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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

DH “too tired” to TTC

22 replies

CrazyCatMom · 31/05/2023 21:49

Pretty much as above. DH (28) and I (27) have been together 5.5 years, married 8 months. We usually have an average (I think?) sex life, usually DTD once a week or so prior to me stopping the mini-pill 2 weeks ago.

Since I haven’t had a period for 5+ years due to the pill, I decided to track my ovulation and had a clear +ve today - told DH who is apparently on board with the baby-making but he is apparently “too tired” after sitting in the home office watching netflix all day working from home…

Meanwhile I am going absolutely feral ovulating for the first time in 5 years 😈

has anyone else’s partner acted this way? I’m secretly quite pissed off with him

OP posts:

Cosycover · 31/05/2023 21:50

I turn down sex all the time because I am too tired. Maybe he just is?

Or do you think he isn't fully on board regarding the baby making? Has he turned you down before?

Suprima · 31/05/2023 21:52

Mentioning you’re ovulating can be a huge turn off as it can heap on the pressure to perform.

you’d have been better off doing some tactical seduction and going out on an impromptu date, or planning a cosy night in

LampsAndWatches · 31/05/2023 21:52

Cosycover · 31/05/2023 21:50

I turn down sex all the time because I am too tired. Maybe he just is?

Or do you think he isn't fully on board regarding the baby making? Has he turned you down before?

Exactly what I was going to say

woofrood · 31/05/2023 21:54

He has the right to say no
Seems like it's your first time trying too so not like he's only been saying no every time you ovulated over the past few months.
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he doesn't want a baby just yet.

emmatcc1 · 31/05/2023 22:01

@CrazyCatMom That’s exactly how I feel. Not that he ever turned me down during ovulation but sometimes I feel like it’s a burden to him. We still occasionally have sex but he knows when I’m expecting ovulation two week prior and on that one day in the whole month he’s tired. Like it’s some thing that can wait until the day or two after but it’s not it’s literally a whole month of waiting until ovulation. Sometimes I even think how will he manage a child if he’s too tired to even make one. But I do often find that I’m just overthinking

TheRealBettySpaghetti · 31/05/2023 22:03

Does he want a child or is he just saying what you want to hear?

Lcb123 · 31/05/2023 22:07

You’ve got a long road ahead of you feel like this. He’s allowed to be tired. Why the urgency? Just enjoy trying, don’t start putting pressure on at this very early stage. I would stop ovulation tests and just have fun

TeaKitten · 31/05/2023 22:10

It’s probably a massive turn off you telling him that you are ovulating and need to have sex now, it’s transactional and puts pressure on. Plus he might just be tired! It’s not like you’ve been TTC for years and he’s being lazy. I would imagine it’s healthier to have a period before getting pregnant anyway. Next month don’t mention the ovulation.

Summer2424 · 31/05/2023 22:11

Hi @CrazyCatMom when i'm ovulating i amp up my sexy vibes lol, basically do my hair, perfume and nice outfit 💃 xx

bakewellbride · 31/05/2023 22:23

Directly mentioning that you're ovulating/ ttc piles on the pressure and puts men off as pp have said.

I have never mentioned anything like this to dh and we deliberately conceived twice.

Butterfly2000 · 01/06/2023 00:21

I agree with previous posters about pressure. I don't tell DH when I'm in my fertile period or ovulating. It adds pressure and I don't want us to lose the fun and intimacy of our sex life while ttc. It may also affect each of our ability to "perform"
And remember the age old advice about not being stressed yourself (easier said than done I know!)

Mangotango39 · 01/06/2023 11:24

I am going against the grain here and would be frustrated to - if we made an commitment to really try, I do need my DP to do his part 😁

we are very up and down , some weeks we can have it a lot and then go three weeks without - really works for us generally but I might not ever get pregnant if we left this to chance. So I have to tell DP , the time is now 😅

PaigeMatthews · 01/06/2023 11:28

Once a week sex is your 20’s doesn't sound much at all.

im with the pp who asks whether he actually wants a child at this point? You're still very young.

id be more concerned about his work ethic if he spent what should have been a day working actually watching netflix. What is his job and what are his goals for work?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 01/06/2023 11:39

You're putting to much pressure on him after only two weeks of trying. That would turn me off too. Where's the fun in that?

That said he could also just be tired.

Mangotango39 · 01/06/2023 12:07

Isnt ttc a joint thing?? In terms of, if the woman is tracking ovulation etc. I would be upset if I couldn't discuss all this with my DP?! That sounds lonely to me.

Original poster

CrazyCatMom · 01/06/2023 15:42

This is pretty much it. I love him to bits and we enjoy sex but we both work full time, I’m a midwife and we often have opposing shifts so unfortunately the spontaneity has to go out of the window a bit here when there is a goal in mind 😂

OP posts:

rwalker · 01/06/2023 16:01

The way you’ve framed it you don’t want sex or intimacy all you want is sperm
there no better way to kill your sex life than pressuring someone for sex with the sole purpose. Of conceiving

Franticbutterfly · 01/06/2023 17:56

Once a week is absolutely not enough if you are TTC. Every other day would be better.

IneedanewTV · 01/06/2023 18:01

Just have contraceptive free sex for a few months and enjoy it. I would be turned off instantly if my partner told me they were fertile and wanted sex now. Why the rush! Keep pushing him and making it unnatural and you will put him off having kids.

GloomySkies · 01/06/2023 18:01

Now is a good time to give your relationship a brutally honest assessment. If your husband is 'too tired' for sex, and even to work when he ought to be working, and he doesn't have any health conditions etc, is he really going to be an engaged father, fully doing his share of housework and childcare?

IneedanewTV · 01/06/2023 18:02

CrazyCatMom · 01/06/2023 15:42

Drop the goal for a few months and just have fun. Too much pressure on him. You make it sound like you don’t want him just his sperm. Such a turn off.

teaontap21 · 01/06/2023 19:50

Tbh I would be really upset if my DP said he was too tired when I was ovulating. It's such a short window and only happens once a month. If he turned me down when I told him I'm ovulating then I would also be jumping to conclusions that he might not want to have a baby right now.

I think you're right to want to want to DTD and expect him to be up for it OP. If you've spoken about trying and this is you're first time ovulating in 5 YEARS then of course you're going to want to DTD and it should be a nice exciting thing for you both. Not to sound patronising to your DP but is he fully aware of how small the window is for ovulation? Mine wasn't so it might be worth having a chat and maybe explaining that you're upset that you've agreed to try and him saying hes tired on your fertile window means a whole month lost to you. It's quite insensitive of him. Obviously no one should be pushed into DTD but I think if you've agreed to TTC then it's fair to expect everyone to overcome being a bit tired and actually try.

Also, I agreed with previous poster about being open with your DP about when you are fertile. Yes telling them does put some pressure on them but we have a mountain of pressure on us, so I think it would be unfair and isolating to have to keep all knowledge to yourself to save them any pressure at all. It seems absurd that they should be able to just carry on with life and not know of any ups and downs until you get a positive test.

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