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Conception

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Original poster

Trying for baby #4 with a new partner

38 replies

Elephant1991 · 25/05/2023 20:53

Just wondering if anyone can give me any advice.. I've recently got divorced and very happy with my new partner. I already have 3 children to my ex and just turned 32. My new partner has no children and we have talked about having one together. We started trying but I just have a gut feeling it's never going to I happen I've always fell on the first or second try before has anyone else felt like this but had a happy ending .

OP posts:
Summertimesmile · 25/05/2023 21:27

Why on earth would you consider having a child when you’ve only just got divorced and you already havec3 children. You can’t have been with your partner that long: wouldn’t it be better to concentrate on the 3 children you have before bringing a new family into the mix

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/05/2023 21:34

Sorry op, tend to agree with summertimesmile. You are only recently divorced, and already have three kids who will have gone through quite a bit already. Maybe put the baby plans on hold for a bit!

Dacadactyl · 25/05/2023 21:36

What they said

lucie333 · 25/05/2023 21:39

Summertimesmile · 25/05/2023 21:27

Why on earth would you consider having a child when you’ve only just got divorced and you already havec3 children. You can’t have been with your partner that long: wouldn’t it be better to concentrate on the 3 children you have before bringing a new family into the mix

How rude 🤣

QueSyrahSyrah · 25/05/2023 21:39

This ⬆️

If you're only recently divorced and have a new partner then your children may well still be reeling from all the change.

Concentrate on them for a while, a year or more at the least. At 32 you still have good years down the line when everything is more settled and permanent.

willingtolearn · 25/05/2023 21:43

As above your priority should be helping your current children adjust to the changes in their life.

Not add in yet more stress for them with new partners and babies.

Mars27 · 25/05/2023 21:49

Nah, 4 kids on this day and age is pure CFckery

TomatoSandwiches · 25/05/2023 21:53

Perhaps he is infertile? How old is he?

allgoodthings84 · 25/05/2023 22:06

OP said she’s recently divorced not recently separated… me and my ex took 4 years to be finally divorced after separating.

If recently split from ex then yes I would say too soon to be ttc another for many reasons.

OP just because you got pregnant quickly the other times doesn’t mean you would every time.

bladebladebla1 · 26/05/2023 00:03

Wow, judgemental AF on here. Could have taken ages to divorce. She wasn't asking for comments on the length of relationship.

bladebladebla1 · 26/05/2023 00:04

How long have you been trying OP?

lucie333 · 26/05/2023 07:45

bladebladebla1 · 26/05/2023 00:03

Wow, judgemental AF on here. Could have taken ages to divorce. She wasn't asking for comments on the length of relationship.

Exactly my thoughts

suburbophobe · 26/05/2023 07:49

Can you afford a 4th?

That would be my bottom line.

allgoodthings84 · 26/05/2023 07:56

Very judgy. If the kids are settled and everyone gets on and you can afford it then it’s none of anyone else’s business.

how long have you been trying this time @Elephant1991? as I said above you won’t always conceive within 2 months even if you did the other times. Every cycle renews itself and you have the same chance every time as long as no fertility issues.

Riverlee · 26/05/2023 07:58

New partner? Why are you rushing into things? Is he love bombing you?

QueSyrahSyrah · 26/05/2023 08:00

bladebladebla1 · 26/05/2023 00:03

Wow, judgemental AF on here. Could have taken ages to divorce. She wasn't asking for comments on the length of relationship.

Could have, but OP also says 'new partner' so my advice to someone with 3 existing kids and a new partner would still be to take it steady, regardless of how long ago the prior relationship ended.

CheekNerveGallAudacityandGumption · 26/05/2023 08:33

Wanting a 4th child with a new partner? It’s all a bit Netmumsy…

Original poster
Elephant1991 · 26/05/2023 08:49

Wow 😳 I only asked for some advice but thankyou for all comments .. me and my ex husband have been finished sibc last year after me finally having the guts to walk away after 16 years of hell.. anyway for those who are concerned me and my partner both work we have been together since last year I have a mortgage and my kids absolutely love him and chose of their own back to call him their stepdad. My oldest is nearly 13 and couldn't be happier that me and her dad are no longer together as my other two have asked when they will have a new baby sister or brother. In well aware not to rush into things in unless you know everything that has gone on please don't be so rude!! Also my ex husband is moving 5 hours away from his children to be with his new girlfriend of 6 months.

OP posts:
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 26/05/2023 08:59

Gently OP, it's been a year since you left. Even if you met your partner straight away I wouldn't even have dreamed of introducing a new partner by that time, never mind moving in, the kids considering him a 'stepdad' and been trying for a new baby for multiple months.

You've been through 16 years of hell, you need more than 1 to recover. You've both jumped into another relationship too soon and moved much too quickly in it. This is how people end up jumping from abusive situation to another. After less than a year you do not know this man and should not be bringing another child into it. Take some time to work on yourself and identifying red flags. Do the freedom programme. Don't even think of having another child before you've been with him 2 years. Most times abuse starts when they think they have you trapped with pregnancy. You're 32 not 42.

Riverlee · 26/05/2023 12:24

So you’re 32 and escaped an abusive relationship of sixteen years. Therefore, you were with him since you were fifteen or sixteen, and not really known anything else.

Please do not rush into anything new. Allow yourself time. Yes, maybe the comments do seem a little judgemental, but viewed from a different angle, people are concerned and care for you.

pannikin · 26/05/2023 12:28

'Since last year'
So at an absolute push, even if your divorce happened Jan 2022, you're only 16 months separated/divorced.
That's no time at all to meet someone, have moved them in and trying for a baby.
And no I'm not being sanctimonious, I split up with my husband last year. I can't even contemplate bringing someone into my kid's lives yet, though.

Potatopancake · 26/05/2023 12:37

On a completely different note - are you saying it will never happen just because it didn't happen the first two months?
Two months is nothing, what a slap on the face to everyone with fertility struggles.

Oioicaptain · 26/05/2023 12:45

The divorce is still all very recent and the fact that their dad has fecked off 5 hours away with his new GF is even more reason for you to focus on your current children. If your two youngest want a 'baby' I'd get them a pet instead. If, for whatever reason, this relationship doesn't work out and you have a baby, then things could end up even more complicated for your children. I'd give it a couple more years first.

xoomer · 31/05/2023 09:33

Has he moved into your house? Where did he live before?

BraveHeart91 · 31/05/2023 10:34

Firstly some of these comments are rude asf , 1 she’s a grown ass woman and 2 there’s no rule book of how many kids you can have and who with..it’s her life her choice not yours.
she didn’t come on here to get opinions about her divorce.