How to deal with the worry for so long?

[Blubelll]

Hey all, I'd really appreciate some advice about how to cope with worry about infertility. Me and my partner have been trying for just over 18 months and have had 2 tests that show no sperm.
We have had an initial phonecall with a fertility Dr, who has ordered more tests which we are waiting for. He said after the tests depending on the results we could look at ICSI. So far the experience on the NHS has been very unorganised, disjointed and quite upsetting.

Knowing that the process can take so long, how do you manage? I have struggled a lot with anxiety and depression, and this past 6 months have been really tough what with other life events. I seem to be able to manage and work through a lot of the other issues I've had, but fertility is the one thing that's always on my mind day and night. It's making me miserable and it's not something that can be fixed just by using CBT skills etc, like other things can be.

Last night I read about an insurance company called Gaia and though it seemed good on the face of it, after more research I'm not convinced. This led to a lot of googling about costs, and I'm realising now it will probably be more expensive if we need to go private than I initially thought. I had thought about £5k per round, but I read about couples spending up to £12k per round. That amount of money feels impossible.

After reading all this I've spent all day worrying about us possibly not being able to have a family because of the cost. We are entitled to one round on the NHS where we live so may very well have to go down the private route after our first try on the NHS.

How do we manage the worry and stress when it's such a long, drawn out process with no guarantee of a positive result at the end? I feel awful and worried every day thinking about it, and I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to stay positive for months or even years to come.

I went through pretty much exactly this OP, although we never got a free try.

The important thing to do first is wait for the further test which I’m guessing is to establish whether your partner has sperm further up the tunes etc?? Or is the ‘no sperm’ literally none at all, not even in the testicles?

My ex had about 5% sperm count, so we had something to work with…. This was 20 plus years ago and I believe there is a higher success rate now ? BUT you do need to have the conversation about whether (if your fertility is ok) he would accept using a donors sorry… this would be a MUCH cheaper alternative with a much higher success rate, but even more so and more importantly a lot less stress on you!

My ex insisted we went down the ICSI route, I am needle phobic and don’t like people I don’t know ‘down there’…. So IVF was extremely stressful for me, we had 2 full attempts (egg recovery) and 2 frozen attempts using 4 eggs left from the first egg recovery. We were unsuccessful and he wouldn’t entertain anything other than IVF using ICSI… I found it rather selfish as he said if we couldn’t have his baby then we’d have none or adopt!….

I felt very strongly that he was selfish and would rather take on a child that belonged to neither of us than use a donor spent, the baby would be 50% the woman he loves, we could tell everyone we did ivf and no one except us would need to know it was biologically his, also he’d watch us grow inside me, see scans, be at the birth and raise it from day 1…. But his attitude was that we would just keep forging ahead with IVF until we couldn’t anymore for whatever reason…

We broke up 6 weeks after the last failed attempt because apparently I was ‘miserable’ this past year!!…. (No
shit sherlock!!)

It sounds awful to say but you need to have these conversations and weigh up options…. Also you need to think hard if you are willing to give up having children and risking it all on him….. I don’t say that to be unkind… but I was 21 when I met my ex, I was almost 30 when we split and by the time I found another partner and married, I then had developed fibroids making it harder to conceive, and (believe it or not) new partner only had 60% sperm rate which apparently is borderline for conception….. it took 3 years of TTC but we finally had a DD together, but only ever the one… my husband has recently left me and I’m now too old to even consider meeting another man and having a second child….. I am not bitter because I have a beautiful daughter, BUT so do feel very much like if I’d known what I knew now I wouldn’t have wasted all my fertile years on my first bf… and possibly even not stayed with DD’s dad after I found out he simply wasn’t willing to stop smoking and drinking to conceive a second child (which is what worked with DD)…. I’m not saying dump him, but just consider how you’ll feel 20 years from now if you give up your dream of motherhood if he then leaves you .

I thought both my men were the real thing and forever. I’m only thankful o had my DD otherwise I’d be left with nothing now

Wow sorry for all the typos. Auto correct doesn’t like sperm apparently.
and I obviously meant wasn’t his biologically….