Feel like I’m living a double life :(

[Superstorefan123]

Anyone else exhausted trying to keep up the double life of trying to conceive and go to work/socialise/present a happy face to the world?

I’m really feeling the side effects of my clomid medication today, plus spending a lot of time thinking about the babies I’ve lost over the last year and how sad I’m feeling. All the while trying to get on with a busy work day and smiling my way through meetings!

I guess it’s so hard as 1) no one talks about it and 2) it’s not like an illness so you can’t really take time off work when feeling rubbish!

Anyone in the same boat? Need some solidarity at the moment, feeling very lonely :(

I literally went to my internal ultrasound appointment from work, and came back to work- they don’t know what the appointment was for. Not a bad check up but not as good as expected/ I’ve got a fibroid that they want to take out. As I was in the lift to come down post appointment, a man says to me sarcastically ‘looking happy there’ and I just thought fuck off! You’ve got no idea what I’m in here for, I’m on my own in a hospital, my relative might have just died! Why would I be standing in a lift, grinning!

it is hard, it is challenging, I’m only in the early days really of potentially an infertility journey, and there’s lots of pressures and worries to deal with. Life can be really fucking hard.

It is hard sometimes, if necessary you need to make excused to not go to social events, especially pregnancy/kid related ones.
I've actually told quite a few people about us ttc and also about fertility struggles. I think it really has helped over the last few years to have friends and family member that I can vent to when needed, and because they know we're struggling they are very considerate about what sort of things they ask (my grandma used to constantly tell me that I was at the perfect age for a baby, and how she already had a baby long before, but since I talked to her about my fertility problems she no longer pushes that way anymore, meaning a lot less awkward moments of pretending that I'm not thinking about kids yet).
Different things work for different people, my partner is much less social, so he only told very close family and as far as I know not much either.

It might be worth pushing for some sort of counciling or talking therapy or infertility help groups if you don't want to tell the people in your life.

If you're on clomid if might help to try and concentrate on the treatments that are still to come that might just be the ones that solve it all. I'm getting to the end of letozole (and have kind of given up hope of it working) so I'm trying to focus on the fact that IVF is coming next and there are so many people that got their kids through IVF when nothing else has worked before