So last month I found out I was pregnant I was very early on only 4 weeks and got myself into a complete shock and panicked.I had a medical abortion 4days after and now I fully regret it. I thought I was doing the right thing for my 2 kids 1 is 14 with autism and my other who is 4 and can be a handful at times and is my baby, my youngest was a twin but only one had a heartbeat and the other was a vanishing twin I think this is where my anxiety started 5 years ago. Through his pregnancy we moved house I put on 4 stone and just was completely depressed but didn’t really know it at the time I probably had PND as I just put it down to being heavily pregnant moving areas new home ect. Since then I’ve always been terrified of being pregnant I don’t know why but have had a few scares and always immediately thouggt I couldnt keep it, I would get my self all worked up on the negatives and never thinking of the positives. Anyway. So I made the desision last month as I fell into complete doom insomnia started I was a nervous wreck and that I couldn’t put my family in jeopardy I seen the baby as a threat which now is just ridiculous!! my life then was perfect both kids had there own rooms and juggling my times between the two was right, I have came off sertraline in December and thought I have overcome my anxiety to which I actually didn’t looking back now since December I should of stayed on it. I went to the clinic 2 days later and had a scan where they said it was just a sac no embryo no fetal pole, nothin inside just a sac which made my anxiety think it was more justifiable, I went home with the meds and spoke to my partner almost convincing him that we can’t carry on with the pregnancy he said that it was my choice and he would support me either way, I wish he knew that I was in a state of panick but I was also trying to convince myself at the same time, I took the first pill and then that was that. Instant regret like my mental illness played some evil trick on me I am now still suffering with bad insomnia and serve anxiety where I have now gone back onto sertraline and propannaol to beat this mental illness and im waiting for counseling from NHs and Msi. It always makes me make the worst desisions through negative thinking, as I’m now coming to terms with what happened and I’m back on my meds I’ve had a lot of time to think about my actions and considering having a 3rd child. I am not trying to replace the conception in any way shape or form, but my truest desire is always having another child to complete my family. I would like to hear of other ladies that have been through a similar situation and went on and had another baby as this is all I’m thinking about.