TTC age 40 plus......Five cycles in, to quit or not to quit?

[JoRobyn]

Just that really, feeling so disheartened and like it won't happen, and that am too old to keep just trying. On the other hand I feel so heartbroken at not having the chance to be pregnant and have a baby again. Anyone in a similar boat? Have words of wisdom? Or just a friendly ear?

Bless you..

just my two cents based on my infertility experience and also based on my IVF on one of the best centres in Uk

• lots and lots of protein (think 2 litres of milk to make eggs massive)
• anti inflammatory supplements and diet
• consider immune regulator injection (fertility centres have it)

good luck don’t give up xxxx

Thanks you so much for your reply, what anti inflammatory supplements and diet do you recommend?

Hi! Sorry you are feeling that way. It's hard. I recommend reading 'It starts with the egg', lots and lots practical advice there on supplements, diet, etc... it's really good.
I haven't got a positive story ( yet!) but I can be your friendly ear and share my experience. I'm 39, TTC for 2nd child for 5 years. Tried everything. Most of the time I feel heartbroken when AF arrives, but then I think I am not out of the game yet!💪🏼 It's hard not to have a hope... don't give up just yet!! How do you feel about your health, cycles in general?

OP if it helps, everyone I know who tried for a baby in their early forties got pregnant. Also a couple who were older (45/46) and one who already had children via IVF and had been told she wouldn’t conceive naturally, who then got unexpectedly pregnant.
Five cycles isn’t very long. I had both mine in my forties, and the only thing I did was mention to my acupuncturist that I was trying. I got pregnant after the acupuncture, so that is worth a try.

Thank you. Will definitely give that a read.

Honestly? My weight is way too high and I'm often very stressed. Eat way too much crap and drink too much coffee and coke. I'm really struggling with PMT now I'm older and that coupled with the tww is nasty, and putting both me and my OH off trying again. I know I can't not though, this was meant to be the 'last' month and I've really struggled with it. I feel that this might make persuading him to go again hard.

I'm so sorry you've been going through this for so long, it's so consuming

anti inflammatory : no sugar at all , olives, salmon, non carbs, tomato ,nuts, butternut squash; omega 3 supplements and turmeric

I had off with first kid but 2nd one took just once and we concieved, but I went to amazing mel brown (melaniebrownnutrition.com) and did her diet for 3 months prior….

I’m already in menopause (age 46). I concieved 2nd kid at 38 when they absolutely couldn’t find my ovary at all so absolutely miracle I concieved ; really really I recommend this diet plus as I said before I was on 2lt full fat milk a day with extra protein powder x

Sorry I meant I had IVF with first kid (not off) xx

Thank you! It's really nice to hear some encouraging words. I've been really sad about it all

Of course you would be my love … the pain of infertility can only truly be understood by anyone who’s been through it; i was close to suicide what else can I say

you need just 1 egg! If the quality is fab you can conceive today

1 thing I ll tell you: the month I concieved my 2nd, I could feel my eggs getting bigger and bigger (and juicier 😉),I was actually in pain, never ever ever have I felt this before. The heavy milk daily with the two scoops of quality protein did the trick 😉

if you have a partner (whether ivf or not) get him to take good quality pycnogenol (high antioxidant) again recommended by Mel but also my amazing clinic

start this diet today and I promise you, you have this! x

I do have a partner. One who has just given me a long and extensive list of reasons we shouldn't try again. They're all very practical (and absolutely not wrong) but it's just such a matter of the heart isn't it

@JoRobyn he’s probably bit sick of talking or thinking about it… understandable but I’m sure you don’t need it ..

chin up, heads up, and in case you’re still trying naturally go for morning sex due to higher testosterone (best tip ever!)

you got this 😘

How many kids do you have?

Unless I'm missing something this all seems a bit premature. It sounds like you have had a child/children before, you're in your 40s....5 months really isn't that long. If you want another baby then I'd say give it a bit more time. Have you previously fallen pregnant very quickly?

I had DC1 at age 39 (met DH relatively late / mid 30's, plus it took a while to get DC1), tried for DC2 for years (IVF not an option) finally fell pregnant and had DC2 at age 45 last year. I was a size 16 so above my ideal/healthy weight. It's so disheartening and disappointing each month, such a roller coaster. Luckily for me DH was very much on board or I would probably have given up and as a result wouldn't have had DC2. I found it so hard emotionally but we kept trying and to my joy and amazement we were eventually successful. I see from your update that your partner has given reasons not to continue, but as you say its a matter of the heart. If DP is willing absolutely keep trying, wishing you the best of luck

Yes, probably is all early in trying, but it took a really long time for me to get my OH to agree to try again (we do have kids, two, no problems having them, a miscarriage before our first but otherwise straightforward) one of the things we talked about during the many months of me wanting to and him not was only trying for a certain amount of time, and that time has now passed. My partner can be pretty black and white, and think he thinks that is that, it didn't happen, wasn't meant to be and we can just move on. I don't feel the same (kind of wish I did tbh. Unfortunately, some stuff that was in his reasons for not has become more apparent (finances mainly, not in the shape we'd like them to be at this stage in life) so he's very head driven to think it's not the best idea, I don't disagree, but it's hard. I just feel so strongly that I need to.....like I say, head Vs heart I think

@thejadefish I'm a good 18/20 ATM, was doing quite well with trying to get a bit healthier but the stress of PMT and the tww combined got me all off the rails (food is my poison)

Hi @JoRobyn started my period today 😔 TTC baby #2 and i'm in my 40's
Hoping we get there soon x

@Summer2424 I'm CD2 so hopefully next month is ours 🤞🤞🤞 (well, if I can persuade my OH)

@JoRobyn I was the same, I knew that if I lost weight it should increase my chances but I comfort eat and I found the constant hope and disappointment upsetting and stressful. Small things can make a difference, DC1 started school a few months before I fell pregnant. I was trying not to snack but not actively dieting and somehow lost half a stone which I put down to the school run (10 minute walk each way, so not much exercise at all). I wonder if it helped me conceive DC2 but there's no way of knowing of course. Its so difficult x

@JoRobyn yes defo 🤞❤

Really do appreciate the replies. I've found it very difficult to talk to people about, I think with being older, already having the kids, people just assume we're done (and family have expressed they think we should be in not so many words!) So yeah, nice to chat about it

I’m 39 and TTC since june 2022.
its early days - 100% don’t give up and start looking up fertility clinics before you give up yourself ….

reading comments above - I’ll be taking on the milk and protein powder suggestion!
also iv started taking maca powder in juice in morning ( meant to be good for blood circulation/ fertility) and it’s natural which I like

been researching other things to help and acupuncture seems to be suggested on elsewhere - not sure on this myself and also expensive per session :/

ovulation tracking - easy at home strips are great and cheap

That's really tough @JoRobyn if your partner isn't on the same page. If you really don't feel ready to stop trying I guess all you can do is talk to him again. Good luck.

I'm 42 and TTC after hubby had a vasectomy reversal