TTC sadness

[Reachingout34]

Hi

Just want to preface this with I know it’s not a long time to be trying, but I’m just really struggling and wanted to reach out and see if anyone in same or similar boat and feeling the same way?

I have wanted a baby since I was in my 20s, but due to a series of relationships not working out, never got to the Ttc journey until recently, I’m now nearly 34. Have been with my bf for a year and a half, and now got my fourth period since starting.

I wanted to try sooner but understandably he wanted to be in a relationship longer before we started. I have been tracking my cycle with LH strips 3 months before we started and was really desperate by the time we even started.

it’s all just so disappointing every month and I get such bad PMT it makes it even more miserable. It’s a short period of trying (no one warns you how unsexy and pressurised Ttc sex is), then 2 weeks of agonising waiting/hopefulness, then crushing disappointment and pain. 4 months have gone by in a blink and it’s been a crappy rollercoaster.

would love to form some kind of support group with people here. Please do get in touch.

J

How old is your boyfriend?

I feel exactly the same.
We unfortunately got caught pregnant during “wrong timing” a while back I was due to start a new job, about to buy a house… So we didn’t continue with the pregnancy… And now we are trying, it’s not happening! I feel like I am being punished 🙄.
AF arrived today and I could cry, we use ovulation tests, DTD at the right times… The 2WW for me just takes over my whole life and at every opportunity I test!
Its very hard for all of us… And you are right TTC is NOT SEXY.

@Emmyhm
Thank you so much for your reply. It’s really nice to hear from someone. I’m sorry re AF - mine arrived today too and the emotions + pain is just so unfair isn’t it. I have cried a lot! How long have you been trying? Sending good luck wishes to you

@Cleoforever same age

It sounds like even after only 4 months sex is becoming a chore which is not good.
It shouldn’t be “unsexy” or feel like an obligation; no wonder you’re getting down!

It may just be the way you’ve worded it but are you just having sex in your fertile window and then nothing?

Do try to keep it fun, sex should not be a chore.

@Meandfour This was meant to be a place for kindness and support - your reply feels preachy and unhelpful. But we are having sex outside my fertile window yes. I was just writing about how the process is unsexy (to me). To each their own on that one I think…

Have you tried Sperm Meets Egg Plan. Id not heard of it before these forum's and it worked for us the first month we tried that (3rd cycle in total) I'm 36. Lots of others said the same x

@Tryingtoconceivenumber2 Thanks - I have actually read it! Seems like it suggests sex three days in a row as soon as you get your positive LH? Unless I misunderstood? Well I would but bf finds that a bit much sadly :(

So it says to do it every other day from day 8. Once you get your peak that day and then the next 2 (so 3 days in a row), miss a day and then do it again. It is intense by the last day we were with out x

I ment worn out x

I gave myself period presents, have something planned around your period date you couldn’t do if you’re pregnant. Getting your hair dyed / massage etc.

It’s super frustrating but focus on you, your health (loosing weight if you want to).

@Tryingtoconceivenumber2 it’s a lot haha. But ok maybe this month we could try a bit harder to be fair.

@Showerpowerer this is such a sweet idea, thank you! I’d been doing this for the PMT I get in the lead up (lots of online shopping etc, had a massage once too) but hadn’t thought about a period present - maybe that’s even better.

I get it - couple of practical suggestions. Celery and tomatoes for him - my partner read up that it helps sperm mobility.

Sex every other day was also recommended.

With your tracking - have you found when you ovulate? I have always tracked and found my dates fairly consistent. I have shorter cycles and ovulate early so we start having regular sex from the end of my period.

Lastly - I started trying to cc at age 37 and it took 8 months. At month 7 I went to my gp to get basic tests down to check I was ovulating etc. after age 35 you only need to wait 6 months before the gp will see you. Lastly - and sorry this isn't a fun fact - apparently there is only a 30% chance of getting pregnant if you managed to have sex on the right day.

Tracking though is going to help make sure that you increase the chance though!!

Good luck! I remember those days vividly. I was crying outside my GP who had tried to kindly say to me sometimes we just don't know why people can't get pregnant. Turns out I was pregnant when I tested a week later

@lifehappens12 thank you thank you so much for such a lovely, thoughtful reply. I read it to my bf and he was moved to tears.

I think we will go to GP after 6 months ish and get bloods and sperm test done. And yeah will try every other day more than previous months.

it looks like I ovulate day 14/15 without very much variation on that. But gonna keep testing to be sure.

definitely going to try tomatoes and celery haha! Why not.

Hi lovely, ttc is a roller coaster of emotions and some people make it look so easy. I've also been trying since my 20s ( now 37) been almost 18 years on /off trying with my partner to start our family. Finally got pregnant just before christmas but lost it early Jan.
There's some amazing ladies here on mumsnet and I'd honestly be lost without their advice and support

Hi, sending my love to you, firstly!

I’m 29. Husband is 31. Together 7.5 years and married for over 3.

I TTC’d for just over a year and then fell pregnancy but had an mmc. I then fell pregnant again and had a healthy baby. My daughter is now 16 months.

We’ve been TTC this time for 9 months and I had a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago.

It is so so so hard and draining 😔 and it does become unsexy and a chore! In my experience!

Every month is a rollercoaster of hope and then disappointment. Sending you a lot of love and hope your time soon comes xxx

Miscarriage* sorry, not missed miscarriage.

It is really awful. What I would say is try to plan something nice around period due date each month. Realise that each month is one month closer to it working. Also it’s completely ok to go for private tests earlier. Get in touch with a clinic near you and start investigating if you like. It’s only NHS which says it needs to be a year trying. Once you’re 35 it’s only 6 months.

Don’t rely too much on the sticks and follow your body more than anything. I’ve been told by professionals they can give false positives . Wait until you have good CM (basically when you wipe its slippery on the toilet paper) and then keep trying every other day for as long as you can.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It must have been really tough and a lot of disappointment over those years. It’s great you have a place to connect with people. Honestly your and everyone else’s reaching out on here has made me feel much less lonely already. I’m wishing lots of luck for you.

@MK85 sorry I wrote a message above but forgot to @ you!

Hi @TTCing thank you so much for your lovely message! Honestly hearing from people is so therapeutic. I’m so sorry for your recent loss 😔
your post did also make me think about how maybe I should normalise it just taking a year or a bit longer than that. It can still happen.

urgh the rollercoaster too like you say though xxx

Thank you @BiscuitLover3678 yes I definitely need to come up with a list of nice things to do each month! Suggestions, anyone?!

and that’s a helpful way of seeing it - each month a month closer to getting there - thank you!!

Hey, OP. How are you getting on? I'm 35 and have been trying for over a year now. I'm doing IVF and going for my second FET next month. It's such a shitty rollercoaster to be on. Every faint BFP I've had has ended in a chemical. It's completely shit. You will get there, please try not to give up hope.