Why do I feel so heartbroken?

[Rockyslife]

Me and my husband have been trying for 18 months now to conceive, were currently going through fertility tests and treatments. Yesterday our 3 best friends sat us down and told us theyre all expecting babies in the summer and they didnt want to tell but they had too, they're my husbands best friends 😔 they werent trying for a baby and were even joking that they have no choice and they gotta just get on with it bla bla bla and how it happened over Christmas drunk. I litrally felt numb and sick of the thought of them all expecting together and being so happy. I feel jealous even and thats not a nice way to be feeling for friends, why am i feeling like this i feel like such a nasty person

I'd feel exactly the same op. You're allowed to have your feelings and be happy for others at the same time

I find it really odd that people sit other people down to tell them they’re pregnant nowadays?!
Although I now have children, I went through IVF for my first and we struggled with infertility. What you’re feeling is completely normal, understandable and doesn’t make you a bad person. During this season of your life, you are allowed to put boundaries in place to protect your heart. This means saying no to baby showers, sending gifts in the post but not seeing the new baby, not going to christenings. If they’re your real friends they’ll understand - I sent a message to people saying basically that I was so happy for them and loved them dearly but right now I was struggling and in pain so needed a little bit of distance to keep my heart intact and love them from afar. Every single person understood and were so kind.
Theres lots of fertility/infertility accounts on Instagram who talk about this, you’re really not alone. It is soul destroying when you want something that is out of your control and others don’t seem to even want it/try and achieve it.

You're not a terrible person OP! Infertility is heartbreaking and impacts you so much.

We had the exact same situation last year with husband's 3 best friends all expecting and us on year 5 of infertility. I couldn't bare to respond to their messages or attend their baby showers. Even seeing them pregnant made me so sad and bitter, especially as for 2 of them they got pregnant very easily.

We were open about our infertility journey with friends and I feel that helped them be sensitive to us a lot. It sounds like your friends are trying to do the same, though perhaps not always succeeding. I agree with the PP who said about letting them know when you can't attend events to protect your mental health.

Thankfully after 4 rounds of IVF I am finally pregnant, but I still feel a little sad that our baby will be the youngest of our friendship groups, while everyone else is on baby 2 (their baby 2's are toddlers now).

I have everything crossed for you OP, I hope you get your baby soon x

You are not being unreasonable at all.

I lost a baby last year and had to avoid my fiancés best friends wife/new baby, my sister in law/her new baby. They were born in November and I’ve only just met them now. They understand.

do what’s right for you 💜 I hope you’re ok xx

@Rockyslife

You are not a terrible person at all!!! What you are feeling couldn’t be more normal/ natural/ understandable. There’s this huge narrative that you have to be “happy” for other people when they announce pregnancy news. Why?? Are they spending their time feeling desperately sad for you? Should they have to feel sad because you are having fertility struggles? Of course not. They are happy for themselves and you are allowed to be sad for yourself.

Im so sorry you are going through this- it’s so hard, hope you find some answers and solutions soon xxx

I think it's normal how you feel. You're entitled to your feelings and that does not make you nasty. Fertility struggles are mentally draining and so isolating. Give yourself a break and dont be so hard on yourself. If they are real friends, they will understand.
I also wish you good luck and sending baby dust your way. I am crossing my fingers that it happens for you soon. 🤞🏻✨

I'd feel the same. Especially all of them being due at the same time. I'd plan a nice holiday in the sun with plenty of cocktails around that time, they'll definitely be the ones jealous of you - trust me!

3 best friends?

Hi @Rockyslife i would feel the same x
I had alot of moments like this. I met my now husband at 40 years old. Prior to meeting him I was attending wedding after wedding through out my life but it was never my turn but finally my time came.
Sending you lots of positive vibes x

You're not nasty at all OP.
It's normal to be feeling this way, I hope you get your pregnancy soon ❤️