Can I just have a moan?

[BirdIsland]

On cycle 11 TTC #2. I was incredibly fortunate to conceive #1 on our first cycle of trying, and I now realise how much I didn't appreciate how lucky we were!

I'm just fed up, another temp drop this morning so AF on the way, and we've not had even a hint of a BFP over the last year. My 21 day tests were fine, and just waiting for semen analysis, but the reality is I'm 40 (with DP a few years older) and it just feels like this isn't going to happen for us this time round, and it makes me sad. I can't even imagine getting a positive test any more, and even less that any pregnancy would progress smoothly.

Like I said, I know I'm so lucky to have one DC already, but I'd love another and just can't see it happening. Everyone around me has two with a lovely 2.5yr gap and we're still struggling.

Sorry, this is just a moan but I needed to get it out!

That is frustrating! It wouldn't make it less frustrating because you have one already so no need to explain yourself.

what things are you doing to support trying? 😀

Pretty much everything! Tracking ovulation via LH and BBT, conception vitamins, pre-seed, loosely following SMEP (although it's pretty intense and can take a bit of the enjoyment out of DDT). Need to do more exercise and DP is starting some vitamins too, but I just feel like we're doing everything we can. My DD keeps asking when she's getting her baby like her friends and it breaks my heart 😢

I’m not much help as I’m having trouble conceiving my first so no advice but sending positivity and a big scream of frustration because yes it’s unfair!!

@BirdIsland

Sorry to hear that @Dreamer88, it's so hard isn't it? I try to stay positive by doing everything I can to give us the best chance, but some days it just gets you down.

Oh no - any chance of going back to the drs for hopefully more testing have your DH results?
This trying business is cruel , it can really mess with emotions so be kind on yourself

I feel your pain op - been trying for over 2 years for dc2 now and every month is such a disappointment. It took over 2 years to conceive our first too so I knew it wouldn't be easy but I'd heard so many stories of how 2nd pregnancy was usually quicker that I had naively hoped I'd be one of the lucky ones 👎 sending you lots of positive vibes x

Sorry to hear you're going through similar @Stillwinston. I had a temp rise yesterday which gave me a tiny bit of hope, but it's back down today and AF has arrived. Just seen all the other parents on the nursery run with their babies ☹️

I know I need to try and stay positive, but given my age each cycle feels like we're a bit closer to this just not happening at all.

But, positive thoughts, going to do lots of exercise this month and might try and cut out a bit of caffeine. Positive vibes and baby dust to all those struggling ✨

I'm right here with you @BirdIsland Your story is almost identical to mine, conceived my daughter in first cycle trying, but I'm now 12 cycles in to TTC #2 and haven't had a sniff of a BFP. I've also had blood tests which have come back all fine, and DH is having his tests next week. I also have a pelvic scan booked but it isn't until September!

I've also tried almost everything, vitamins/BBT charting/OPKs/Preseed... There is nothing left to 'do' which doesn't suit me well as I like to always be problem solving.

I'm 36 but close to 37, and DH is turning 40 this year.

7 months in trying for our first and nothing happening. Starting to lose the willl. Can't deal with the cycle of hope and disappointment.

This month I've decided to chill out a bit so have stopped temping and will just try to dtd every other day for a week.

@OneHundredOtters I've abandoned the thermometer this month too, I'm still doing OPK tests though but might ditch those next cycle.

AF came this morning. This is so stressful. How are you ever supposed to know ovulation if there’s literally 28-34 days in each cycle. I could be well off with when I think I’m ovulating!😭

Sorry to hear that @Dreamer88, are you using ovulation sticks? When I came off the pill I used them as soon as my period finished, once a day until they started to darken and then twice a day. It's difficult if you have irregular cycles though, the one thing I seem to have in my favour at the moment is pretty predictable cycles (not that it's helping 🙄).

@vitahelp I hear you with the problem solving thing, little control freak me is not enjoying the lack of control.

DP has his test booked for Tuesday, not sure how long results take though.

@BirdIsland I'm not sure how long it takes either. I would imagine the testing itself would have to be done fairly quickly as I'm not sure how long a sample like that would stay viable. But I don't know much about it. I was surprised how fast my blood test results came back though, both were within 48 hours.

Moan away @BirdIsland . I'm with you, similar situation, similar ages. It's so, so hard dealing with disappointment after disappointment. Our first took almost 2 years to conceive so we knew it might be hard, but with a toddler in the mix it's even harder to find time together when it matters each month. We've been trying for almost 2 years (but not every cycle, annoyingly) and nothing.
Tried vitamins, conception lubricants, symptom tracking, ovulation sticks, not tracking anything (although that's impossible as I now know my cycles inside out) but no luck yet. I do use a fertility app which really helps pinpoint ovulation though.
Hope you have some luck soon.

@BirdIsland i was testing and getting flashing smiley faces for at least 6 days then ran out of sticks and thought I must be ovulating around then. Will have to commit to buying a few more packets! Sometimes though life gets in the way doesn’t it?

I use the Premom OPKs, pretty cheap on Amazon, you get tons in a box and they seem to be accurate, might be worth a try?

@BirdIsland Think I might give it a try. All confused now because the app on my phone has reset my average cycle to 31 days now but no idea how you can call that average when it ranges from 28-34 days. We go again!

Thanks for the solidarity @Teachermummy83 although sorry you're in the same position. I use an app too, and I'm almost certain we're DTD at exactly the right time but...nothing. Going to try SMEP again this month I think, but genuinely I think I'm almost resigned to it not happening. I've even started thinking about when we just draw a line under TTC and accept it's not going to happen for us again.

Yep, identical to us. We're trying at the right times here too, but no luck. I know we should see a Dr but I just can't face potentially being officially told we're too old and past it. Hope is better than no hope. We tried SMEP, but the pressure to perform was too much, so we stopped as I was getting too uptight and anxious. We've spoken about stopping trying altogether as well, and if it's gotta be just one, then I'm so grateful for one child, but for now my heads in an OK place to keep trying, but trying to avoid it becoming stressful, and trying not to get too upset if it doesn't. Not a big ask, surely??!! Or so I keep telling myself 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️

Its the 'you just need to relax and it'll happen' but HOW can you possibly relax when I know my cycle so can't help but know when we should be DTD?! I have mostly stopped using OPKs and just using temping to check I'm right re ovulation but I might just go whole hog this month and do everything - OPK, temp, vitamins, pre seed, SMEP, the lot 😂

I'm trying to be more positive, I'm so grateful for what I have so trying to reframe my thoughts about TTC.