What would you choose if you were me?

[TheBirdintheCave]

Relevant history:

We have one living child conceived naturally after 15 cycles of trying following a diagnosis of male factor fertility problems (low sperm motility of around 15%).

We've been trying for second since Dec 2021 and have had two missed miscarriages during that time. The first was a blighted ovum and the second had a heart beat but then stopped growing at around 8 weeks.

We went for a fertility assessment with Kings Denmark Hill last week expecting to be told that we needed IVF but my husband's sperm test had actually drastically improved. His motility is now normal at 44%.

I am 36 and we want as small a gap as possible between our first and second. I personally don't want to be pregnant after the age of 37 so we have about a year left.

The choices:

We were given two choices from our fertility clinic and I'm curious as to what you'd do in my situation. I cannot make my mind up.

1

Keep trying naturally whilst having investigations (blood tests) to see if there's a cause for the recurrent miscarriages. The consultant thinks it's unlikely that it's anything more than bad luck as the miscarriages were different and we already have a living child.

Drawbacks: Historically we don't get pregnant quickly and I already feel like we don't have much time left.

2

Cut our losses and go straight to IVF with the possibility of genetic testing of any embryo's created to have the best shot at keeping our next pregnancy.

Drawbacks: Spending around £5k with no guarantee of success.

There’s a 3rd option.

Go for induced ovulation with a trigger shot and timed intercourse. Maximises your chances of conception every month.

That’s what I ended up doing after IVF didn’t work for us due to low AMH. I’d had 3 miscarriages by that stage. My consultant recommended taking Letrozole to produce 2 eggs per month to double my chances and then she would monitor me during the cycle and tell me when to trigger ovulations. Then we would BD at 12, 24 and 36 hours after trigger. We did 7 cycles and I had 3 chemicals, 1 missed mc and finally a successful pregnancy out of them. You can still have your blood tests etc. while doing this.

PGS of embryos is not all it’s cracked up to be and actually you can end up discarding embryos that would have led to successful pregnancy. If you are going down this route then really do your research before you make a decision. The doctor that invented the process even admits that this kind of testing is not why the test was created in the first place.

@Pollywoddles I can ask for induced ovulation? I thought because they hadn't suggested it that it wouldn't be an option for us. That's interesting.

And that's actually good to hear about the genetic testing. It's a lot more expensive to do that so we were on the fence about whether to bother if we chose IVF.

We went through kings.

I'd go for option 1. Have the tests and keep trying. We used proxeed with great success twice.

@Twizbe How did you find them? They seem quite cold and clinical so far with us but there's no one closer to where we live with better prices :/

I worry with option one that I'll just panic more and more as the months go by without another pregnancy.

Fine. This was back in 2016 and our first baby following 2 years of trying.

They were informative and listened to our questions.

We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility and were offered IVF. They told us to think about it (I had some concerns so wasn't sure I wanted to do it) and to try using proxeed for a few months and then come back if we wanted IVF.

We went back and were booked in for our IVF cycle but I got pregnant naturally before that.

I do remember while waiting one day there was a same sex couple waiting to be seen to. When the nurse came out she greeted them with a big smile and they said 'here's the one you made earlier'. I smiled at that.

You can ask for whatever you want, you’re the one paying! Don’t be afraid to question things or do your own research- IVF clinics can be very ‘one size fits all’.

So we decided to go with the IVF. AF is due on Friday and I'm already so depressed about another month down the drain that I just want to move forward.

We looked into ovulation induction but the higher risk of twins isn't worth it for us.

Good luck with it, I hope you get your bfp quickly.

@Pollywoddles Thanks, me too. I'm so fed up with TTC and everything that goes with it 🤦🏻‍♀️

Hi @Twizbe May I ask if it was male or female proxeed? Did your partner have poor SA results? Thanks xx

We took both.

Our tests were all ok and we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.

DH's sperms was the right side of boarderline but he only has one testicle due to mumps.

We got pregnant twice 4 months after starting taking it.

I wouldn’t suggest IVF unless you really really have to. It can be horrific.

@Berrystraw I don't feel like I have any other choice :( I'm too old to keep trying and failing every month. The last pregnancy took eight months to happen. If that's the case now and the next one sticks by some miracle I'll be nearly 38 when I give birth and that's just not something I want to do. It makes me so anxious just thinking about it.

@Berrystraw i’m not sure how to define when you really have to. It’s been two years for us and I’m 36 now so I guess it’s either try it or don’t but accept it may never happen and then having to live with the decision not to try it forever

IVF isn't always horrific, it's a very individual thing. You could be lucky and breeze through it - I found some cycles harder than others. It took me four cycles to have DD, and yet my friend (same age) feel pregnant following her first cycle. Don't go into it thinking it's going to be awful - it's actually a very exciting, positive time because you're giving yourself the best chance of success. I had some tough moments, but the alternative is pretty hard too.

May I ask why you don't want to be pregnant beyond 38, @TheBirdintheCave? I'm just curious - I'm currently 43 and due my second baby in August (so I'll be nearly 44!)

@RedPandaFluff It's just a personal choice really. We have a two year old and I never wanted a large age gap between my children. He turns three in November and would be nearly four by the time I turn 38 which just seems a horrible time to go back to nappies and bottles etc. I'd much rather keep get all of the baby stages out of the way in one go, if that makes sense.

Totally get that - if I'd had the choice I'd have had my children in my early thirties, unfortunately that's not how life turned out. My DD will be over 3.5 when the baby is born and it does feel like we were just getting our lives back and now we'll be plunged into the baby chaos again! It's going to be hard, but I think worth it.

@RedPandaFluff I'm sure it will definitely be worth it :) And congratulations 😊