Turning 35 next week....usually I love birthdays but this year I just feel sad

Allelbowsandtoes · 2023-04-29T09:52:57+00:00

DP and I have been actively trying since just before my 34th bday last year. First time for both of us, and we perhaps naively assumed it would happen fairly quickly. Just feeling a bit deflated and wanting a hand hold really.

TTCJJB · 29/04/2023 12:39

Sorry to hear you're finding things difficult. What have you tried so far?

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 29/04/2023 12:45

No words, but I hear you. I felt the same OP, had a good old cry on my 35th birthday. I know it's small conciliation, but you're not alone. I found the once I hit my 30s my newsfeed and reels were bombarded with images of 'young moms' and people spouting off about their kids and not to put it off etc. (Not helpful when struggling to concieve).
Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and be kind to yourself. 💐

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 29/04/2023 13:30

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 29/04/2023 12:45

No words, but I hear you. I felt the same OP, had a good old cry on my 35th birthday. I know it's small conciliation, but you're not alone. I found the once I hit my 30s my newsfeed and reels were bombarded with images of 'young moms' and people spouting off about their kids and not to put it off etc. (Not helpful when struggling to concieve).
Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and be kind to yourself. 💐

Thank you for your kind words ❤ they are appreciated

OP posts:

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 29/04/2023 13:32

TTCJJB · 29/04/2023 12:39

Sorry to hear you're finding things difficult. What have you tried so far?

At first we were just using a period tracking app, we started using OPKs as well a couple of months ago.

OP posts:

qpmz · 29/04/2023 13:34

If you can afford it, you can both get a fertility MOT at a private clinic. It might reassure you or point out fixable issues and help you feel more in control. It might feel like a long time but it's common for it to take over a year. Good luck.

TaraRhu · 29/04/2023 13:41

It's a hard birthday 35. I felt like I'd 'expired' at 35. I think people stopped asking us if we were going to have kids at 35 as they assumed we were past it.

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 29/04/2023 13:57

qpmz · 29/04/2023 13:34

If you can afford it, you can both get a fertility MOT at a private clinic. It might reassure you or point out fixable issues and help you feel more in control. It might feel like a long time but it's common for it to take over a year. Good luck.

I actually hadn't thought of that. We're going to make a GP appointment soon as a first step but we could look at a private clinic if GP isn't helpful. Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 29/04/2023 13:58

TaraRhu · 29/04/2023 13:41

It's a hard birthday 35. I felt like I'd 'expired' at 35. I think people stopped asking us if we were going to have kids at 35 as they assumed we were past it.

For me I feel like our families are wondering but not wanting to ask. But yes, either way it's a hard birthday. Thanks for your comment x

OP posts:

backinthefog · 29/04/2023 14:06

Completely get that - I felt exactly the same on my last birthday at 37. In fact, I cried and didn't have any birthday cake or celebrate in any way as I didn't want it to be my birthday.

It may not reassure you but when I was talking to a fertility clinic at 35/36 they kept telling me I was young.

Hugs to you. I hope you have some TTC success soon.

Summergarden · 29/04/2023 14:18

Feel for you.

When I was TTC we used Samar Conceive Plus lube. No idea if it actually helped to conceive, but is helps to know you’re taking positive action sometimes. Also DH and I both took pro fertility vitamins.

Sending you lots of good luck OP.

Sparklynewcareer · 30/04/2023 17:16

I’m in exactly the same boat, here to say hello and offer a hand hold, you’re not alone and I totally get how hard it is.
easier said than done - but we are going to keep on trying and hope for the best, sending support and baby dust to all of us still wishing and a little extra for us in the 35+ club! X

Oldermum84 · 30/04/2023 17:27

Just to give you hope I had my first at 35 and am currently pregnant with my second at 38. I thought I was t going to be able to get pregnant again, it took 14 months but happened naturally x

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 02/05/2023 21:44

Oldermum84 · 30/04/2023 17:27

Just to give you hope I had my first at 35 and am currently pregnant with my second at 38. I thought I was t going to be able to get pregnant again, it took 14 months but happened naturally x

Thankyou, this does actually really help! Very glad to hear it had a happy ending for you and hope the birth of your second goes smoothly x

OP posts:

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 02/05/2023 21:45

Sparklynewcareer · 30/04/2023 17:16

I’m in exactly the same boat, here to say hello and offer a hand hold, you’re not alone and I totally get how hard it is.
easier said than done - but we are going to keep on trying and hope for the best, sending support and baby dust to all of us still wishing and a little extra for us in the 35+ club! X

Hello to you too :)
Sending you lots of luck, it can be so hard can't it but I hope it all turns out well x

OP posts:

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 02/05/2023 21:46

Thanks for all the lovely replies everyone, it helps to talk to women who are either in the same boat or have been there! Sending you all hugs x

OP posts:

Un7breakable · 02/05/2023 22:07

I'm in a similar boat @Allelbowsandtoes . Didn't even start trying till 35 (on actual birthday) and now realising if I even managed to get pregnant I'll be 36. Try to stay positive, a friend had one at 42.

LadyJ2023 · 02/05/2023 22:14

I'm 38 met hubby August 2019 got married September then found pregnant a week later and now have 3 under 2s we knew we wanted kids and hey presto have them now. Age really doesn't matter

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 03/05/2023 07:24

Un7breakable · 02/05/2023 22:07

I'm in a similar boat @Allelbowsandtoes . Didn't even start trying till 35 (on actual birthday) and now realising if I even managed to get pregnant I'll be 36. Try to stay positive, a friend had one at 42.

Good luck! 😊 I think we get so hung up on age 35 as we're told that's when fertility starts declining, but there are so many stories of women having babies older than that.
I was hoping to squeeze one in (or out, rather! Haha) just before I turned 35 but obviously it wasn't to be.

OP posts:

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 03/05/2023 07:25

LadyJ2023 · 02/05/2023 22:14

I'm 38 met hubby August 2019 got married September then found pregnant a week later and now have 3 under 2s we knew we wanted kids and hey presto have them now. Age really doesn't matter

Three under twos! Wow you must be knackered. Fair play 😅 did you do anything in particular to help with conception?

OP posts:

tulipsunday · 03/05/2023 07:42

@Allelbowsandtoes I used preseed lubrication for the first time this month (the one with the Internal applicators) as I haven't had much cervical mucus since miscarriages. Have had a positive test this week so may have helped hard to know. Also been doing reflexology sessions once a month and listening to a meditation each night to try and manage stress. All the best to you x

TellMeAboutItStud · 03/05/2023 07:46

Also to give you hope, I had my second at 35 and I have PCOS and was helpfully told by my doctor we’d never conceive naturally (I was unknowingly pregnant with my first at the time and we’d been trying for a while). Many of my friends are having their first babies at 37plus. It’s a good idea to get a private fertility check if you can afford it - knowledge is power.

Sunshine202341 · 03/05/2023 17:49

Definitely don't give up hope! I felt similar on my 35th birthday, we got pregnant 6 months later. We had been trying for two years when we got pregnant. The month we found out I was pregnant I got letters through about doing IVF. Not long now until we welcome our baby so it really can happen!

I genuinely believe TTC is just a case of pot luck, there might be some underlying factors that take some people a bit longer but if you are ovulating each month then it can and will happen.

It's a really mentally challenging process as it seems to be so easy for some people but it takes loads of people a lot longer they just don't talk about it.

Original poster

Allelbowsandtoes · 03/05/2023 19:18

Sunshine202341 · 03/05/2023 17:49

Definitely don't give up hope! I felt similar on my 35th birthday, we got pregnant 6 months later. We had been trying for two years when we got pregnant. The month we found out I was pregnant I got letters through about doing IVF. Not long now until we welcome our baby so it really can happen!

I genuinely believe TTC is just a case of pot luck, there might be some underlying factors that take some people a bit longer but if you are ovulating each month then it can and will happen.

It's a really mentally challenging process as it seems to be so easy for some people but it takes loads of people a lot longer they just don't talk about it.

Thankyou, this does give me hope - and congratulations! Hope all goes smoothly with the birth x

OP posts:

mermaidmumma · 08/05/2023 21:00

try pre seed its amazing. sending baby dust x

PickledScrump · 08/05/2023 22:21

Not sure if you have already tried anything like lube but I used pre seed lube with baby 2 & 3 and ended up conceiving on the first months I used it. Could just be coincidence but for it to happen twice makes me think it helped. Also female orgasm after the male has ejaculated is supposed to help pull the sperm up. I drank pomegranate juice before ovulation and ate Brazil nuts after ovulation on the month I conceived number 3. No idea if any of it helped but it can’t hurt to try.