TTC #2 taking longer than expected - anyone else?

[vitahelp]

I’m already lucky enough to have a daughter age 4 and was very fortunate when I was trying back then to get pregnant in the first cycle. This gave me a confidence (cockiness?) that meant I assumed it would be quick this time too. But here I am starting cycle 10.

In some respects it helps to know we have had a child together before so not too much can be wrong. But either I have become infertile since then (I’m 36 now and under no illusion I’m getting on a bit fertility wise) or it is just going to take a lot longer.

I always wanted a fairly big age gap as I knew we wouldn’t cope well with 2 very young children, but now I’m regretting leaving it so long as the gap will be bigger than we hoped. Or she may end up an only child because of the decision to wait.

Is anyone around in the same boat? I feel awkward discussing this with people trying for their first as it can come across as ungrateful since I do already have a beautiful child and family unit.

Hi @vitahelp we are TTC #2 only 3rd cycle but like you with my DD who is now 2.5 we conceived first time. I was 35 when I conceived her 36 when I had her and I've just turned 39 last week so under no illusion that it will take a little longer potentially.

I did miscarry the year before we concluded DD and with that pregnancy we conceived in cycle 4 so I don't know how much I should get hung up on age !? Although I guess there's no denying fertility decreases with age.

Hi :)

We started loosely trying last May but I have had quite long cycles and a couple of months off trying in the middle so although it feels like forever this is I think only cycle 4 of properly trying using ovulation tests. DD is 3 and was conceived on our first try so I was hoping it would be the same this time.

Hi @vitahelp. It took 3 cycles to conceive our DD 3 years ago, aged 35. After 9 cycles for our second and nothing happening, we went for a private fertility MOT. It cost about £500 and identified that I had low ovarian reserve at now age 38.
I actually fell pregnant naturally on cycle 13 and am now 25 weeks, so we didn't get any further with assisted conception.
But it definitely helped to know exactly what we were dealing with and we had some good advice from the consultant.
Might be worth doing, if you can?

This is happening to me. Started trying for no. 2 in Nov 21, caught December but had ectopic in January leaving me with one tube and nasty bout of sepsis. Since them my periods have not been the same, strong PMS and horrendous ovulation pain. And obviously not falling pregnant. Worried it just won’t happen now, esp given how quickly I caught before x

Thank you ladies for sharing your experiences and reminding me that I'm not alone.

@Smiffette That's interesting that it originally took you 4 cycles to conceive and the next time it was first try. It does show that there is a degree of luck involved and that age isn't necessarily the only factor. The age concern wasn't helped by a visit to the doctor at the 6 month mark where I was told that 36 is a key age for fertility decline (I had turned 36 a month prior!)

@cavebaby I'm the opposite and have fairly short cycles, so although I've only been trying 7 months, it has been 9 cycles. How long ago did you have your DD?

@Lucy304 That's interesting that you took matters into your own hands and booked a private MOT. I hadn't considered that and was somewhat fobbed off at the NHS doctors at the 6 month mark where I was told to come back when it has been a year. I'm wondering now if the private MOT might be covered via private healthcare - did you use healthcare insurance or just pay outright? Congratulations on your pregnancy, I'm so glad it worked out for you in the end and has given me some hope. I agree, it must help a lot to know there is an issue, of course it can be anxiety inducing to know something isn't quite right, but I'd rather that than be in the dark.

@Seasidegirl11 I'm sorry to hear you are going through the similar, and what happened to you in January sounds awful and the resulting effects. Do you have an end point in mind when you think you will have had enough of trying? I hate to ask that question, but it is a question I am already asking myself. I think mentally I couldn't just continue TTC indefinitely as I feel in a state of limbo where I'm not really in the moment anymore and fear I'm not enjoying my family as I should be. This may just be me though, when I want something I obsess over it terribly and find it hard to just wait, so this process isn't very healthy for me.

Hi @vitahelp. No health insurance here unfortunately so we just paid outright. My understanding is that you can get the same investigations on the NHS, even for secondary infertility, but I just didn't want to wait so we pushed on.
Try and take some comfort from the fact that you have had a successful pregnancy before. Our consultant said it is very, very rare for couples to go from fertile to completely infertile in the space of just a few years. It just might take longer or you might need a bit of help.
Good luck x

@vitahelp we send we would try until spring but I feel a lot more relaxed now than I have previously. I can’t see myself going back on contraception but it’s hard to ignore ovulation when I have such obvious ovulation pains so not sure what I’ll do come spring… just going to reassess each month. It’s so hard no thinking about it given it’s only once a month or so that you can try…

@Lucy304 Thank you for sharing that it is very comforting and I will try to remember that. I just worry that I’ve crossed that point where fertility changes quite dramatically but hopefully not.

@Seasidegirl11 Im glad you’ve felt more relaxed as time has gone by. I feel I’m becoming more accepting as time passes. You’re right there, if you could get pregnant at any time it would be easier just to TTC in a more casual way, but because it is such a small window you do need to be quite aware of it to be in with a decent chance. I know I shouldn’t compare situations but it is annoying to think of so many people accidentally becoming pregnant… I’m just like how did you do that and I can’t even do it when I’m consciously trying!!