifesaver. And I've just started getting milkman deliveries so I don't run out of the basics as there really is no 'popping out' to the shops.

But I'm getting off the point here. I just want you to know that there are things you can do which make life so much easier.

Original poster
inabitofastate · 25/02/2008 15:49

Just wanted to say thanks for all the helpful comments! All dcs home now so off to spend some time with them and wait for dh to return this evening! I know he will be lovely about it but it's still so not what we planned...I'm sure I'll get used to it!

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anniemac · 25/02/2008 15:54

This reply has been deleted

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Nancy66 · 25/02/2008 17:23

My sister has five kids. She always says to me that once you've got three you have your hands so full anyway that there's really not that much difference between having 3 kid and having 6 kids.
Not that I'm suggesting you have another 3 - but you get what I mean!

NorthernLurker · 26/02/2008 00:11

hope you got on ok breaking the news to dh - thinking of you

Original poster
inabitofastate · 26/02/2008 07:42

oh, you are all so lovely! Dh was actually delighted - he couldn't stop smiling!! He said it was obv meant to happen. So that's really so nice - i am coming round to the "feeling lucky" point of view. He is just being so supportive and caring and it makes me feel much happier about the whole thing (although still had a little cry this a.m at teh unexpectedness of it all!). Still, as you all - and dh - rightly say, I can go back to work later it's not as if it's all or nothing. Mind you I am gettting on a bit - 40+...

Anyhow thanks again everyone for your support - it really helps

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