Secondary infertility

[FlyBirdieFly]

Hello everyone,

My partner and I have been ttc #2 for 2 years. Our ds is nearly 5.5. I've had 3 miscarriages and 1 tfmr due to our baby having serious heart defects, apparently not related to the miscarriages. The tfmr was the worst experience I have ever gone through.
For my last pregnancy - that resulted in tfmr- I was prescribed progesterone and baby aspirin. I was so happy that I was pregnant and it was a beautiful sticky bean after much heartbreak...then the news about our daughter's heart defect was beyond crushing.

I know I can conceive but I find people commenting on this upsetting...'you'll be fine, you know you can conceive' - the aim here isn't to conceive but to bring a baby home in my arms which I can't seem to do.

I'm 36, nearly 37. DP is 45. We've had blood tests and scans and all is supposedly fine - I had a slightly raised TSH level of 3.2 which the private consultant I saw before I got pregnant last time suggested could be lowered to support conception so I have been taking Levothyroxine.
I take Ubiquinol, folate, wild nutrition fertility capsules, vitamin d spray and Udo's Choice Super 8 Capsules.

I have acupuncture, go to yoga and generally sleep well. I have therapy weekly. My BMI is slightly over (25 ish) as I comfort eat when stressed but am eating very healthily right now and trying to shift some weight. I am at a bit of a loss about what else I can do to have a healthy baby and wonder if it's worth it - I'm feeling really low about it all and don't know how much longer I can keep going with ttc #2. I have thought about IVF but haven't really explored this properly with Drs. There's also the cash element to consider as we won't get NHS IVF as we have ds.

We probably will continue ttc for a little longer but it is proving incredibly hard. I always wanted a big family. My best friend has just had her third. She got pregnant with her third the first time her and her hubby dtd in a year! Life feels so unfair sometimes. I know I am so lucky to have ds. We had quite a gap between having him and TTC #2 as my partner's father was terminally ill and we were going through a really stressful house sale and it didn't seem like a good time to ttc. Now I dearly wish we had tried earlier although it's silly thinking in that way.

Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement? Or perhaps you have experienced secondary infertility and have made the choice to stop trying? I would welcome hearing your stories.

Thanks in advance. x

No advice particularly but solidarity and empathy. We were TTC for our second child for a while and it just wasn’t happening. Had some tests and there are several problems with my DP’s sperm, which will make it highly unlikely we will conceive naturally.
We have made the decision to try IVF and had one failed fresh cycle in February and now in the middle of a frozen cycle.

It’s incredibly hard isn’t it? So many people in my life are pregnant and it does feel unfair. I try to stay positive but it can be hard.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I was you 5 years ago. Our DS is now 10 and after trying for 7.5 years we have now accepted that we are a family of three. I'm ok with it. There are lots of benefits to only having one. And at this point any second child would not be growing up with our DS, they would have different lives. Never at school together etc.

I should add however that in all the time of trying, I never once had a positive pregnancy test.

Sorry to hear you're going through this op.

I also went through this. There's nearly 8 years between my children because we tried and tried and eventually after 7 years fell pregnant again but it was 7 years of nothing happening, no miscarriages, just not pregnant at all. I had decided that that was my last year of trying and fell pregnant with dd but I was giving it 6 more months. We had tests and scans and everything was normal for both of us.

Thanks everyone, for your stories. All very different, and you sharing them was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much ♥️

Have another look at thyroid numbers. When thyroid hormone is low prolactin hormone will be high - this makes it harder to conceive.

Ideally (optimally) TSH should be 1 or lower.

I was on 50mcg a day t4 and my prolactin was still high. My consultant trebled my dose to 150 a day before prolactin levels came down.

I totally understand. We tried for over 2.5 years for a second baby and watched all my baby friends from my first child get pregnant and have their 2nd child. It's been tough and I find people to be much less sympathetic when it's a second you are trying for with general responses being 'well at least you have one'.

It got to the point it dominated my life and everything revolved around ttc.
Then the choice was taken away as I became unwell. I'm now on a medication for an unrelated condition which you absolutely cannot conceive on and I'm 41.

I'm making peace with being a family of 3 and like a previous person said there are positives to this.
Hope things work out for you I now how hard it is.

Hopefully I can give you some hope, I have one DS who is 3 and after having him had a TFMR, Early MC and MMC and am currently pregnant.

Conceived DS second month of trying. Tried again when he was 2 and a half. Again conceived second month, TFMR due to DD being very poorly at 18weeks. Waited 6months tried again, conceived first try ended in mc at 5wks. Conceived first try a few months later, MMC at 8wks.

Decided to try and improve egg and sperm quality incase this was the issue. Got referred to miscarriage clinic but still haven't had an appointment. Decided to try Pregnacare conception (male and female) for 3months before trying again. Accidentally fell pregnant about 2 and a half months after starting and am now in my second trimester. It wasn't an easy journey, especially as it's been over such a short period of time (from Giving birth to DD to this pregnancy it has been 10months). I will never know if it was the supplements or just hopefully our time for another baby (still don't fully believe it will all work out!)

Sorry you are going this, I went through similar, although we were trying for baby no 3 and my problems were very much due to age. I had child no 1 at 35 (on the verge of turning 36), conceived again with no issues but this ended as a missed miscarriage when child no 1 was about 19 months old. This was swiftly followed by a healthy pregnancy and child no 2 at the age of 38.5. The quest for no 3 started pretty much on my 40th birthday, and this is where it all started to go wrong, I had 5 first trimester miscarriages in about 2.5 years, and then I just stopped getting pregnant. Last year I found out I was somehow pregnant again at the ripe old age of 45, miraculously got through the first trimester, only for the 12 week scan to show high NT measurement and CVS confirmed a diagnosis of T21 and likely heart problems, so we chose TFMR. We have most definitely resigned ourselves to the fact that our family is complete. Keep in mind that simply be being younger your odds of eventually having a healthy pregnancy are much better than mine were. Fingers crossed you get your miracle x

My only advice would be to maybe work in your DP’s quality of sperm and just keep going.

Hi there, no real advice either but adding solidarity. I am
so sorry to hear about your losses and your TFMR- just crushing.

I am in a similar position in terms of experiencing difficultly conceiving my second and it’s really soul destroying. Interesting to hear that you are on a Levothyroxine at 3.2 TSH my bloods came back 3.8 recently and my mum has low thyroid function but when I spoke to our private GP they were reluctant to prescribe me. I might go back and push as just want to feel I am taking control somehow. I feel like everyone I talk too is quite dismissive and says the fact I’ve had one child means a) it should be fine to happen again and b) (implied) I should be grateful for my lot… which of course I am.

I have been using OPKS and DTD a lot since trying so feeling really worried it isn’t happening. Also this month I decided to use BBT to pinpoint ovulation and according to Natural Cycles it was really quite late on CD21 and I started my period today so a luteal phase of only 7 days! I swear before we started TTC (were using condoms) that my cycle/ periods were totally normal and regular and it just seems like it’s all gone to shit. Then people say “don’t stress “.

Anyway, again I am really sorry for what you’ve been through and for the ongoing turmoil. I really feel for you. 💗

Hello,
Hope its ok to add to this? Im ttc baby no2 also. Im 37 & partner will be 44 in July. Have a 6 year old. 5 miscarriages & a 6m break to allow cycles / body to heal & last few months we have tried but so far haven't got our positive yet & even if i saw a positive i would be anxious about it resulting in an early loss. Cant shake the hope that it will happen but due to age also concerned time isnt on our side & we should just focus on our little miracle boy & be a peace with being a family of 3.

Hi has anyone ever managed to conceive on this tread? I'm ttc no2 for 2 years now had all tests everything normal it's just down to unexplained infertility! Currently saving for IVF. But this journey is hard especially watching all your friends have easy pregnancies and yourself worrying are you taken the right supplements cutting coffee and alcohol etc it's just so frustrating!

Hi
oldish thread but thought I’d add. I’m turning 40 in feb and I’ve had 3yrs trying to conceive no. 2. Had an early miscarriage and a missed miscarriage in that time. We looked into ivf all my tests ok for my age but it’s very expensive and it’ll mean we’ll be in debt for around 2yrs. I’m thinking of just stopping it all, feel like I can’t take it anymore.

I personally wouldn't advise anyone approaching 40 to take out massive debt for IVF unless there's a clinical case for it. Chances are borderline the same just trying naturally.

I agree. I just need to convince my husband now 😬