Did you decide to stop trying, how did it feel?

[MaybeItsJustTimeToStop]

I think we may need to stop TTC the monthly heartache is just too much at the moment, and I feel we're too old to delay any further.

The back story we have 1 child who is almost 5 before her we had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. We've been TTC #2 since December 2020, we had a really early loss at 5 weeks in October 2021, got pregnant again August 2022 but it was ectopic, starting rupturing in September at 6+4 so had to have emergency surgery to remove the pregnancy and fallopian tube. Have been trying again since December and today I have spotting and cramping, looks like AF is coming 2 days early and I'm so angry. I'm just so tired of this. I'm tired of feeling like we're always waiting for sometime, I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster, I'm tired of feeling like it's not fair, I'm terrified of having another loss. I feel like for the sake of my sanity I need to stop but am scared we'll regret it. It's been 2 years, i cant do another 2. I'm 38, DH is mid forties.

Has anyone stopped trying and felt OK or figured out how to not have a couple of really emotional days every month, I'm starting counselling in a couple of weeks so am hoping that might help with some clarity.

Yes.
like you, enough was enough. I just couldn’t go through it again & again and again.
Felt done. Devastated. Absolutely devastated.

It's definitely ok to be ready to stop. I think if you're thinking you're ready then that's the first big step. Counselling will help with your decision I hope.

I'm sort of the opposite. We've been ttc for dc2 for over 5 years, 4 miscarriages, lots of ivf, 3 surgeries. I'm a stubborn 40 year old who is not ready to stop. I'm currently in the early stages of pregnancy, but well aware it may not be successful. Yes I've had moments of "why am I putting myself/us through this again?" But for me I know I'm not ready to stop. I do feel we've put our lives on hold massively over those five and a bit years; to have your freedom again would be so freeing I think.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

This is my current dilemma. TTC number 2 for 12
months. In that time 2x early loss and 1x ectopic. My period has just arrived on CD26. Usually CD30. Paid private for a fertility check for me and DH and there’s no issues. Not sure I can keep putting myself through it. Months feel like a week period. A week TTC (which isn’t enjoyable anymore) and two weeks symptom spotting…You have my sympathies x

I decided to stop TTC around time I would have been going on mat leave for previous pregnancy (mmc), and I just felt relieved. I had been absolutely desperate to be pregnant again for the due date, as I thought that would be the only way I would cope with the due date coming and going with no baby. Deciding to stop was a huge weight off my shoulders. It felt like I was taking back control.

Time has passed and we’re thinking about TTC again. I’m not sure I can go back into the obsessive cycle of trying and testing. I don’t know how I’ll feel if/when we decide we’ve reached the end of the road. Wishing each of you your happy endings.

I'm in a similar position, ttc #2 for 18 months, I've had 2 miscarriages and sn ectopic. 3 surgeries and 3 heartbreaking ultrasounds. My last pregnancy ended with an MVA in the same EPAU ultrasound room which felt like a fitting way to say goodbye to the fucking place.

I am desperate for another dc but I don't think I'm going to get one and I'm sick of the trauma.

Good luck to you if you do get off the bus and walk into the sunset

@Bodybags it's so exhausting isn't it x

It's so tough isn't, I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, fingers crossed all goes well this time. I'm not sure I'm feeling ready to stop, more I feel like I can't keep doing this if that makes sense x

I'm so sorry @ROZRAX it's shit isn't it. I totally get what you mean about it all being in weeks, and ttc just being a complete chore that reminds you what you don't have, ratger than somethingyou actually want to do with each other. We had blood tests last summer which were fine, DH had an analysis booked for November but it was cancelled when I was pg at the start of Sept x

@sukiwh hopefully you get to a decision you're gappy with soon. If you don't mind me asking what's making you consider starting again? x

It's so awful @RumandSpinach I'm so sorry you've been through all that. Like you I'd love another but I just can't cope with the emotional toll of it. I'm sick of feeling like I want to cry or scream when people at work are sharing pics of new nieces/nephews/grandkids or heading off on mat leave. I know 2 people who started ttc after us and both have babies. I hate that I feel a bit resentful, I don't want that to be me, but I also feel resentful about stopping and worry I might change my mind in a couple of years and wish we'd carried on. I'm hoping I can make some peace with it, and make a decision and move on to a happy place x

I'm sorry it's been so shit for you.

We were TTC our second for 7 years. Never got pregnant. Our son is 10 now and we've just decided to accept that he is an only child.

To be honest I'm ok with it. I'm relieved. I wanted a life we can never have.

Thank you! If I’m honest I think we’re considering trying again because I’m “only” 36 and we haven’t had any help yet. We had started the referral to fertility clinic, progesterone and sperm analysis when I got pregnant last time. After the mc we thought it would happen again naturally - we’d done it before so we could do it again etc. I don’t want to be someone who loses years of their life trying for something that isn’t going to happen.

We are at this point now too. We started ttc hoping for a 3 year age gap but it will be at least 5.5 years now and not even a hint of a positive test. DH has had all the checks and everything is perfect and some basic tests haven’t shown any problems with me so not sure why it’s not happening.

Very mixed feelings now as so far away from the baby stage and I’m worried that they wouldn’t be playmates even if we were finally successful. At the same time we don’t really know where to go from here. It seems strange to actively avoid pregnancy but at the same time what happens if I unexpectedly get pregnant when my oldest is 14 or something. Feel like maybe we need to move on as it’s always at the back of my mind e.g. thinking of booking a holiday abroad but thinking oh but what happens if I’m x months pregnant by then so maybe not a good idea to book etc. and ttc has become a bit of a chore but it’s a big thing to accept that there won’t be any more babies and this is it.

Our timelines are so similarly @Cosysocksallyear the age gap now would already be double what it would have been, we're now at the primary school stage, I feel like the family I imagined has already gone, as in even if we ever did have another this would already look different to what I imagined, but at the same time would still like another child, I'd love to be able to stop thinking well I can't book that for in a few months time incase I'm pregnant, it's exhausting. I think I need to be able to stop waiting for something that increasingly feels like it won't happen and instead make plans and be happy with what we have

It's a tough decision. I have been trying for 17 almost 18 years and we have no children together. I'm 37 now , we deicided to stop trying when I was 30 . I just kinda accepted things. I felt embarrassed to be honest and went through humiliation from friends and locals with endless horrible comments , jokes and jibes regarding us not having kids and just wanted to crawl under a hole. At 33 everything just kinda flipped and I realised i wanted to be a mother so badly. I went back to my doctor and seeked a referral. It's taken 4 years of waiting for that help and were now awaiting to hear from the fertility clinic . I truly regret the few years that we stopped trying as it could have made all the difference in terms of success. If I was in your position having a child already i suppose I'd be more content with the decision to stop . It's emotionally draining but I think you do truly need to ask yourself if it's one you'd come to regret