I want another - he says no

[iwantanother]

I have 5 year old twins. I have always wanted a third and when we first had the twins my DH did too. We always wanted a large family before we had the twins. But PND and other problems set in and before we knew it they were 4. Last year he agreed to try for another - in fact it was his idea. Although I was 40, I got pregnant almost immediately but unfortunately had an early m/c. It took me a while to recover but when I suggested trying again he had done a complete turn around and said he didn't want any more after all. We have been discussing it on and off now for the last 7 months and he won't budge, although he says things from time to time which make me think the door is open a crack and he loves spending time with our friends? babies and toddlers. Now I'm 41 and the clock is ticking. I still feel very much like having another but wonder how much longer I can carry on trying to persuade him. He says he loves the idea of a large family but just doesn't have the energy for another child. how can I move on and accept this - or change his mind so that he is not only agreeing, but fully supportive?

Bumping for you...

That's such a difficult one. I'd like another one too and dh says no way, he says lack of energy thing too. I've never tried to persuade him tbh, just accepted it. I think if I was trying to talk him round I'd try to get him to focus on the long term positive stuff - large family he likes idea of etc, and emphasise how short term the negatives like sleepless nights etc are. Also, how happy another child would make you. But I'm sure you've tried all that! Horrible situation though.

I know a little bit about how you feel. My dh doesn't even want ONE, even though we talked about it before getting married. I literally threatened him that I'd leave. We're TTC at the moment, but I feel like I'm forcing him and he says he feels like a robot. I really don't have any advice but wanted you to know that I know how you feel.

I always wanted 3. Dh would have been happy to stop at two but was quite happy to go for 3. However when no3 was about 1yr old I became desperately broody. Never had the feeling with the others or since (luckily). Dh was adamant he didnt want another as by then things were quite easy and the baby stage was over. But I tried to persuade him again and again.. and tried to take advantage when I knew he had no protection with him...very underhand I know! after a year of persuading he gave in, and we finally conceived a month before I'd agreed we'd give up trying. of course he loves our ds to bits. I felt like you that underneath he wasnt ever really convinced that he didnt want another. It was just going through the early baby bit that he didnt like the thought of.
I wouldnt recommend the pushiness or my underhand methods thou.

At the moment, I think that 1 is more than enough!! Maybe I'll change my mind when she starts school.

Thanks for all your thoughts - couldn't find my own thread for ages (that "threads I started" thing didn't work). Anyway - I appreciate your time. Looks like it's no go for the time being as DH now majorly stressed about work and as we all know, men can't multi-task, so trying to get him to think about this when all he wants to do is moan about his boss is like banging my head against a brick wall!

Perhaps, having seen you go through PND and a miscarriage he's just thinking of you? Maybe he can't bear to see you go through so much stress?

iwantanother

I know exactly how you feel.

I have been through the same thing with my dp.

I do have 1 ds who is 7 and I have been nagging my dp for the best part of 2 years for another.

He just kept refusing until eventually I wound him down and he agreed although he still isn't that keen.

He finds one enough and doesn't see the need for more.

We are ttc atm but I feel as if I am the only one who is bothered whether I concieve or not.

I am worried that at 37 its too late for me now.

Worzel, I am pg now and will be 40 next birthday, you haven't left it too late!