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Original poster

Entries wanted: Most idiotic advice from well meaning family/friends to ttc mumsnetters.

34 replies

SweetFudge · 02/12/2004 19:26

I got one from my cousin just half an hour ago when we were speaking on the phone.

She said "Can I be frank with you? Why don't you just concentrate on getting on with your life and get a pet?"

This from a woman who spent years ohhing and ahhing over baby clothes in shops and telling us what she'd dress her babies in before she had her two kids recently.

I love her to bits but if someone had given me a stupid stick at that moment, I'd have crawled into the phone and smacked her with it.

Best entry gets a brand new electric cattle prod to poke at any future stupid "advice".

OP posts:
morningpaper · 02/12/2004 20:00

"Can't you just forget about it and see what happens?"

(advice from everybody)

Makes me want to shout OFF!!!

vict17 · 02/12/2004 20:03

"relax" and "chill out" were particular gems of my dh's which made me want to throw him against a brick wall

MiaouyChristmas · 02/12/2004 20:04

Why is it that people think that saying "Can I be frank?" gives them free license to be rude and hurtful?

I think ttc is enough of an emotional experience without do-gooders sticking their beak in where it's not wanted.

And did they really think that you would turn round and say, "Do you know what, you are so right, what am I thinking of?"

Grrr....

hester · 02/12/2004 20:05

"Why don't you just go and have casual sex with a stranger?"

and . Yeah, that's really how you wanted to bring your child into the world, isn't it? Plus... what are the odds of that working?

Slink · 02/12/2004 20:10

"maybe it's not meant to be, be thankful you have one..."
or" there must be something wrong with you if you haven't had one yet.." said by inlaws and you really want to say well actually if your brother had a better libido i would have had 20 kids by now.

hester · 02/12/2004 20:14

Oh, and 'Why don't you just concentrate on the other things in life? You can have a good life without children, you know" from people with kids.

Or, "Why don't you just adopt? There are plenty of children needing good homes, you know". Yes, I do know, and I'll work my own way through that option without your glib advice, thank you very much.

Or even, "You should try IVF!". From people who know zilcho about me, my fertility or my obstetric situation.

marinda · 02/12/2004 21:00

This woman I work with, like me one kid and TTC just say's "Why don't you just get pissed, forget about TTC and the JUST BD at any time not just when OV". THAT REALLY PI*ES ME OFF - AS IF THAT WOULD BL*DY WORK"

happymerryberries · 02/12/2004 21:01

From my mother, after my m/c 'Don't worry, after all, what you never have you can never miss.'

Slink · 02/12/2004 21:13

HAPPYMERRYBERRIES that is awful poor you xx

morningpaper · 02/12/2004 21:51

Aw Slink poor you! Maybe you shouldn't come out with that line to your MIL over Christmas dinner though....

jingleballs · 02/12/2004 22:13

it will happen when u least expect it....

ur dad saying to u, well you were bloody hard work when we went in for u.....

ur nan saying.... all your grandad had to do was look at me and I was PG!

(embaressing more than anything)

jeddah · 02/12/2004 22:51

your mother-in-law saying.........
'I think you should go for IVF.....I am not sure what that exactly is ...but I think you should go for it!'

or.........
her saying.......'oh it must be so hard for you...I caught on in a month with your dh!'

Twiga · 02/12/2004 22:54

From well meaning friends after mc - "Look at the positives, at least you know you can concieve" - yeah like that makes up for it how exactly?

Original poster
SweetFudge · 03/12/2004 00:11

OMG, bloody hell. What is it with couples who already have kids? Does it make the rest of us ttc a sub species open to potshots like those?

Twiga- I've had a similar m/c comment which nearly made me hurl the muffin I was eating at my friend (or to be honest, fiend?) in Starbucks.

Hester- ditto the casual sex one. Real comedians right? and the adoption one. Oh, right? So, adoption IS an option? How STUPID of me not to know!

Marinda-Yep. Got that one too. BD all the time. Ovulation timing? No, that's just for hippies/anal retentives/uptight yuppies who just don't GET that BD is about FUN and SPONTANEITY. GRRRRRR. I'll give you spontaneous..........

Happymerryberries-I'm sorry too. My mum was as well meaning and as unintentionally hurtful.

Jeddah - Made me laugh with what you said about the mysteries of IVF and your MIL.

Slink-LOL. Please let us know if you do have a go at the inlaws one day.

Morningpaper- Yeah, what is with that "Forget about it and it will work." What? The sperm are waiting for that moment when you're off guard and they'll sneak into your uterus and shout surprise before ravishing our unsuspecting eggs?

Jingleballs and vict17- haven't got those gems thrown my way yet, but I'm optimistic. It can happen yet.

I'm pretending that we're all sitting together and drinking crates of wine and laughing 'cos it is better than getting infuriated.

Any more gems?!!!!!! We need to laugh.

OP posts:
MeerkatsUnite · 03/12/2004 09:43

And I'd thought I'd heard most of the rubbish spouted by now from family members and friends commenting on how best to ttc!. Seemingly not. Am very sorry to read you have all been on the receiving end of such nonsensical "advice" (I use that term advisedly).

I never got any such "meaningful" or "helpful" NOT advice only and primarily because we as a couple made a conscious decision not to tell any family (especially mis parentes) about my fertility problems. They just would not get it.

I always knew it was going to be difficult for me in particular when it came to ttc anyway because of my irregular and excruitiatingly painful periods. I didn't need "well meaning" family members or friends to make me feel any worse than I already felt.

My best wishes to you all

Tania2 · 03/12/2004 10:51

Hi girls i just had one from my MIL the other day. "why are you ttc another baby when dh is starting another buisness you wont be able to afford another baby" Yeah that eat you out of house and home its not like i am giving up work or anything gave that up when pg with ds. GRRRRRRRR she can talk pg at 17 living at home with her mother and 6 siblings.

Tania2 · 03/12/2004 12:09

OMG have i killed this thread??????

Original poster
SweetFudge · 03/12/2004 12:11

No,No,No, Tania2. Am amazed that you kept your cool in face of superior sounding judgemental MIL. What did you say in return?

OP posts:
Tania2 · 03/12/2004 12:19

She said it on the phone and she did start of with the good old saying "can i be frank" and "please dont take this to offence" Grrrr but i managed to keep my cool (mainly cause she is my only babysitter!!) and said that "we knew it would take us a while so why wait!!!! and... our children will be rich with love!!!"
She soon shut her gob and said fair enough now we are getting presure to produce a girl cause she only has Grandsons. typical!!!

Original poster
SweetFudge · 03/12/2004 12:29

Quite a demanding woman, isn't she Tania2?

Don't you feel your smile start to tighten when someone starts saying "Can I be frank?" You know nothing good or useful is going to be coming out of that particular cakehole anytime soon.

OP posts:
Tania2 · 03/12/2004 12:32

You know i have learnt in this ttc journey to say "No not really cause i have heard it all!!!!"
DH nearly had his head through the wall the other night when he told me that we need to relax about it and it WILL JUST HAPPEN!!!!!!! Grrr feeling all angry just typing it!

Original poster
SweetFudge · 03/12/2004 13:46

Good one Tania2 - I'm going to try your response next time someone tries to be "Frank" in "my interests." Has your DH recovered from his near miss re. getting acquainted with the wall?!

OP posts:
greenbug · 03/12/2004 14:10

Isn't it amazing how heartful people/relatives can be even when they mean well.

I must admit I followed MeerkatsUnite path and have not told relatives about our issues. They would not understand, you are so right, Meerkats. Although my dh from time to time gets on my nerves with his coments "I am always ready, you just have to produce an egg".... as if i am just sitting on top of them not letting them go....

Original poster
SweetFudge · 03/12/2004 14:25

LOL, greenbug Bet that got your DH to clam up straight away!

OP posts:
Tania2 · 03/12/2004 20:25

Had to tell MIL we were ttc cause i needed her to babysit ds while i was seeing the gyno and natrapath.