Obese, nearly 40; advice?

[niairin]

Hi everybody, hoping for a little advice from anyone who has been through similar.

I'm categorised as "extremely obese." That said, pre covid I was about five stone lighter, still categorised as obese but felt very fit and healthy. I'd say to feel fit and strong I would need to lose about four or five stone.

I'm 39, and I've been delaying starting to try to conceive while tryin to lose weight. Needless to say I have not succeeded.

My main concern is around birth defects and disabilities linked to obesity. I don't want to feel responsible for causing my child to have a hard life.

I know losing weight will also help me conceive but obviously, for that I can just keep losing weight while trying.

Am I massively overthinking this? I hate the idea of accepting I'll be at my current weight for another year if I become pregnant, and all the risks that brings. But I also feel like maybe I'm totally over thinking the risks.

I've been to my GP and gotten blood sugars and hormones checked and he says medically there is no reason for me not to start trying immediately but obviously losing weight is helpful and always a good thing.

Any advice? Feel like I'm just frozen in inertia at this point. Please be gentle :-)

Well I suppose if I had lost weight I wouldn't be asking this!

Not sure what guidelines were broken by the replies?

I understand the desire to get going, OP, so my sympathies there. It’s great news that you’re medically fit to try! I haven’t been through it but perhaps if you’re unhappy with the idea of being pregnant at your current weight, or you think it might have an impact on conception or the baby, you could set yourself a realistic and healthy weight loss goal, say for three months time, and if you meet it you can ‘allow’ yourself to start trying then. In the meanwhile you can join a slimming club and get some support to help you meet your goal. Once you’ve gotten there I’m sure it’ll be encouraging enough for you to keep going during ttc, and then eat healthily and exercise gently during your pregnancy.

Good luck, OP!

Apologies if you've already tried this but could you try something like the Very Fast 800 diet? We are ttc #2 and after having #1 i had gained a lot of weight (we had fertility treatment, then a very poorly DD at birth then i had awful PND) and not looking after myself tipped me into the obese category. Its a 12 week programme - I'm a month in (doing it on a 16:8 fasting basis) and have lost nearly a stone so far. I appreciate you have a more to lose, but i feel like its given me a really good boost to get started. I feel more positive than ever that i can get to a healthy weight. You might be able to then get started on ttc at the end of the programme without waiting a whole year?

Good luck💐

You are massively overthinking this. You are not going to have a child with birth defects because you are overweight, you have a (small) risk due to age but that's why they have screening tests available. Given your age and the GP's go ahead I don't think it makes sense to wait... It can take a long time to conceive. Early on in pregnancy blood pressure decreases but towards the end of pregnancy it can increase to the point of preeclampsia, you will be at risk of preeclampsia if you are 40 and need to lose 5 stone. I suggest you get a strict diet in place now to lose weight quickly (check out Michael Mosley's 800 calorie recipe book). I wanted to lose weight for fertility treatment (pcos): I had a protein shake for breakfast and a tin of tuna with low fat mayo with salad for lunch and a cheese omelette with salad for dinner. (Occasional cheats but small ones eg a slice of toast) I lost 2 stone very quickly without feeling hungry... And conceived before starting treatment. I had a perfectly healthy baby aged 39. Believe in yourself, you can do it.

@niairin Do not delay having a child if its something you want. Age related egg quality is more likely to cause birth defects than obesity. Thats a fact. A fertility doctor will tell you when it comes to a deciding factor between losing weight and age , age will always win.

I would have thought the same as u til my friends experience

Shes about 24st. Anyway had most perfect pregnancy and birth, born easy labour 8lb at 40wk and 1 day. She was age 39.8months .

I had horrendous pregnancies in twenties when slim

Made me double think obesity as a risk tbh

Also worth mentioning some obese women actually lose weight when pregnant, especially if they have HG.

You can eat sensibly and watch calories, even when preggo.

In your shoes, I'd be far more concerned about my fertility declining with age than any weight related things and would get cracking, while trying to lose weight at the same time.

I would not delay due to your age - I would just eat healthy and do your best while trying.

There is plenty of overweight mothers in my opinion .