Emotions and allowing myself treats

[Underthesea88]

Hi,

So long story short, me and my husband have been ttc for a while. Just found out this week that there’s a couple of fertility problems after tests that hopefully can be easily fixed with some medication (fingers crossed). Anyway, so emotionally I’m in a bit of a rubbish place. I’m someone who always has a goal or something to aim for e.g promotion/house reno/holiday. Something to aim for each year. Well for the last two years it’s been having a baby. But it’s not happening and I’m feeling that everything it just ‘bleugh’ if that makes sense?

In my head I’ve got to the stage where I think I need to put little targets back in my life to give me back my control in some way. So I’ve managed (very luckily) to save quite a bit the last year or so from just concentrating on ttc and saving for a potential baby. Well that’s not happening and I’m so helpless. I said to my husband last night that I’d seen a beautiful car that I’d love to get either this winter or next spring. It’s something I would get enjoyment from and give me some ‘purpose’ to working so to speak. He says I’m being materialistic and there’s nothing wrong with my current car. Well he’s right about there being nothing wrong with it but to me this is something else for me to concentrate on as I’m not getting to become a Mum. This probably sounds so shallow! I just want something nice to work towards in a stressful job that probably doesn’t help the ttc thing either. Does this make sense or am I just being a materialistic cow?

Please be kind because I know there are much bigger problems but unless you have been through having no control over having children or not, it can be hard to understand. I have a christening and a baby shower in the next month to attend alone! 😭

@Underthesea88
Hello!
Sorry to hear about your struggles.
You're not being materialistic at all and I actually love the idea of having a goal of something to work to. Even outwith ttc people do this all the time-whether that is a holiday or a home or something else.
Ttc can become all consuming (we're also struggling to conceive and sometimes I find it's all I think about) so definitely think having a focus is a positive thing!
I would say - get saving for that car if it's something you really want 😊😊.

its so hard. My only thought would be, do you think you’d possibly need savings for fertility treatment? Or if you have savings, can your leave your stressful job and move to another job with less stress? I can’t relate myself as have zero interest in cars and I don’t think beyond today, but I’ve found keeping busy with hobbies, house renovations, holidays, days out etc has helped whilst TTC

My thought is was the same as above. I’d probably consider saving incase I needed fertility treatment. A few friends have done it and it’s insanely expensive.
msybd just think of some smaller treats for now.
nights away or spa day.

I've been TTC for 2 years and I buy myself a present every month when AF arrives. I'm not getting what I want more than anything so I deserve a treat to cheer myself up

I've not bought a car (although I'm thinking about it) but I have bought myself a weekend away and a Nintendo Switch 🤣 I don't buy myself expensive things every month, sometimes it's just a new dress or getting my nails done or a takeaway etc but you have to find ways to enjoy life outside TTC or it takes over everything

I really think treating yourself and doing something for yourself that makes you feel good is a necessity when struggling to conceive.
There is so much disappointment and sadness involved.. I think if you can treat yourself with something, big or small, to bring a tiny bit of happiness during the shit then you should.

I had started a savings account for our future baby and was putting money in every month and was so consumed by it all... and one day I thought wtf am I doing here, I need something to feel like me again! Bought myself a coffee machine I'd been wanting for months and will continue to treat myself when I feel I need a pick me up! If you can afford a new car and also afford potential fertility treatments then go for it!! Xx

@Kitkattt @Lcb123 @NicSC93 @dabs9

You all make good points. I’m awaiting results from a second blood test for further investigation around high prolactin levels. I’m hoping that I was just stressed at the time of the first blood test and that’s why they were quite high. But we have been ttc over 12 months. I’ve tried not to Google it too much until I get more information from the doctor next week. If it’s just taking tablets- great. But she did mention it could indicate a benign tumour growth on the pituitary gland that might have to be removed. However, if it’s that then there’s a long waiting list to be seen and time isn’t on my side ttc. (35 this year).

Maybe I should continue saving and get a little treat each month instead? I just want a big thrill although the feeling would probably be limited. It’s the unknown at the minute. I miss having control so to speak. Does that make sense?

I’d need to take some big steps and planning to leave my current salary. Nothing is worth the stress compared to health- true! Still got to pay those bills!

Buying stuff as awful as this sounds is the only thing that keeps me momentarily happy through this TTC journey…

21 months in 😩

Treat yourself, you need it through this x