How to be positive when TTC

[FlyBirdieFly]

Hi everyone,

I'm just seeking some advice on how to be positive when a TTC journey is difficult. My partner and I have been ttc baby #2 (we have a 5.5 year old son) for 2 years. In that time I have been pregnant, but had three miscarriages and one tfmr. We are seeking support from a fertility doctor who is great.

I am finding it really hard to be positive and to imagine myself having another baby, or imagining myself getting and staying pregnant. At this point, I just cannot imagine it happening but something in me still wants to try which must be kind of hopeful?

I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on any mantras, visualisations, or how you find your positivity each month after a difficult journey including losses. I've sort of got to the point now where if I get pregnant again I don't think I'd even feel happy - just deeply anxious and waiting for a loss (the bereavement midwives told me after my TFMR that the innocence and joy of pregnancy has been lost for me) so each month of trying is a difficult one - I'm sad when I'm not pregnant but also feel like I would be sad if I was pregnant and anticipating the heartache to come.

So I know that I can't wave a magic wand and become pregnant, or become pregnant and be entirely comfortable about it, but is there a way I can shift my mind from being completely anxious and low about it all to a place of more calm and optimism?

You sound exactly like me! We've got a 3 year old so also ttc number 2. My pregnancy wasn't the easiest with a bleed at 5 weeks (turned out there were 2 sacs on the scan so it was potentially twins) followed by having SPD and then gestational diabetes too. So all of that was already on my mind when we decided to try again.

Had a mmc in January so that has now added a whole new level of anxiety on top of the worries I already had.

This is our 3rd attempt since then to get pregnant, now in the TWW. My emotions the last few days have been all over the place. It's a mix of wanting to give our son a sibling but at the same time being terrified of being pregnant again. Like you I can't imagine it at the moment and certainly can't think long term.

If I have another mc I don't think I want to put myself through all this again but still want him to have a sibling so no idea what to do. I'm honestly all over the place this month. I managed to stay quite calm about things last month but can't switch things off at the moment.

So I don't really have any advice but it's nice to know I'm not alone, and you aren't either.