Help please - am I overthinking this or is it a truly hopeless situation?

[clarebear111]

I (35f) and my dp (39m) have been trying for dc2 for about 3 months. We fell pregnant with dc1 within a few months, but that was a few years ago.

We have just had a fertility check up. All seems fine on dp's side, but my results aren't quite so rosy. It's not awful, but the word that is being bandied about is 'borderline'. This is based on a scan, and blood test results are due in the next few days, but I've always had regular periods, and fell pregnant quickly last time, so this is not something I saw coming and it has honestly really affected me in a way I did not anticipate. I'm crying a lot, and just so sad, which isn't really like me. It feels like a form of grief.

I know how lucky I am to have 1 dc. But I have always wanted 2, and I just feel as though that's unlikely to happen now. It seems as though I read about women in their late 30s and 40s having children all the time and the disconnect between that and my personal experience is just vast.

Has anyone else been in this position, or a similar one? Am I just too old/ not fertile enough?

I just don't know how to handle this. Is it as hopeless as it feels?

I’m assuming this was a private fertility check. What did they actually say? Borderline what? It seems a bit premature of them to be suggesting there may be issues when they don’t have any blood test results yet, try not to worry just yet, but do ask for a copy of any blood test results. It would be handy to have a copy in case you want a second opinion.

Thanks for the reply.

Yes, it was a private couples fertility check.

The person doing the scan said I had a certain number of follicles on my ovaries (she was telling another nurse who was writing it down) and I asked what it meant. She just said borderline. When I asked a bit more, she said she would have expected to see more (I’m assuming more follicles) in someone my age but the blood tests would tell them more.

It’s made me panic quite a bit tbh. Is it common for the scan to show one thing but the blood tests indicate another? It sounds unlikely to me but I know so little about all of this and am finding it overwhelming.

When my AMH levels were tested recently they came back as very low for my age. Still in normal ranges but on the low side. We're TTC #1 age 36 and 39. Anyway. I've just found out I'm pregnant. If you're still ovulating and have some follicles then there's still a chance - you just need to be TTC now and not in a few years. Plus you haven't had your blood results yet. Keep trying.

Congratulations justsayso 💕 and thank you for sharing, it’s reassuring to hear that.

Do you mind me asking how long you were TTC? And did you end up conceiving naturally?

I think you’re right, I have to wait for the full picture from the tests before I can know more.

So I have had the results back and the amh levels are also low. The good news is my partner's sperm is absolutely fine.

I'm so sad and down. I know I'm lucky to have one child but I had always wished for another. I didn't think that at 35 I would have results like these.

The doctor has said we could try for IVF but the odds aren't good because of my results. I think we should continue to try naturally as at least that way I'm not going to be so up and down and hoping against hope whilst going through it when as far as I can see the natural way of trying will be the same.

I hope all goes well with your pregnancy justsayso. Thanks for sharing your positive story.

What made you do the test?

I don’t have experience of the bloods/fertility check, but we had a conceived DS at first try, then had three miscarriages and a four year gap to DD. I was 37 when I had DS, 41 when I had DD. Don’t give up. I thought we’d never get no.2 but she’s asleep here with me right now. Fwiw, I had to completely overhaul my diet, eat perfectly, no junk, I cut out gluten and milk because I’m a little intolerant, preconception vitamins and I took green tea and cinnamon supplements. There’s some excellent advice around about foods to help conception. Good luck ❤️

Thanks for your reply, and for sharing your lovely story@Ichosetheredpill

I’m amazed to be writing this but I’m a day late, have taken a pregnancy test and it’s positive. I’m keeping everything crossed, as I know 12 weeks is a long way off, but I’m over the moon.

I just wanted to say thank you to you all for replying. I wasn’t in the best place when I wrote the original post and having this outlet was a great help.

Sending baby dust to everyone on their TTC journey.