Worried about TTC as we never have sex

hmc34 · 2023-05-18T07:10:51+00:00

Hi, Would appreciate any advice or support here. We are getting married soon and will be TTC after this. The issue is our sex life has really dwindled - I think combination of work stress on both sides and just not making time for it. I am worried that when it comes to TTC, we will really struggle as we last had sex around 6-weeks ago now!! My partner has also had issues with a lot of porn watching which I found out last year - which is another story/ frustration and I think our sex life hasn’t quite been the same since unfortunately. Another issue is I have recently been diagnosed with PCOS and am in my 30s. I have a period each month but I’m just concerned if our sex life is so rubbish that this is going to be an additional concern. does anyone have any advice? Or experienced similar? - did things improve when TTC? Any tips? thanks in advance

SaveTheDeal · 18/05/2023 08:14

I think you have bigger issues here than conceiving.

Why are you marrying a lying porn-user who doesn’t want sex with you?

rainbowstardrops · 18/05/2023 08:24

@SaveTheDeal was a bit more direct than I would have been but they're pretty much spot on really.

Mangotango39 · 18/05/2023 08:26

You havnt asked for relationship advice so I will refrain from giving it.

In simple terms, you will need to discuss and get on with it (providing no medical issues ED etc)
you can track your ovulation so your concentrating on the right times.
I have pcos and ovulate later so doing it around day 14 would be unlikely to conceive for us!!

but I would suggest a sit down discussion about it if this is something you both really want, how you will make the effort to get there (maybe cut down in masturbation? Seeking help for this?)

SnookyPook · 18/05/2023 08:43

I would strongly recommend some pre-marital counselling. It does sound like you have a few issues that it would be worth exploring further and resolving before you have rings on your fingers.

In the meantime, before even thinking about TTC, I would highly recommend working on getting the spark back into your relationship and having sex for fun and connection before you add the dimension of it being a functional thing. It can get very overwhelming TTC and it is more important than ever for your partner to be your safe place, your fun place and your cheeky 'I can't get enough of you' place...

A poor sex life won't magically resolve without putting some work in - on both sides. So my only suggestion on that front really is commit to making more time for each other. If you're both stressed, plan some fun dates. Make each other a priority again. If you can't cut back at work, make the hours outside of work even more valuable. Don't necessarily make it about sex initially. Just find ways to be silly together and be playful together. Do things outside of your normal routine. Plan some days/evenings out that take you both out of your comfort zone and seeing the world differently. Imagine you are freshly dating again and getting to know each other. Hopefully if you invest that time, the sexual spark will also follow on.

I wish you the very best but seriously, sort your problems before the wedding, and definitely before TTC. Neither of those will magically resolve anything. ❤️

Mangotango39 · 18/05/2023 09:09

SnookyPook · 18/05/2023 08:43

I would strongly recommend some pre-marital counselling. It does sound like you have a few issues that it would be worth exploring further and resolving before you have rings on your fingers.

In the meantime, before even thinking about TTC, I would highly recommend working on getting the spark back into your relationship and having sex for fun and connection before you add the dimension of it being a functional thing. It can get very overwhelming TTC and it is more important than ever for your partner to be your safe place, your fun place and your cheeky 'I can't get enough of you' place...

A poor sex life won't magically resolve without putting some work in - on both sides. So my only suggestion on that front really is commit to making more time for each other. If you're both stressed, plan some fun dates. Make each other a priority again. If you can't cut back at work, make the hours outside of work even more valuable. Don't necessarily make it about sex initially. Just find ways to be silly together and be playful together. Do things outside of your normal routine. Plan some days/evenings out that take you both out of your comfort zone and seeing the world differently. Imagine you are freshly dating again and getting to know each other. Hopefully if you invest that time, the sexual spark will also follow on.

I wish you the very best but seriously, sort your problems before the wedding, and definitely before TTC. Neither of those will magically resolve anything. ❤️

Great advice here!😊

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2023 09:12

You should be slamming on the brakes right about now. Marrying a man you barely have sex with, who has a porn addiction, is an absolute recipe for disaster and heartbreak.

CosyCoffee · 18/05/2023 09:18

If it's not good now it's going to be a hundred times worse when you're married with children. Cut your losses NOW, you're worth more than this.

Stratocumulus · 18/05/2023 09:22

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2023 09:12

You should be slamming on the brakes right about now. Marrying a man you barely have sex with, who has a porn addiction, is an absolute recipe for disaster and heartbreak.

This!
Don’t even think about it. Just don’t go there.

pickd · 18/05/2023 09:24

Wondering if this is a genuine post or not, and apologies if it is. It just sounds far fetched that anyone would be naïve enough to consider this not only a healthy enough relationship for marriage but also a healthy situation to bring an innocent child into. It's a recipe for heartache all round at the moment.

FatAgain · 18/05/2023 09:29

Hey get yourself on keto - it cowered out my PCOS and I conceived unexpectedly three times.

as for your choice of husband …. Who knows. But think about managing the PCOS regardless

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 18/05/2023 09:29

pickd · 18/05/2023 09:24

Wondering if this is a genuine post or not, and apologies if it is. It just sounds far fetched that anyone would be naïve enough to consider this not only a healthy enough relationship for marriage but also a healthy situation to bring an innocent child into. It's a recipe for heartache all round at the moment.

You must be new here!😂

JuniperandI · 18/05/2023 09:35

ttc can be a big strain on your sex life, and can cause issues both individually and as a couple. You need to be able to communicate openly and resolve any issues that may come up because it can take a long time to conceive so you might be on this journey together for a while.

If your sex life is already dwindling, ttc will almost definitely make it worse. You're going to need to fix the issue before more arise.

pickd · 18/05/2023 09:46

@FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar not at all, been here for years but there are always some posts that are purely for attention after a few wines lol

Bluebell0921 · 18/05/2023 10:45

It’s completely natural to go through ups and downs with frequency of sex throughout your relationship. Stress etc can really impact on sex drive. There sounds like there’s a lot more going on here. Would you consider couples counselling? Relate can be very good and reasonably priced. Ultimately, in order to conceive you have to have regular sex so it may be worth talking to someone about your concerns to try and resolve whatever is getting in the way. Best of luck lovely xx

Un7breakable · 18/05/2023 13:10

Is the lack of sex a problem for you both? Sex is not as important in all relationships and if that's the case for you as a couple you can use focused intercourse when TTC.

It does however sound like the lack of sex is an issue in your relationship, in which case it's best to work on your relationship first as TTC is very stressful.