Honesty and kindness required: natural conception after 40?

[RaisingYankeesinParis]

Hello,

saw a new doctor today. We want a 4th but not badly enough to do the IVF route. We are Catholics and greatly desire a natural conception, but I am 42. (Our babies are 10, 7 and 4). I am recovering from a blighted ovum.

The doctor told me that the rate of miscarriage goes way up starting at 39. i told the doctor I feel surrounded by successful 40-something mothers of newborns and he said very few admit to having multiple miscarriages or to using IVF.

I was interested to know what Mumsnet’s experience is. Have you or has someone you know succeeded in conceiving and carrying naturally ?

no mean comments please. Just wanted to know if I have been super naiive to even imagine it might be possible. Cheers

I conceived and carried naturally at 44

thanks for responding ! ❤️

I conceived my second at 40 after a miscarriage at 38.

I’m 42 and have had a MMC in August, conceived again in December but unfortunately terminated due to Trisomy 21. Trying again and have had fertility tests done that look good - I think it’s very possible at this age, but yes miscarriage risks do rise.

I suppose you do have to factor in how you would feel about raising a child with a disability as that is also an increased risk.

I had children in my twenties and thirties but can’t get pregnant in my early forties (43 now). My Nan fell pregnant with my Mum aged 49, after 30 years of marriage with no pregnancies.

My better half came along when his mum was 42 - this was the 60s, so definitely natural and definitely a surprise!

There will be lots of people on here with stories of later motherhood, OP. You would be by no means unique. However, the statistics would indicate that it will be harder and the risks higher. Best of luck.

A friend conceived two babies naturally at 41 and 43 and carried them successfully.

I also have two friends who had late-term miscarriages in their early 40s, which was harrowing. Another who had to abort due to a serious diagnosis.

I became pregnant first time trying for number 1 at 39, then again the first month trying for number 2 at 41 and then again unexpectedly at 42 with number 3. All easy pregnancies and I have happy and healthy DC 1, 2 & 4 (I’m now 44). I have never had a miscarriage, and truly appreciate how fortunate I am to have had no fertility issues.

I think it's fine to try for 4th, as long as you understand the risks are higher the older you get. And if you are prepared to raise a disabled child alongside your existing kids, as this is always an possibility at any age. Good luck

Yes I conceived my first DC naturally at 42, he was actually a 'surprise' as I wasn't trying to get pregnant ... DH much keener than I .

I have a few friends who conceived. Would you consider the taking of extra supplements? I am not in that space but their used to be specific supplements meant to ensure all of your vitamins and minerals were in tip top shape. Wishing you a successful and healthy pregnancy.

Thank you to all for your lovely and honest remarks. We are all anonymous so we can say the truth.

The statistics ARE against older mothers, and though the forums are full of success stories we can’t go by that and have to be prepared for disappointment and even tragedy. Especially if we don’t want to go the IVF route. Compounded by the fact that motherhood is always a risk.

Alongside being open to what happens, I am working on forgiving husband for finally getting his head around to it this past august when I was 41, after I had been wanting it since the 3rd was born. He said he wasn’t ready. I shall have to wait for grandchildren if this doesn’t work. 🤞

What extra supplements? My doctor gave a prescription for something for my husband and I to take for 1 month. What is it?

I had two miscarriages at age 40 before I went onto have my second child.

I had my first son at age 38 and then my first loss just before my 40th and then another one 6 months later.

My second son was born when I was 41.

When I had my first loss I said to my consultant I was worried about conceiving again now I was 40. She said the cliff is real. The problem after 40 is you don't release an egg every month. She prescribed medication to boost ovulation and that worked for me twice - took it twice got pregnant twice.

But agree - I don't think people will talk about the struggles or the losses.

And for me 4 pregnancies between age 38 and 41 with two losses so 50% loss rate

You got two healthy children out of the four pregnancies. Very good. But yes, the cliff is real, and there’s a lot of denial, on forums, in the media, between women.

We need to be honest with our daughters. Start early so that you can have the number of children you want. 🙏 Nothing is so important.

You can't "start early" if you haven't met a decent man, can't afford your own home or need to protect yourself by developing a career, though.

I've told my daughter that there's nothing so important as being financially independent.

Had my children at 37, 39 and 42

My MIL conceived my DH at 40 with no issues (was an unplanned pregnancy) and he's grown to be a wonderful man.

My best friend is 41 and pregnant with a naturally conceived baby 2 years after having IVF resulting in her first child

A friend is about to have her second after conceiving easily at 39 and 41. Easy, healthy pregnancies. It can happen. Unfortunately I have other friends our age who have had recurrent miscarriages, flat out failure to conceive, two tfmrs and repeated failed IVF. I think it’s worth considering how you would cope if you got pregnant and baby had a serious or terminal diagnosis. What would you do? How would this affect your existing kids? It’s not just about pregnant/ not pregnant.

Conceived dc1 at 40, 41 by the time she was born. Dd2 at 42, 43 by the time she was born. Extremely easy each time, I got pregnant as soon as we started trying. I know lots of women who had babies naturally at around the same age as me.

I’m also in this position, two gorgeous children age 9 and 11 but me and my new partner want a baby together. We started trying this month using an ovulation calculator and I’m taking extra supplements. I’m 43 x