TTC is destroying my relationship

[Bobshhh]

Two miscarriages, 8 months to get pregnant in between them. No living children.

It’s breaking us. Due to his work we can’t just ‘relax and do it every other day and enjoy yourselves’ it needs to be planned and aligned to fertile days. Which means it’s all too clinical and he hates the pressure of having to perform.

He couldn’t finish this morning on a likely fertile day and now I won’t see him again until the end of the week. So he’s gone to work feeling like a failure and I know that I’ve missed the only window we have probably until November.

I just want to throw in the towel and say fuck it, we’re not meant to have children.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but I’m just really sad.

I feel this completely. I hate the feeling of 'we have to DTD in this timeframe'. My husband doesn't particularly understand ovulation so gets annoyed if I mention how there's a short fertile window. After 3 miscarriages and 1 medical termination I have agreed to TTC once more in the next 6 months but after that I just can't keep putting us through this. Our latest miscarriage last month took its toll on my husband alot more than previous ones. It's very easy for people to tell you to relax, but you are entitled to feel angry, tired, worried or anything else. I am waiting on my CD1 this week and haven't decided what I'll do this month tbh. I do feel slightly disconnected from my husband but it took me probably 3 months after my 2nd miscarriage to feel somewhat normal in our sex life again (not completely obsessed with my cycle)!

Really sorry to hear you’re going through it too! It’s a horrible gang to be a part of.

Totally understand this OP! Won't bore you with our back story but it has been many years of TTC and fertility drugs plus a husband who struggles to finish during the act. In the end we alternated between sex and using soft cups (semi reusable period cups) for self insemination. This took the pressure off and also meant if we didn't have a lot of time we could still get some swimmers up there. I used to add a bit of preseed too. You can use just preseed on its own to practice inserting the cup without spilling too much. You can also use the cup to keep everything in when you do it the old fashioned way. Worth a try anyway!!!

We have good days and bad days! I've learnt that it's absolutely OK to be sad, angry or whatever whenever we feel like it. Grief isn't universal, we all feel it different. Mind yourself x