6 months post-MC and feel like I’ll never have a baby

[StrugglingWithUncertainty]

Hi all, 1st post and looking for some positive reassurance, I guess. Got pregnant for first time, age 37, in October. We found out that we’d lost the baby (they think at around 11wks) at our 12wk scan and I had surgical management just before Christmas. Physical recovery went well - period returned in Jan and was back to regular 28 days by March.

The MC was the most traumatic experience. The baby was so wanted. We had been worried that conception would be hard due to DH’s health condition but got our BFP after only a few months of trying and straight after returning from our honeymoon. To go from being deliriously and naively happy to heartbroken was just awful. I’ve been struggling since with slight panic attacks and dented resilience and I keep seeing the ultrasound of our still and silent baby in my mind. Counselling helped a little but I can’t get past an ongoing, nagging worry that this might have been our one chance.

We’ve been trying again for 6 months now with no success. My period has been slightly shorter than normal for the past 2 months, which sent me into a tailspin of worry about my age and possible perimenopause. I saw the dr, who said it was great that we’d conceived so quickly last time and was confident we’d get there soon, but every BFN is so upsetting. She has referred me for blood tests to start considering IVF, so I know logically that we’re doing all we can, but think I just need to voice how hard I’m finding it, especially as our due date approaches, and would love to hear from others who have been in a similar place and got through it.

Thanks xx

Sorry for your loss first of all, nothing in this world can prepare you for anything like that to happen.

I've just turned 38 in may, I was 37 at the beginning of may when we had our MC... Dating scan week and baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks approx. We do have one child together already so I never in a million years expected this. It was so drawn out and I didn't stop bleeding until the 6th june and only just had my first ovulation on the 17th June so first month trying again....

But I do understand your pain and anguish, I am now 7 days past ovulation and I'm driving myself mad with symptom spotting and then I'm wondering if my symptoms are pre menopausal and not pregnancy related....

Since 3dpo I've had severe cramping, low back pain, leg pain, dizziness, and now I am constantly burning up and having hot flashes so much that I can't sleep.... I know if that was the last chance and my body is failing me I'm going to find it so hard to deal with

Youre not alone 💔

Thanks for your kind words @Kellyaust and so sorry you are going through this too. The symptom spotting is the worst, isn’t it? I just feel like I’m constantly analysing every single little niggle or pain and worrying or hoping about it. I feel like I can hardly concentrate on anything else. Sending lots of love and solidarity. Xx

@StrugglingWithUncertainty

It really is, especially when you Google or read positive outcomes and you're like well I'm definitely pregnant.... Then you keep googling and see that progesterone increase after OV has exactly the same symptoms so then you're like well... I'm definitely not pregnant then 🤦‍♀️

I can't even remember any early signs I had when I fell pregnant with my MC because I wasn't symptom spotting then.

Fingers crossed for you 🤞

I'm so sorry you had a MC - it is so so painful and makes every subsequent month that little bit more stressful.

It took us 2.5 years and two CPs to finally get a sticky bean (#1). My CPs were in Feb and July 22 and got my sticky BFP in January 23 (now 27 weeks). I will be 40 by the time baby arrives.

I had to stop tracking everything, I set a rule that I would never test until a week over due, and this really helped me be more relaxed. Although in January something felt different and I broke that rule and tested at 3+5 completely out of character. Not testing really helped since I never got month after month of BFN tests.

I would work out what will help make you less anxious, since everyone is different.

Sorry for your loss. I'm 42. Pregnant for the 3rd time after 2 MC in the last 10 months. It's hard when you start worrying about peri.

Have you read It Starts with the Egg? Consider your nutrition, and stress management.

Do you know when you are ovulating? And when you need to be having sex?

Would you consider paying for some private tests? Least intrusive is semen analysis for your partner. You could also try a full blood count including thyroid.

Thanks @pinkpirlie lovely to hear that you’re 27 weeks - I hope everything is going well.

Yes, I do need to think about how to be less anxious - I think that is very sound advice. Unfortunately, due to DH’s health condition, we need to track cycles in order to know when to use medication but I like your rule about not testing - I’ve been limiting myself to one test on 11dpo each month, but it still probably increases the disappointment to see the negative line. I find it a real struggle not to compulsively read threads on here and google symptoms - getting a handle on that would help, but feels also like a real coping mechanism at the moment.

@Whataretheodds thanks for your message and sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I haven’t read It Starts with the Egg, though have seen a few people mentioning it on here. It sounds like it’s worth getting a copy. I’m using a Clearblue Fertility Monitor so think I know reliably when I’m ovulating and we’ve been dtd every other day during high fertility days, as well as both Peak days each cycle. I have blood tests including thyroid booked in next month and DH is waiting on a date for sperm analysis, so hopefully no need to pay for them, but would consider this if it felt there were additional useful tests to get done.

@StrugglingWithUncertainty just want to say I know some of what you are going through. I am 36 and had a miscarriage in December no hint of a bfp since. I have to say it’s hard not to be anxious. It’s really tough Af arriving over and over again when you really don’t want it to. Hope we both get some good news soon!

Thanks @cornflakes86 sorry to hear you’re in the same boat. Keeping fingers crossed for you too. xxx

Hi @StrugglingWithUncertainty and everyone else on this thread. I’m here with you as well. I’m 36 and been trying since Jan 2022. Fell pregnant second month but ended in MMC at 7 weeks. No hint of a BFP since then.

I'm just about to start ovulation induction (I have very long and variable cycles) so I’m excited to see how that goes. Just think that every drs appt, every test etc is one step closer to our healthy pregnancies, so don’t lose hope. We’ll all get there one way or another. Wishing you all the best x

Just wanted to throw in my two cents. I had a mc last August at 7 weeks. First time trying. I was devastated. I never saw it coming and secondly I had no idea what to expect- not just emotionally but physically. I was completely broken. Angry , upset, I felt resentful and jealous when I heard of people getting pregnant.

I did come out of it. 7 months later I got a bpf, unfortunately it was a chemical but I was definitely in a better place mentally. And the following month I was pregnant again, currently 10 weeks. Now I'm not saying this to encourage the whole - chill out , it will happen belief. I think that's nonsense but the anguish of that first loss definitely had an impact on my conceiving. I wasn't even enjoying intimacy with my husband as I was so focused on getting pregnant.

I did make some changes - drank only decaf coffee, used proceive trying to conceive vitamins. Used conceive plus gel as I was very dry after my loss.

I also used fermometer cheap ovulation sticks straight after my period and when they started getting significantly darker, I used the purple cleaeblue ovulation tests. Worked a treat. I didn't have sex every other day as tbh it was stressful and I felt like a chore. When my cheap sticks and the clearblue were moderately strong - we dd roughly the week of ovulation and the day after just to cover ourselves. I got pregnant twice with this. One chemical and now currently 10 wks.

Please don't despair , I've been there. You will get through it. There's no magic potion , it's a process.

@StrugglingWithUncertainty it feels like everyone is getting pregnant so easily around me, even people who are over 35. But it seems from reading online that lots of us struggle. People just don’t want to talk about it .

@cornflakes86

It really does, there's so many pregnant women I know of that are pregnant, also women that have had mmc and got pregnant again before they've had a period... It makes me pleased for them obviously but also make me more anxious about myself it's an awful feeling... Its like the unknown that bothers us I think... If we had a crystal ball and it said OK this is when you will have a healthy pregnancy... Even if it's a year away... We would feel better just knowing its going to happen again.

Thanks all for your messages - it’s so sad that many of us are struggling with this, but in a weird way, it makes me feel better to know that this must be fairly common and many women in our situation get there eventually.

@Kellyaust completely agree about the crystal ball - I could be so patient if only I knew that one day, eventually, there would be a baby.

@Ella31 thank you so much for sharing what you’ve been through - it really helps to know you’ve been in this position and that those feelings of being broken and completely consumed by it get better in time. Sending you loads of luck for your current pregnancy. Xx

@Kellyaust you have hit the nail on the head regarding the crystal ball. It’s the uncertainty of it all that is so frustrating and upsetting. Also I think a mmc is a really cruel thing to happen and none of us ever imagine it is going to happen until it does .

Absolutely... The fear of the unknown... Its enough to send even the most chilled person insane... And I've never particularly been chilled 😅

So sorry for your loss, I miscarried in Sept, I hadn't fallen after 6 months, NHS takes too long as I'm 40 so don't have the time to wait, we went to a private fertility clinic-best £500 spent! All test results great, she couldn't understand why we were sat there telling her I couldn't fall pregnant. Fast forward to a busy month and not tracking etc, my period was late and I'm (all being well scan next week) nearly 13 weeks pregnant. Honestly those people that say relax are right! But equally I know that's so hard to do when you want something so much!
Good luck