How long...

[NatGee]

... til you got your bfp?

Needing some cheering up as we head into cycle 10. Naively we didnt think we'd still be ttc and the process is beginning to wear me down.

Honestly starting a thread like this probably isn't the best idea. I hate them. So many "first try" "weren't even trying" answers. It makes me want to cry and I can't imagine it will do you any good either. As you can tell I'm a bitter woman!
Ttc can be soul destroying, I'm sorry. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

@Lightandlow i suppose i didnt anticipate the kind of response id get. I also suspect that most of the people on these threads are chasing that elusive bfp so perhaps not the best of ideas, yes, youre right.
Im 38 and dh is 39. I got pregnant when i was v young but had a termination. Have also done all the nhs tests, including a privately paid semen analysis and its all normal. Whats your story?

@NatGee good that all results are normal. Hopefully it will happen for you soon. My first took a year to concieve. It's been 3 years ttc now and all our results were awful! Also 38. Had no tests first time but was early 30s so I do wonder what test would have been like then.

Hi @NatGee

We got our BFP this month, our 10th month TTC. It's only very early days still but after a chemical in cycle 1 we're being tentatively hopeful.

TTC is such a tough journey. Sending you lots of luck and baby dust x

About 18 years for me followed by 5 miscarriages

On month 5 now with no luck - I'm only in my late 20s and everyone in my family got pregnant and carried very easily so I just naively assumed it won't take longer than 3 months. I know in the scheme of things it's very early but I can't help but worry :/

@Lightandlow sorry to hear your results were not as good as youd hoped. May I ask what exactly was abnormal and what is your plan of action? Was that a full calendar year or 12 cycles to conceive your DS? Any reason you didn't investigate when you were in your 30s?

@doublewater Congratulations and thanks for replying! Early days and the most exciting too. Wishing you a very healthy and happy pregnancy xxx

@Surely2023IsTheYearForMyRainbowBaby I am sorry to hear it's been eighteen years for you, I am sure your rainbow baby is closer today than it was yesterday!! Would love to hear more about your journey, have you received any diagnosis for your miscarriages? sending you lots of love xx

@anna2101 I began to panic when it didnt happen for us after two cycles and booked us as many tests as we could. People said it was early days for us but if youre serious about conceiving then time is of the essence so I completely understand that after five months of ttc youd be concerned. I am assuming everything is normal with you and your DP?

It took 14 months. We were told we would need ivf due to DHs low sperm count so we didn't think it would happen.

It took 5 years and 6 cycles of IVF!

Mine were neither quick nor slow I'd say. But my SIL had a bit more trouble. 15 months for their first, had tests, no problems, eventually it just happened. Then their second baby took a month. They feel it was literally bad luck.

I think in your late thirties you have a roughly 1 in 4 chance of conceiving each month if you're healthy. So most people would (statistically) conceive within 4 months. But stats don't work like that obviously. There will always be outliers who just get unlucky.
I'm trying to say that if there's nothing wrong, then your chance on any given cycle is just the same as any other couple of similar age/health/lifestyle. The ten failed cycles are behind you. The next cycle is new, and carries the same 1 in 4 chance.

Ah! There is something comforting in hearing that it's not just me who go panicky so early 😅 Yeah it's really not how I saw my 2023 going so far. I had a general gyno checkup and ultrasound before we even started and that was all good. And we both did bloods at that point too. DH did a sperm analysis test this week, will see what results say. Ttc really sucks when you are a planner ...

It was 1year/12 cycles. My cycles were arond 30 days then. We were going to go to the gp at that point as under 35 the advice is try for a year. Went after 6 months this time as older, all results were bad to be honest. My amh is "drastically low" I was told. OH SA came back really low and with a lot of abnormalities. Recommendation was ivf but we just couldn't face it!

I think it’s SO insensitive when women boast about conceiving immediately. I know it’s not badly intentioned and simply their experience, but we know so much more now about how common pregnancy loss and infertility are. It does nothing but make other women feel like shit!

I took 4 months (29) and then 15 months (31). Meanwhile literally everyone around me conceived on the first or second month, so it was really isolating. But sadly for many friends who conceived easily, they suffered loss or have had to make really difficult choices to abort. Very few people have it easy, it’s just too painful to talk about honestly.

Great your tests are positive! I’m sure it’ll happen even if you need treatment. A colleague who had IVF had unexplained infertility, she told me up to 20% of couples have no obvious issue. But she responded amazingly well to ivf at about your age and now has 4 embryos she doesn’t know what to do with! Good luck xx

For my first at 36 it took over a year trying naturally and two cycles of IVF before conceiving. At 38 I was about to start another round of fertility treatment when I got a natural BFP only 2 cycles after getting my period back post breastfeeding. Such a shock. The body can be so confusing sometimes! I also have a sister who conceived immediately both times so felt a bit- woe is me.
Sending lots of luck xx

Just to clarify I don't begrudge anyone their bfp at any time it's just you know, read the room! Someone says they are struggling and you get a load of insensitive replies. I've been around these boards too long 😅

@fairgame84 oh well done you two for keeping at it and congratulations. Did you think of doing IVF or would that not have worked for you? This gives me hope, thank you so much for sharing

@Rockingcloggs amazing, congratulations! thanks for sharing

@Gingernuttie so much has to go right for conception to occurr and when you think of a 25% chance of success in any given cycle it really doesnt seem like much ! youre right its a gamble each time. I do despair because of my age, who knows when menopause will kick in Congratulations on your nephew/niece, I am glad it worked out for your SIL, sounds like we just need to keep going and cross our fingers

@anna2101 ah well done, what proactivity - sounds like we are cut from the same cloth! I'm not enjoying not knowing when things will happen for us as I can't plan ahead more than being sad about it ha still a little sad, but more frustrating than anything. I very smugly thought that because i hadnt been on any kind of contraceptive for over 12 years it would give me an advantage but clearly not. Keep going, you're still so young, so much time ahead to enjoy your baby/ies xx

We started saving up for ivf. We agreed to have one go but only one because the success rates are poor and it's very expensive. Luckily we didn't need it.
I think our success was due to the ferti-lily cup. We got our bfp the first cycle we used it.

@Lightandlow Did you ask to see the actual numbers? Also I read this recently which may help us view these very common markers amh, fsh etc in a different light or at least think about them with a bit more of an open mind
www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2017/10/176119/fertility-tests-mot-waste-money

We too decided not to have IVF done as I figure if my body isn't doing it naturally then why force it? Sorry, a bit of an antiquated mindset but it feels like its the right decision for us. I wish you all the baby dust in the world, DC#2 has to be right round the corner

@crhendy Yes boasting about it I agree is quite insensitive I am glad there is more awareness out there about the issues we as women face in relation to difficulties in conceiving and even carrying a baby to full term. In my case its not so much that the women in my life boasted, I just knew of their situations which were thankfully for them free of complications, even in older age.

It really is SO difficult seeing everyone else with their beautiful babies, and thinking of those who began trying after you about to give birth. I am ashamed to say it but I try not to look as its beginning to make me feel jealous - what an awful feeling to experience.
Thanks for taking the time to reply and for your well wishes. we've decided not to do IVF so maybe 15 months is our lucky number too and we just have to keep going, 10 down, 5 to go !