Over before it even begins. Anyone else feel this way?

[JD90]

Just a bit of a support thread I guess. I'm feeling really hopeless atm. I'm pretty sure today or tomorrow is ovulation day (had a high LH result last night will see what it does today if it keeps climbing or not) but I feel like I'm out for this month already.
I know it sounds stupid! I'm not sure dps heart is really in it this month, I had a chemical last cycle and an ectopic back in October. Both of these have really knocked him (understandably!) I made the mistake of telling him now is the time and we need to go for it the next few days. We did BD Sunday which is technically in my fertile window, we did also on Monday but (Sorry tmi) didn't 'end' in the right place (which I won't lie actually really upset me but I didn't tell him as I don't want him to feel bad/pressured or like I'm only having sex with him to get pregnant as that is most definitely not the case). I go to work at like 6am and he doesn't finish until around 10/11 so out schedules Monday to Friday are obviously mismatched in that sense. I did make a move last night but he said he was too tired (absolutely fine I'm not going to try and pressure him he never would me) and we agreed we'd try again this morning as I'm at home today. Unfortunately that didn't happen for a few reasons including a minor disagreement involving my teenager. Now Im just sat at home feeling like shit, feeling like I've missed the chance for this month as I can see tonight being a repeat of last night. Time really isn't on our side as I am 'old' (nearly 38) and I just feel like we've lost out on a cycle before it's even got there.

Sorry for such a long post, I just want to know I'm not alone in my no doubt insane overthinking and anxiety about it all. Why does this all need to be so complicated 😢

Awww lovely. You poor thing. I just lost a pregnancy at 7 weeks (so definitely feel you on the over before it began) and am super surprised to be ovulating 2 weeks later!
BD-ing after a loss is really tough emotionally but I think all any of us can do is keep trying. Initiating a chat about it could be helpful as he might find it hard to tell you how he feels and that in turn might help. I know a lot of men struggle with this.
Wishing you lots of baby dust x

It can he hard OP, but your partner needs time to grieve also! He likely is very tired if working till 11pm! What time does he actually get to sleep?

I'm assuming he isn't the father of the teenager? Does he have any children? Have you both had any testing since your recent losses? Hycosy to check your other tube, semen analysis etc?

I'd suggest NOT telling him anything about your fertile time- yes, IF he asks, otherwise, keep it to yourself. Plan some annual leave or weekends away during your fertile time going forward. Try not to be hard on yourself.

@TheFanciestPants thanks for your kindness :) the whole situation is tough isn't it. I'm desperately just trying to not worry about it as much and just enjoy myself but as I'm sure you're aware it's easier said than done!

@CC4712 no he isn't the father of my teenager and he doesn't have any kids of his own. Which in a way I feel like adds more pressure (only in my mind) because I know how much it means to him and how much he deserves it. I know he is grieving and I'm not at all trying to push him out of his comfort zone, I just wish he would talk to me about how he is actually feeling about things. Sometimes he is just so laid back about life it's crazy, but that's in comparison to me and I'm very much an introverted overthinker.
The consultant that did my surgery said he wanted to start seeing me in his clinic 3 months down the line for a couple of different reasons, but unfortunately the whole dept is so so busy that I'm unlikely to be able to see him until towards the end of this year! So as yet no extra investigation but if we are still trying by then it will definitely be the first thing I ask to look into, and if there is no sign of any appointment later in the year I will probably see if we can arrange some private investigation. I know it will happen at some point, it just makes me feel so useless I guess. There is no real logic to any of my thinking either and I'm aware of that, so just trying to focus on getting as healthy as I can in preparation and attempting to relax my mind about the whole situation.
As for the whole working situation we both work long days (around 10 hours maybe a bit more) but he is a really good sleeper (like so many men) and can be fast off within 2 minutes, so probably gets anywhere from 8-10 hours a night. I've had chronic insomnia since I was a pre teen (obviously not helpful for my overall health either) so usually get anything from 4-8 hours on a good night.

@JD90 don't beat yourself up , your only human and not a machine. Trying to make a baby is exhausting and life gets in the way sometimes. I've felt like that this month aswell. Between the two of us it's been feeling tired ect we've often went several days without doing the business. For us its a month long process as I have pcos and don't ovulate or have periods every month and when I do its never the same ov time so we have to cover all month long. Since my loss in december It's really ramped things up and I've been doing everything from opk sticks, checking cm, ferning and bbt ..It's soo tiring. I'm pretty sure I'm out this month aswell as I feel period is on its way and sadly I don't think I've ovulated this month. I'm 37 so I feel your pressure about age. I'm sure my partner feels the same way that I'm using him as a baby machine 😆 I think the best thing is to sit down with your husband and have a conversation. Share your thoughts and feelings with each other regarding trying to conceive. Open and honest communication is the best thing in this situation