To go from 2 to 3?

Lifeisrosy · 2023-01-05T19:56:18+00:00

Hello, Not sure if this is the correct place to post. First time poster. I just wanted to ask people how did they know whether to try for a 3rd or subsequent child. It was an easy decision to try for a second as I didn't want DC1 to be an only child. It was a very long road to DC2 with multiple losses so I feel very blessed to have them both. I always thought I would want more but now I'm unsure. However unlike my friends that have two and stopped by choice, I also don't feel done at two. I'm feeling very torn and getting older, 38, I feel like I need to decide asap whether to try. Thanks in advance.

Twoinapod · 05/01/2023 20:00

i always thought I would be done at 2. But now my youngest is almost 2 I still feel like theres someone missing, and I don’t want a big gap this time, so we have made the decision to try for another. Having the coil taken out on Tuesday and hoping I catch quickly.

Original poster

Lifeisrosy · 05/01/2023 20:20

Twoinapod · 05/01/2023 20:00

i always thought I would be done at 2. But now my youngest is almost 2 I still feel like theres someone missing, and I don’t want a big gap this time, so we have made the decision to try for another. Having the coil taken out on Tuesday and hoping I catch quickly.

Thanks twoinapod. Youngest is almost 2 here too and its got me thinking

OP posts:

northernmam · 05/01/2023 20:29

We are currently trying for our 3rd and I've been back and forth about it. Our youngest is 15 months so would be just turned 2 if we got pregnant now. There's a 5 year age gap between our first and second and I would prefer a smaller gap this time. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Anonbaby · 05/01/2023 20:47

Good luck! We always knew we wanted a third and conceived our first two easily and been trying for a third now for almost two years with absolutely no hint of a positive in that time. I don’t think it’s age as we were 33/34 when we started. They can’t find anything wrong but it’s heartbreaking. I’m sure you won’t end up in my boat but I would probably recommend going into it open minded if you can because I didn’t and it’s caused me no end of upset 💔

sillyziggy · 05/01/2023 21:03

Hello,

38 and expecting my third. I'm 19 weeks at the moment.

We have a 4 and 2 year old. It definitely involved more discussions compared to trying for a third. Ultimately we decided to go for it, took longer than the other two to conceive.

Spent the first few weeks after the positive test thinking "oh shit", but now absolutely cannot wait to meet the final addition to the family.

It's not an easy decision and I remember reading threads lots of threads on mumsnet. Good luck with whatever you decide. X

LovelyBitOfSquirrelll · 05/01/2023 21:04

Hi OP, we have decided to try for a third this year. I also didn’t feel “done” and for some reason, during my last pregnancy, I didn’t even think that could be my last? Which makes me think I knew I wasn’t done! Whereas this one will definitely be our last, if and when we conceive. We have a 10 year old DD and 2 year old DS. My mind goes back and forth about it, knowing that it’s another few years of nursery fees, which limit what we can do as a family (holidays, or nicer car etc) but we think it’s worth it for another child. And money is the only “con” when we talk about it- the hard work of 3 DC doesn’t phase us to be honest.

Sorry for your heartache @Anonbaby 💐 I do worry that I could also struggle for a third. I hope it happens soon for you x

sillyziggy · 05/01/2023 21:04

^ Sorry I meant compared to choosing to got for second

wildmoon · 05/01/2023 21:05

Hey OP

Why don't you leave it in the hands of fate... maybe just stop being 'careful' for a while and see what happens... x

sillyziggy · 05/01/2023 21:09

Oh @Anonbaby so sorry to hear this (sorry I hadn't read your post before I posted).

It took us much longer too (18 months, compared to first time with our previous two), I honestly thought it wasn't going to happen, which is a complete torment when you have a idea of what your family will look like.

Really hope it happens for you 🤞 Xx

Anonbaby · 05/01/2023 21:22

@sillyziggy thank you for your message. It’s given me a bit of hope although I still can’t envisage it ever happening. I think it’s been 20 months or something now. We are considering IVF but really unsure. I’m 36 now so feeling under pressure to make a decision

Original poster

Lifeisrosy · 06/01/2023 10:27

Anonbaby · 05/01/2023 20:47

Good luck! We always knew we wanted a third and conceived our first two easily and been trying for a third now for almost two years with absolutely no hint of a positive in that time. I don’t think it’s age as we were 33/34 when we started. They can’t find anything wrong but it’s heartbreaking. I’m sure you won’t end up in my boat but I would probably recommend going into it open minded if you can because I didn’t and it’s caused me no end of upset 💔

I'm so sorry Anon baby. I know exactly how you feel. We tried for DC2 for almost 2 years. 3 losses in that time. Went to an fertility specialist, both had every test available and no reason just bad luck. Sending positive thoughts.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lifeisrosy · 06/01/2023 10:27

sillyziggy · 05/01/2023 21:03

Hello,

38 and expecting my third. I'm 19 weeks at the moment.

We have a 4 and 2 year old. It definitely involved more discussions compared to trying for a third. Ultimately we decided to go for it, took longer than the other two to conceive.

Spent the first few weeks after the positive test thinking "oh shit", but now absolutely cannot wait to meet the final addition to the family.

It's not an easy decision and I remember reading threads lots of threads on mumsnet. Good luck with whatever you decide. X

Congratulations

OP posts:

Original poster

Lifeisrosy · 06/01/2023 10:30

LovelyBitOfSquirrelll · 05/01/2023 21:04

Hi OP, we have decided to try for a third this year. I also didn’t feel “done” and for some reason, during my last pregnancy, I didn’t even think that could be my last? Which makes me think I knew I wasn’t done! Whereas this one will definitely be our last, if and when we conceive. We have a 10 year old DD and 2 year old DS. My mind goes back and forth about it, knowing that it’s another few years of nursery fees, which limit what we can do as a family (holidays, or nicer car etc) but we think it’s worth it for another child. And money is the only “con” when we talk about it- the hard work of 3 DC doesn’t phase us to be honest.

Sorry for your heartache @Anonbaby 💐 I do worry that I could also struggle for a third. I hope it happens soon for you x

Thanks for your perspective.

I think the biggest "con" for me is that I am so time poor already and feel like I don't have enough time for them individually as it is. I work FT in a high pressure job which doesn't lend itself to PT. Tried 4 days after DC1 and I worked 5 days anyways. So I think the mum guilt holds me back but equally feel guilty as I know they would love another sibling. Their bond is amazing. I think thats what makes me want a 3rd.

I'm rambling

OP posts:

Coffeeandcrocs · 06/01/2023 10:33

Hi OP, I have 3! They are 8, 3 and 1 ( the last two are 22 months apart ).

2 kids is 2 kids, 3 kids is 15 kids! It can be absolute carnage but I love my chaos.

Mummymidwife33 · 06/01/2023 10:33

I have 2 from my first marriage and thought I was done even when I met my second husband. 3 years on and I'm desperate for a third. I'm also 38 so worried about that and my youngest is 10 so completely starting again!
Vasectomy reversal next Thursday so 🤞
The way I see it is I will never regret a baby but I will regret not trying.