We are currently TTC #1. I am 31 and DP is 35. Neither of us have any history of pregnancies. We are now 13 cycles in on cycle day 26. My cycles are usually 27-31 days and up until cycle #10 I was using OPKs to track ovulation. I haven't traced the past 3 cycles as I was getting stressed out & obsessed with them so needed to give myself a break. So far we have absolutely ZERO success. No BFPs, no chemicals, no MMC. We are going to contact the GP in the new year once AF inevitably arrives in the next few days and get the ball rolling with some tests. I've had the day 21 tests already which came back as 'normal' but we agreed on waiting until the new year to see if our chance would come naturally before that.
The past couple of hours I've been having cramps and bloating (usual PMS type pain) but no other sign of AF yet. Yet another BFN though so fully expecting to wake up to AF's arrival.
Why is this so hard? This is supposed to be one of the most natural things in the world. We were taught that it was so easy to get pregnant. Please spare me the BS of 'it's because your strong enough to cope with this' or similar. I'm not. This is destroying me. Every month that passes, every BFN, crushes my heart and soul a little more than the last. The jealousy of seeing pregnancy announcements, the guilt of feeling that jealousy. I hate it all.
I can't even share the pain because we haven't told anyone we are TTC to spare us the pressure of people asking. Sometimes I just need to get all of my thought out of my head, have a good cry to myself and sleep.
I started off this journey feeling so positive and I really hate what it's made me become but I have never wanted anything in my life as much as we want this.
Sorry for the long/negative post but I needed to offload...