Ttc for 18 months baby number one

[Hopingforbabynumber1]

I am 36 and partner is 35. We have been trying for baby number one for 18 months. In this time I have never had a bfp. I have had bloods and Hycosy which are all normal and partners SA was normal. Now awaiting to speak to fertility clinic about next steps which will be ivf. I just wondered if anyone had felt this hopeless then went on to get their bfp naturally?

Yep 😢😭 honestly had to try and let it go for a while and it's creeping back now it's not happened whilst not thinking about it 24.7

Following because I’m in the same boat.

We’ve just invested in IVF but I’m still praying it happens naturally before we start.

Im there to! It’s really, really tough… My whole being has been through the motions… Looking into IVF, trying to hold out to start until around the 2 year mark hoping something will happen in the meantime…

PLEASE x

Are you tracking your cycle and ovulation? Big hugs, one of my pregnancies took 18 months to conceive and I miscarried which felt even crueler.

I'm with you on this. Tomorrow marks month 18 for us and never had a bfp. Wondering if I'll ever be a mum and make my husband a dad.
Will be referred for NHS funded IVF in September.

Just re-read your question and sorry, I can't say I've gone on to have a bfp but I just completely understand your feelings.

Would your hospital offer IUI? X

We conceived on month 19 (approx 16 months NTNP but having sex every couple of days and then 3 months of actually ‘trying’). We also got to the stage of having fertility tests carried out although didn’t get as far as a hycosy because I fell pregnant naturally whilst waiting for the appointment. Fertility tests found no issues with either of us and I completely get how disheartening it is month after month, especially when you have no explanation as to why it just isn’t happening! I guess for some of us it just takes a little longer but just because it hasn’t happened so far doesn’t mean it won’t/can’t, fingers crossed for you.

@Hopingforbabynumber1 yes I felt it was never ever going to happen and we did have some test results which lowered our chances each month but about 15 months in and the month before we were due to start IVF (having been to see the nurse and booked my baseline scan etc), we conceived and I'm breastfeeding my 12 week old daughter right now. Keep hoping! X

Thank you everyone for you comments. So sorry many of you are in the same boat. I am 9DPO today and having all my usual PMS symptoms very gassy and very tired, so I know Af is only a few days away. I have been tracking using opks and BBT for over a year now and each month it shows I ovulate. The fact its is unexplained fertility is so frustrating as there doesn't seem any more I can do to try have a baby. So many of my friends have announced there having a baby and I find it so emotional every time this happens. I am worrying that I will never get to be a mum.

How do you guys cope with nosey family members?

I've just had a message from my sister (who knows what our situation is) saying that my mum was asking her and digging for information last night on if me and my husband are trying/waiting/having problems. This was at a big family meal with lots of other family members there too...
I haven't discussed anything with my mum because in all honesty, I don't feel particularly close to her. Certainly don't feel like she'd be very empathetic.. she got pregnant very quickly and easily multiple times and she doesn't seem to be very empathetic if she hasn't experienced something herself.

Anyway, sorry for that rant. I just feel like I'm being pushed into discussing what we're going through with her and I'm not sure I'm ready to.

@dabs9

We have been completely honest with our family and friends with our journey and what we have been through so I can’t help you much…

I am almost getting to the point where I regret telling everyone as I feel almost embarrassed by our situation and I don’t like people feeling sorry for us… We are the couple who everyone feels awkward telling their happy news and I really don’t like being that.

Its been nice to be open sometimes but the more it goes on the more I am unsure if it was the right thing…

I don’t know to be honest the whole thing has completely messed up my whole being/head.

@Vyvyan13 thanks for your reply.

It's so hard knowing what to do for the best isn't it. I've been trying to decide what I'd find more stressful... more people knowing or the constant speculation behind my back.

I have told a handful of close friends and my small team at work. And 2 of my sisters. But haven't told parents or other family/ wider friendship group etc.
But I completely understand that feeling of embarrassment and not wanting people to feel sorry for you or awkward.

It's definitely a head f**k going through this journey, with no rule book to work from. How long have you been ttc now if you don't mind me asking? Xx

@dabs9

It really is! And I think because your emotions are all over the place anyway it can be sometimes thinking that was a great thing in speaking to someone and then sometimes it doesn’t feel so great…

Its so hard to judge it… Im finding to having to just go through the motions with it and take it day by day with how I am feeling, my mental health is on the floor most of the time but I try and remain strong but the darkness creeps in for sure…

Aww it’s nice you have told your closest friends and sisters it must be nice to have them for support through it all…

Its been 21 long months for me… We started to get looked at about 9 months in and have had a lot to work on between me and my husband.

To cut a very long story short. We have both had operations, he had an embolisation and I have had Polyps removed, these were just this year… I am hoping it puts us to where everyone else is in terms of fertility and our chances are as good as everyone else’s but it’s the not knowing that is really tough…

How about you? Have you had any investigations done? X x

I have told some friends and family what we are going though. I found that talking to my other half about my worries all the time was causing us to have a really negative relationship so off loading to friends for support seems to be much easier for me. I do get the same feeling that now people know I feel sometimes a bit of failure that each month I get BFN when it feels like everyone around me is getting pregnant so easily.

I have recently been told we fall under the unexplained fertility as all our test results are normal and good. This frustrates me even more as there doesn't seem to be anything I can fix in order to help me get pregnant.

@Vyvyan13 gosh, you've had an incredibly difficult couple of years!! With fertility struggles and surgery on top of that.
Have your hospital given any idea on whether there's a good chance of natural conception after these surgeries?

Honestly, the mental health side of things I'm finding really difficult. I want to be someone who can just pick themself up and keep going and be bright and cheery all the time but most of the time I just want to stay in bed and feel miserable. Currently my cycles are a mess and I feel like I can't even ovulate properly let alone get pregnant.

It's been 18 months for us now. We got an early referral to fertility due to previous uterine biopsies I'd had and abnormal bleeding etc.
I've have a hycosy, bloods and all seem fine with me. My husband's SA came back 1% morphology which is the only thing outwith normal but they say it shouldn't affect natural conception.. I'm not so sure.

I saw further down the thread you said you were looking in to IVF.. will you go private or NHS? Xx

Yes I think that's what's nice about some family and friends knowing.. it's taken a bit of pressure off from my husband and our relationship.
I know he tries to be supportive but I think sometimes he does get tired of hearing me go on about my cycles and poas all the time 😅

I do think the unexplained infertility diagnosis is so difficult because there's nothing to focus on to try and help. I think if you have something to work towards, even if it doesn't end up working and you need further support it makes you feel like you've done absolutely everything possible.

Do you know when you have your fertility clinic appt yet or are you still waiting? Xx

@dabs9

We have been on the waiting list for 45 weeks, I have finally got a first phone call appointment on the 27th June. I am hoping this will start the ball rolling on to the next steps. Luckily We have already had a lot of testing done already so shouldn't need that doing again.

Have you had any testing done yet or have a any luck with next steps?

We were due to start IVF in Feb, and conceived in Jan after trying for 2 years.

We were also told it was unexplained infertility.

We were going private for IVF, and the consultant found I had a previously undiagnosed underactive thyroid. That happened about 4 months before I conceived.

I also had pneumonia in the Jan and was forced to take 2 weeks off work and lie on the sofa, so I do wonder if the forced rest helped.

I also started having acupuncture and reflexology (had tried reflexology previously with another practitioner and it made no difference)

Those are the only changes I can link it to, and we tried everything

Omg 45 weeks for which part??? That is absolute madness regardless!! Where about in the UK are you?

We had our first fertility clinic appt in august and have had bloods, swabs and I had a hycosy. Husband had SA which showed 1% morphology but otherwise generally normal. Due to the morphology they've said if we need treatment it with be ICSI.

My cycles are a mess so was offered letrozole but I wanted to see if lifestyle changes would help first (which doesn't seem to be the case) then have another review in September and as I understand they will send the NHS IVF referral at that point. X

Congratulations!!! Uh that gives me hope 💕
I hope you've been feeling well so far in your pregnancy.

I've tried acupuncture for about a year now and it hasn't done anything for me unfortunately but might give the reflexology a go!
I've heard good things about it for helping with other issues.
Also feel like I've tried every vitamin under the sun.. now thinking maybe I should reduce what I'm taking 🤣 c

Thank you!!! It's been the best pregnancy! When you've been through all this you appreciate all the symptoms, no matter how horrid.

I gave up on reflexology after the first practitioner and then about a year later tried another one and that was just before we concieved, I honestly couldn't tell you if I helped though.

I do think the medication for the underactive thyroid has made a difference

@dabs9

I am in Leeds. the 45 week wait is to be seen to start having investigation done. I didn't want to wit this long so I went private for bloods, SA and Hycosy. So at least now when I have my first appointment with them I can show them the results from the testing to save time.

I m like you I keep hoping it will happen naturally, I am bit nervous of having to go down the IVF route. I know though if that is my only option to have a baby it is something I will do.

My cycles can sometimes be all over the place. Do you use anything to track ovulation?

9 years it took me. Though to be fair, altogether at least a year of that my husband was seconded away from home. Husband didn't want to go down the medical route. So we just accepted we wouldn't have birth children. Then one day after my period was late by a week I decided to test just to rule it out. And it was positive. I went to the doctors saying 'I'm sure I can't be, is this the menopause mimicking symptoms?' And she basically laughed at me and said if I had (by then 5) positive tests then I was pregnant. And we'd only dtd once that month too.

@AmyandPhilipfan

9 years that's amazing!!! I am so happy to hear you got you positive test. Was this recent or how old is your little one?

If you don't mind me asking how old were you when you got your BFP? I am 36 at the end of this month and worrying that I have left it too late to start trying for my first.

@Hopingforbabynumber1 wow! Is that quite a normal timeframe to wait for first appointment in your area? It's such a long time isn't it, I can't believe how different it can be from one place to another.
I'm in Scotland and I waited 4 months for my initial fertility appt which makes me feel so guilty but also incredibly lucky.

Was it expensive to go private for the testing you've had done if you don't mind me asking?

I use the premom app to track my cycles. They weren't too unpredictable until about November last year and then they went to pot lol.
Having said that I've had longer cycles since having covid vaccines but not sure if I'm making an insignificant link there..

@AmyandPhilipfan wow! That is such amazing news! I'm so happy it finally happened for you. What a special little baby 💕

@dabs9

Yeah it’s been a lot but it should up our chances hopefully but you just never know…

Yeah we have been advised sorting both of these things out should improve our chances. My husband had a few low parameters, tried supplements to rectify it but it didn’t. Went to an urologist and he had a varicocele so he has had it embolised, this was a few months back… If the months keep going on we will get another analysis just to check it’s all going in the right direction. Then with me I had a Hycosy and they found a polyp so they advised for it to be removed, when they then did the procedure they found a few of them so they are all gone now… Apparently they can act like a coil and prevent implantation.

I honestly couldn’t have said it better myself you have got it spot on. It’s so hard and it comes in such waves, you really go through all the motions with it! We will get there in the end though!

I see you are looking to get your cycles back to a more steady ground, I really hope you can get there with that! It’s great you have an appointment in place to support you if need be!

I know compared to some these aren’t long amounts of time but it really is so so tough. It’s good you managed to get checked out sooner especially if you were having symptoms. I am really glad all your results were good! Yeah I think with morphology it can be changeable. If 1% of them are great and there are millions upon millions there’s a good amount of them and it just takes one!

We were advised if can sometimes just take longer, a lot of it comes down to chance!

Yeah I thought the NHS where I am was at 2 years they will look into IVF but I actually think in my area its 3 years so I have an appointment coming up to discuss it all, not really to sure what the plan is at the moment…