Surprise third pregnancy and don't know what to do

[tootiefruitie6]

Hi there, I found out yesterday that I am pregnant with our third child which was a total surprise and not planned, unlike the first two who were IVF babies. I just don't know how I feel or what to do and I feel guilty even writing that as I know what I went through to have the first two and I adore them, but it means I would have three under 4. I have also just gone back to work and am enjoying having a bit of my life and body back having only just stopped breast feeding and being in a new role. The thought of potentially telling them I am pregnant again makes me panic so much. I had bad nausea with the first two so that also makes me anxious. My husband is being supportive and thinks we should go for it and that we will manage financially but I am so confused. We have the space but it will mean less time for my other two children and there are so many other considerations like the fact we will need a new car. And two young children feels hard but we are a nice unit. Will 3 children send us over the edge. I just don't know what to do although I don't even know if I could go through with ending the pregnancy even if that was an option. And I feel so guilty towards the baby for even having negative feelings. Does anyone have any wise words or similar experience? Thank you!

No personal similar experience but my sister found herself unexpectedly pregnant shortly after giving birth to her first. They are going to really struggle financially for a few years of nursery fees and she was terrified about how they would cope with a newborn while their other one was still very dependent. She had a lot of negative feelings about it for a while. They went ahead and the youngest is now 6 months old. She is so loved and has fitted in so well with her older sister and family. Her older sister adapted well and adores her. It has been hard with a lot of vomiting bugs, chicken pox, strep A etc to up the challenge but they wouldn't be without her now.

Keep it! I love babies. They will grow up together and being so close in age will play together a lot (which will leave you and hubby some time later on). It makes the kids sort of autonomous in a way whereas two have a very linear and sometimes competitive relation with parents.

People who have only child will want to borrow one of yours to amuse their kid.

you will have a big holiday table! 🙂

I’m don’t have similar experiences and I’m not sure I have wise words 😂 but I just wanted to say that your feelings are valid and please don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve just had a big shock and it’s going to take time to process and decide what you want to do. Good to hear that your partner is supportive. I know a lot of baby loss charities often do “crisis pregnancy” counselling as well for exactly these situations which just gives you a space to talk through your feelings. I wonder if something like that would be helpful?

Not after ivf, but my third pregnancy was a surprise after several years of trying for the first two. It messed with my head a lot (all those many months of pregnancy tests… all those years of trying… and it can happen that easily?) , and I wouldn’t blame anyone for not continuing with the pregnancy. For us it was the right choice to have her though and it’s been amazing.

good luck xxx

We had a surprise number three, during Covid. Due to previous issues if I was to have an abortion I’d need it surgically removed so the tissue could be tested and I’d of been 20 weeks when they could have fitted me in, which meant we went ahead with the pregnancy. It’s super hard, financially another lot of nursery fees/more space/bigger car has been a killer. She is super loved and we’re a happy unit but it will take us along time to recover financially and I do feel guilt for my eldest as the little ones take up most of the evening with bedtime routine etc

I’d give it more time to settle in and figure out how you feel. You only found out yesterday and with your history of needing ivf it’s probably even more confusing. Don’t make any hasty decisions, I’d definitely reach out to a professional where you can really explore your feelings (and of course your husband).

Regardless of what you decide, you have nothing to feel guilty about and I wouldn’t worry about work either in terms of what they’ll think. This is your life and your (and your husbands) decision. Whatever you decide will be the right choice for you.

Best of luck x

I had 3 under 5. Two in nappies and one just starting reception. My husband worked long hours but I managed. The third one just fitted in with our routine and was much easier as he had to just slot in. I was too busy for any messing around 🤣 He’s very loved and they are now really close. You’ll adapt and you’ll find that you’re stronger than you think. That being said if it’s not the right decision for you please don’t feel guilty about whatever choice you make x

I had 3 boys under six and it was just fine. We coped with a small car (3 children’s seats fitted in the back) and 2 of them shared a bedroom no problem.
Now I’m older I wish that I’d gone on to have 4 children but that’s another story.
Give yourself time to get used to the idea. You can still go back to work when they’re older and May never forgive yourself is you have a termination.

I just wanted to say thank you all so much for the kind, supportive messages. They mean a lot and the fact you've taken time to reply. x

I am needing some advice , I have found out at the docs I am pregnant with my third child and I am in two minds what to do as I find it hard with my two as it is , financially can’t but I don’t want to have an abortion as I had one when I was 16 and it changed me so much as a person and mentally but at the time I know it was right for me at such a young age , I am just so scared and confused on what to do and needing abit of advice from someone as I don’t want to ask family as they don’t know yet 😓

Hi, @Natalie1996. I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time.

I think if you start your own thread you'll be able to get much more advice.

Sorry am just new to this 😂thanks