TTC No.1 Rant

[missmoosh]

I just need to vent...its a long one sorry...
My DH and I, started TTC in late 2020/early 2021 however we found out that I had Graves Disease causing an overactive thyroid, I was medicated and nothing worked, so in late 2021 my thyroid was removed. I was aware due to my levels at the time that we would not be successful in TTC.
However, we were hopeful following surgery all would be well! But the surgery messed up my parathyroid glands and they no longer work and am told that as they have not started working since, the chances of them ever working again are incredibly low. This means I have to take a ton of calcium and vitamin d medication to remain stable. I thought all my levels were normal, but have recently found out that since January my calcium has been low and nobody bothered to do anything about it until I became symptomatic and got to dangerously low levels.
This all on top of waiting for a surgery to check for endometriosis and my brain is just frazzled! I want to have a family so badly and it feels like my body just wants to fight me at every opportunity! I know if I do get pregnant that I will be high risk and so its so difficult not to be stressed about it all. But I know stress won't be helping my chances! It all sucks, I feel like a failure and like I'm letting my husband down, because my body is a joke. I have other disabilities as well although they won't affect TTC.
I count myself as cycle 8 post thyroidectomy now, which isn't long but obviously I have technically been trying for years! This is not the fun journey I had hoped it to be, and everyone around me is pregnant or has a child and I'm turning into a green eyed monster.

Thanks for reading if you got this far...rant over...

@missmoosh sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing - it doesn't sound like you've had it easy for the last few years. Whilst not the exact same as what you have experienced, I've had similar medical issues that impact TTC. I have MS and had to go onto new medication to try and stop progression which I hadn't planned for so was forced to delay TTC by 1.5+ years and still have looming medical issues/results.

I find it so frustrating when it isn't your choice things are delayed and also when its due to health! I was told at a recent medical check for another issue I have is that I need to prioritise making sure I'm in best condition before becoming a mummy so that I can be there to try and be the best for my baby... I get the logic but it's a very hard pill to swallow (no pun intended). I've been trying to tell myself that, don't know if it's any help at all for you.

It's really difficult to not blame yourself and feel like you're letting your husband down - I feel like that every time a new hospital letter or result comes in the post and that I'm a burden, so you're not alone in how you feel and I don't quite know how to not feel that way either!

I really hope your checks for endometriosis go quickly and you get the best guidance and help for anything else you're dealing with. I find it super hard with lots of friends with babies and so much on social media but I have hope that some day it will be my turn and I have that same hope for you too!

Good luck with tests and treatments and fingers crossed for you on your TTC journey x