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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

36 and delaying TTC because of house, am I crazy?

50 replies

TTCorHouseReno · 01/12/2022 11:12

I’m 36 as is my DH. We’ve just bought our first house and we have been waiting to have a mortgage before we TTC for the security. We wanted to start trying this cycle. However the house needs more work than we originally thought which will be expensive. I’m now scared of TTC in case we end up juggling house bills alongside mat leave, me working part time. I keep thinking can we leave TTC just another few months to get more money under our belts. But part of me thinks no I’m 36 I need to crack on?! Am I crazy to wait?

OP posts:
DrMarciaFieldstone · 01/12/2022 11:57

I wouldn’t wait. You never know how long it will take. There’s no perfect time to have kids anyway.

caffelattetogo · 01/12/2022 12:22

God no. Start trying now.

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 13:31

I wouldn't wait. If you're only thinking of delaying a few months you'll have 9 months to save up before maternity leave starts anyway. Unless your finances are dire I'd always prioritise fertility as that isn't something that can be fixed or improved later whereas money possibly could.

socialmedia23 · 01/12/2022 16:10

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 13:31

I wouldn't wait. If you're only thinking of delaying a few months you'll have 9 months to save up before maternity leave starts anyway. Unless your finances are dire I'd always prioritise fertility as that isn't something that can be fixed or improved later whereas money possibly could.

Would you say the same to a 30 year old?

socialmedia23 · 01/12/2022 16:11

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 13:31

I wouldn't wait. If you're only thinking of delaying a few months you'll have 9 months to save up before maternity leave starts anyway. Unless your finances are dire I'd always prioritise fertility as that isn't something that can be fixed or improved later whereas money possibly could.

Genuinely asking!

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 16:36

@socialmedia23 probably yes, however I struggled to conceive which will likely have affected my outlook/opinion (I was 36 when I started trying, had my first at 39). If I'd found it easy my answer might well have different, I don't know...

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 16:44

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 16:36

@socialmedia23 probably yes, however I struggled to conceive which will likely have affected my outlook/opinion (I was 36 when I started trying, had my first at 39). If I'd found it easy my answer might well have different, I don't know...

I say I was 36, but it was about a month or so before I turned 37, and I've known ladies conceive easily at that age (and beyond), so my opinion is very my down to my personal circumstances really, which obviously isn't the same for everyone!

socialmedia23 · 01/12/2022 16:47

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 16:36

@socialmedia23 probably yes, however I struggled to conceive which will likely have affected my outlook/opinion (I was 36 when I started trying, had my first at 39). If I'd found it easy my answer might well have different, I don't know...

It's interesting. I want to move before I have a baby. We own a flat but it is quite a small 2 bed so hoping to get a bigger flat. I am worried if I have the baby in the flat, I wouldn't be able to move if I have to spend money on childcare fees. Or it might be much harder.

hence I am starting the process of selling my flat now to upgrade. Cos who knows how long that would take. I have a SIL who is renting and has a baby now (my age). Perhaps she is right and I am wrong. But at the same time ,I don't know her full financial situation, maybe after she has a baby, her in law's would give her money to buy a flat as renting in her country is also unstable. I know that's not going to happen for me because my parents were self made and don't believe in handouts for adult children and my MIL is poor. So in her case having a baby makes sense because she is not going to be able to save enough to buy anything without parental help (likely) and having dependents would actually get her more money to achieve her goals.

Misty999 · 01/12/2022 16:49

Don't wait the house will wait your fertility won't

Disneygirl37 · 01/12/2022 17:00

Don't wait if you really want kids. There's always something.
When you're 55 would you regret not having kids or not doing the work on the house. My eldest is 19 there's still work to be done on the house!

MiniHouse · 01/12/2022 17:00

I wouldn't wait. We started trying for our second at 37, one year later still not pregnant. For my first I was pregnant at 33 in 4 months. I think 36 is a good age but I wouldn't wait if at all possible.

Organzo · 01/12/2022 17:01

I would recommend you think about the oldest age you would be happy to have a child, and subtract 5 years from it. That is when you should start TTC.

If you'd be OK with having a child at 42, then you could start TTC at 37. It will hopefully happen sooner than that of course! But I've now experienced over 3 years of completely unexpected infertility, and I have no idea if there's good news on the horizon.

So I would say get going soon if you want to try to avoid it going far into your 40's. It might happen straight away, but it might not.

spare123 · 01/12/2022 17:02

Crazy to wait, particularly if you want more than one child

Ladywiddio48 · 01/12/2022 17:06

No don’t wait at the age of 36,my daughter was 35 when she started to TTC,ended up having an IVF baby at 39.

Time is not on your side at your age.

drkpl · 01/12/2022 17:07

If you really want children then I don’t think it’s a good idea to wait. Your fertility may be great until you’re 40, or it could already be on a significant downward slide. Some people get pregnant easily at 42, but statistically speaking many women struggle to conceive after that point. If you want more than one child then this might be particularly relevant. There’s never going to be a perfect time to have a baby, but if you want one then it’s better to have a child alongside other commitments, than to sort the commitments but have no child.

Calmdown14 · 01/12/2022 17:15

Are you currently taking the pill? If so at the very least you should stop that and use other methods.
It can take 6 months plus to leave your system.

The question is what will you regret more? Falling pregnant the first month and juggling things or never having kids and wondering if those six months would have made a difference?

Closuretime · 01/12/2022 17:17

Hoe many kids would you like OP? I'm with others!

Eixample · 01/12/2022 17:20

TTC and do what you can to earn extra and spend less in the meantime.

AuntyPeanut · 01/12/2022 17:20

There are always cases where the woman gets pregnant 'later' in the fertility window but I wonder if you don't actually want children.
If I'm wrong and you definitely want to have your own biological children then delay no more.

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 19:13

@socialmedia23 as someone living in a house too small for our needs I can very much relate! Ultimately I guess you need to think about what is most important to you, and crunch the numbers. A bigger house/flat is going to cost more regardless of whether you have a child now or in a year's time (and if it cost more than you anticipated would that lead you to delay ttc). We completed our purchase when I was about 8 months pregnant, gave notice on our rental then discovered that the wallpaper in the place we bought was hiding dodgy wiring, they'd done something weird with the gas and we ended up needing the house rewired, plastered, new central heating and decorating (& new kitchen. I didn't love the avocado green bathroom suite either but that was able to wait a few years!). Luckily the landlord let us stay an extra month whilst we got the house fixed- we managed the rewiring plaster and gas before moving in but we still had the flooring to do (plumber found some rotten joists that needed replacing) so ended up moving into what felt like a building site with a 3 week old. I don't recommend it, but my point is that you'll find a way to make it work if you have to. It might not be the easy route but fertility is a bit of a lottery you don't know if you'll find it easy or not until you try, and if you do struggle you could potentially waste years trying to figure out the cause and any options available to you. If it's something that you very much want, I would ttc now and not wait.

socialmedia23 · 01/12/2022 19:29

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 19:13

@socialmedia23 as someone living in a house too small for our needs I can very much relate! Ultimately I guess you need to think about what is most important to you, and crunch the numbers. A bigger house/flat is going to cost more regardless of whether you have a child now or in a year's time (and if it cost more than you anticipated would that lead you to delay ttc). We completed our purchase when I was about 8 months pregnant, gave notice on our rental then discovered that the wallpaper in the place we bought was hiding dodgy wiring, they'd done something weird with the gas and we ended up needing the house rewired, plastered, new central heating and decorating (& new kitchen. I didn't love the avocado green bathroom suite either but that was able to wait a few years!). Luckily the landlord let us stay an extra month whilst we got the house fixed- we managed the rewiring plaster and gas before moving in but we still had the flooring to do (plumber found some rotten joists that needed replacing) so ended up moving into what felt like a building site with a 3 week old. I don't recommend it, but my point is that you'll find a way to make it work if you have to. It might not be the easy route but fertility is a bit of a lottery you don't know if you'll find it easy or not until you try, and if you do struggle you could potentially waste years trying to figure out the cause and any options available to you. If it's something that you very much want, I would ttc now and not wait.

Do things really work out all the time? If you go on any property thread where someone is talking about how they can't afford to buy, the general advice is buy before DC. And they always say you should have bought before DC. I did find this was true. Also in your case, you did buy before having a child; the mortgage must have been agreed on when you were in early stages of pregnancy. I wouldn't have any issues on moving when pregnant.

Merrow · 01/12/2022 19:33

I wouldn't wait.

jays · 01/12/2022 19:35

If you really want kids, don’t delay, there’s no perfect time. You’ll make it work, go for it now.

SchrodingersKettle · 01/12/2022 19:40

Whilst i probably wouldnt wait PLEASE be aware the "it'll probably take a year to conceive" gang may be wrong. Once you are TTC it could actually happen - and believe me if everyone has been saying get on with it, hurry up, you can't afford to wait... if you stop contraception and fall pregnant the following month it is quite a shock.

I know LOADS of women who fell pregnant easily at your age. I myself got pregnant very easily aged 42 and had a textbook perfect pregnancy.

If you decide to wait, take vitamins, do LOTS of exercise, get yourself in the best possible physical condition. Puts you in a good position when you are pregnant.

thejadefish · 01/12/2022 20:03

@socialmedia23 I would agree that ideally buy before having DC, but if (as it was in my case) time is against you then it's a case of figuring out what is the most important/what would be most upsetting if things didn't go how I wanted e.g. I got the house but didn't conceive and blamed my fertility issues on waiting, or I had the child but finances or size of house made daily life a bit of a struggle. I was pregnant when we were looking and subsequently bought yes, although in some ways that added its own pressure as a mortgage offer only lasts x time and I wanted to find a house before the offer expired and my income dropped due to being on mat leave (which I assumed would be taken into consideration if I needed a new mortgage offer, not sure if it would though)

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