Here we are again - 4 losses and positive no.5

[BecauseICan22]

As the title says, 4 consecutive losses this year, most recent ending in an Ectopic this September.

I have today tested positive although I've know for about a week I'm pregnant. I think I'm around the 3/4 week mark. But I'm as usual now thinking 'well I'm pregnant but at this stage, it can all clearly still go wrong'. I can't even feel optimistic because I've been here so many times before.

Symptoms are sore breasts and tiredness. That's it.

Is anyone else experiencing something similar?

Thank you for your kindness. It's such a limbo place to be in, and I can't talk to anyone as no one other than DH knows. He's being supportive and lovely, I'm grateful for the good things.

How are you feeling? 😊

I might be brewing another early loss, period due on 11th and I cba to test anymore. It means nothing really.

I'm so very sorry for the pain you've both been through. I understand the eye rolling aspect though, it's that 'here we go again' feeling. You've just helped me to realise something, I'm absolutely treating this BGP as a miscarriage and like PP said, it's because I know I can't change the outcome.

I hope you don't mind me asking, and please don't respond if you'd rather not, where are you on your journey? Has there been any factors identified in why you're having recurrent miscarriages?

Hi OP, sorry about your previous losses and hope this one sticks for you. Are you trying for your first baby or have you had successful birth before? I had two consecutive miscarriages three years ago then I started acupuncture treatments before conceiving for the 3rd time and carried on until 12 weeks, which was a very good pregnancy with my DS who’s now 2. Now we’re TTC baby No.2 and I started acupuncture a few months ago. I understand that it’s alternative medicine and it can be controversial, but just want to share my experience with you. Good luck with this pregnancy!

@BecauseICan22 No, happy to share. Our 13 losses are natural conceptions ttc #1 between 37 and now 40. We’ve done 4 rounds of IVF/ICSI in addition to bank and genetically test embryos (so no transfers yet). I get a good number of eggs and we have good fertilisation rates but we have a big drop off in our embryos days 4-5. We only get 2 day 5/6 embryos each time of middling grades. We have 7 in the freezer, only 1 is genetically normal, 1 is a mosaic (so, a maybe) and 3 are fully abnormal (so illegal to transfer in the UK), the remaining 2 are untested as I stopped wanting to know (more miscarriages in waiting I suspect).

As to causes, they suspect poor egg quality/age is the issue. DP has some sperm dna fragmentation as well but they aren’t too worried about that. There is likely also to be an immune system aspect as well, so they give me steroids for that and will do so as well when we finally transfer. But really we are considered ‘unexplained’.

We’ve tried everything, including human growth hormone, melatonin, every supplement and action listed in ‘It starts with the Egg’, filter our air and water, take a bazillion supplements to improve mitochondrial competency, red light therapy and, yes, acupuncture. Some of it may have helped a bit but not enough to really make a difference. I’m probably just too old now, my eggs are duff.

Thank you so very much for sharing your story. You've certainly given me perspective. Every time I have a loss I tell myself I can't do it again. Then I get that feeling back and think, no I'll keep trying. Your post has made me ask myself how much of my decision to continue is coming from that desire for a baby and how much is 'we've been through so much, one more try isn't going to hurt', and I go again. Then I've asked myself how much of this has become almost like a habit, familiar territory. TTC, ovulate, wait, test, BFP, fail. Have you thought about where your journey will lead?

I'm 42 DH is 47. Every time we've TTC I've fallen pregnant instantly but can't get passed the first trimester. I've been reading about IVF, it's a whole other world as I've never experienced it. I'm looking at Create clinics near me, even though technically I'm pregnant right now.

We're leaving for our scan and I feel sick, not pregnancy nausea but nerves. I think I'm realising that my eggs are not good quality and while I'm falling pregnant very easily, my body isn't doing what it should. So perhaps it's about stopping?

I'm sending you love and good energy.

I hope everything went well today OP x

@BecauseICan22 I hope everything went ok.

it may not be your eggs, it could also be your husbands sperm. Sperm quality does also decrease once over 40 or 45 which a lot of people don’t realise. Yes unlike us they can become a father a lot later in life as they don’t stop producing sperm like we do eggs but their quality does decrease with more chromosomal issues etc. Has he had a sperm analysis?

How did the scan go, op? Hoping it went well for you

Good morning all.

The scan showed my uterus was empty bar a small area that could have been or could be a developing gestational sac.

I had my bloods taken and got a call yesterday evening to say my HCG level is 15 which indicates more than likely a failing pregnancy. I've been asked to come back on Sunday for another set of bloods as it might just be too early;
but I know this pregnancy is not going any further.

I'm beyond drained and there's nothing left in me right now.

Thank you for all your kind wishes and advice.

I also have zero miscarriage signs but I know it's coming.

@BecauseICan22 I've had 5 miscarriages and know it’s still rough with each one, and how horrible it is to have the thought ‘oh I can’t plan anything then as that’s when I’ll be miscarrying’ even before things go wrong!

The NHS pushed me to go to counselling after my 5th and I didn’t think I needed it but thought I hadn’t much to loose, and it has actually been helpful.

Hope you’re ok, look after yourself.

@BecauseICan22 I’m so sorry to hear this. Please look after yourself 🤍

I've started bleeding this morning.

I think I knew when the digital test came up as 1-2 weeks so many days after the first digital 1-2 weeks.

Thank you to all the lovely posters who shared, offered advice and gave kindness to a stranger. Thank you.

I’m so sorry xx

So sorry @BecauseICan22. Sending you lots of love and please be kind to yourself xxx

I’m so sorry @BecauseICan22

@BecauseICan22 I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You don’t deserve it. My experience is not nearly as extensive as yours but I fully recognise that feeling of BFPs as not being the joyful moment they once were but instead just a precursor to a miscarriage. Sending you lots of hope and strength and love.

Sorry @BecauseICan22, it’s shit isn't it. Be gentle with yourself 🌷

Thanks, yes I am mulling over the stopping point as well. Might do one more embryo creation round then transfer what we have and be done with the whole sorry thing.

I want to be done with this ttc nonsense by 2024, have promised myself that this is the last year of self-flagellation then I will put it out of my mind. Am keeping an ‘infertility bonus list’ and at least I won’t ever have to worry about contraception again, my body takes care of that itself. 😬

So sorry OP. Best wishes 💐

So incredibly sorry @BecauseICan22 X