Is someday now? How did you have TTC timeline discussion?

[glowingworm]

Interested to know how people decided jointly on when to ttc
How did you know the time is right?
Were you both on the same timeline?

My partner would like children at some point probably, however now we are both in our 30's it seems more pressing. I genuinely think they just feel we have lots of time

How into your 30's are you?

Me and DH started trying after he had finished paying off a significant debt, as l didn't want it hanging over our heads. We were 33.

We are now trying for number 2 and we are now approaching 35.

In our 20s we were both leaning towards no kids.
We we’re sort of coming round to maybe and then we went to a wedding just after I turned 30. It was lovely and so family focussed and something just clicked! It felt a bit like, why not now! we actually tried that night (completely the wrong time of the month so didn’t work).

We were going to carry on but my dream job came up the week later. I got the new job, so now we’re starting as soon as I’m eligible for Mat pay in my new job.

So a real mix of practical and non practical reasons!

So as not to drip feed we would need fertility support so we wouldnt have a normal trying process. It would very much be a trip to the dr to commence fertility treatment so would be a fairly definate "trying"

Im just 30, dont feel it has to be now but we should be probably be thinking of a "when"

DH was dithering, then I got cancer and nearly couldn't have kids at all, so when I recovered we were go go go!

The pandemic put a bit of a pause on TTC for us as we felt as newly weds our life was on hold. We decided that when things looked more promising coming out of the pandemic 2022 would be the year to 'go places and do things' before TTC. We are now pretty much ready to TTC. If it wasn't for the pandemic we defo would have got here sooner.

Personally I also just began to lose a bit of interest in work/my career and was thinking of being a mother being more of my 'purpose' now. It was a weird internal shift and at times a shift I didn't really know how to navigate. It was helpful to have a friend I had previously worked with (who now has a 1 year old) to say she felt the same shift about her work life.

We always knew trying would be somewhere down the line and we just came to the time together. It is a weird thing to navigate though. We are late 20's for reference.

DH and I always knew we’d try ‘in the future’, but even now at 34 I wouldn’t say baby fever has fully hit, but we’re going to try for practical reasons. DH was definitely ahead of me in wanting to try but I’ve been navigating a challenging career and didn’t want to throw it all away. I also feel like it’s easier for DH to try when the majority of baby admin/leave/judgement will impact me more than him. Just like PP after working so hard this year I’ve have had a big mental shift and realised that I don’t care about work as much as used to, and I shouldn’t be prioritising it as much as I have.

I have to say if it’d had a baby at 30 my career would have taken a complete downturn and DH wouldn’t have been ready, but it’s like he woke up this year ready to crack on. I think trying can really spring up on people so don’t try to pressure your OH but if this requires fertility treatment maybe get the ball rolling and have the conversation about putting money aside / getting your fertility tested etc.

Watching with interest.

I hate to be that sickening person, but I never wanted any until I met my partner. Now we want just one (i'm an only child, he's 1 of 4).

There's a 3 year age gap between us (I'm older). We've got a big year of travels next year then have agreed to start from Christmas 2023.

I feel like I've accomplished all I want to in my career (a sad but real truth of being a woman in the working world- hopefully that will change), and the remortgage etc will be sorted. His job works v well with childcare/ me going back to work too and we're getting to the stage where it would be nice.

I've been doing NC as a contraceptive method for the past year so have a fair idea of my cycle, but who knows what that means when it comes to actual fertility. I'll update you next year 😂

@greenshirt06 its not sickening

Really interesting to hear thanks!

I always knew I wanted kids at some point, and my partner wanted kids too. When my wish for kids "at some point" turned into a "wish for kids now actually" it wasn't a good time as our relationship was still very new and we didn't even live together yet, but I was open about my wishes and feelings while also telling him that my brain knows that we're not ready yet, even if my heart wants to. He bought a place just a month after lockdown started and I moved in with him (lots of renovating to do, plus a giant health crisis, so still not a good time to start a family). Eventually it just grew to a point where we had lived together for a while, the place was done up far enough to consider having a baby in it, and the pandemic was starting to wind down, so we said we'd wait until we'd both gotten the covid vaccine (which took a while for me as I'm only in my late twenties, so very low on the priority order) and if I remember correctly we tried for the first time just a day after I had my jab (I was quite obviously not the right time of the month as I was just about to have my period, but we were excited and didn't care).

Been trying for well over a year now and despite a very early diagnosis showing I had fertility troubles, getting health care was proving a constant battle so I'm only now starting to receive some treatment (letrozole, first cycle didn't work, now I gotta wait however long it takes to try again at a higher dose).

I guess thats the other concern. Is that we wait until we are ready then it takes years after that to conceive.

Are you planning to get married first? I made it very clear to DH from early on I wouldn’t be having children without being married first. We’re recently married and planning to TTC after Christmas next year.

Probably, we are planning on next year or the year after just having the legal bit

@glowingworm the other hand of the coin would be starting early out of worry of delays and then you get lucky first try before you're ready (like having to find a bigger place to accommodate baby, bad timing carrer wise, having to get a different wedding dress to fit the baby belly...etc. all doable but all adding different kinds of stress)

I used to want to be married first. Had this perfect idea of being with someone for a few years, getting engaged for a year, then married a year or two and then start having kids. So around 6 years from getting together to first time trying. In school and university that was all realistic enough, but then I got out of a long relationship and then got with my partner now, who's a fair bit older, and it felt like waiting that long wouldn't be right anymore. Plus he doesn't want to get married as he is divorced and that kind of robbed him of the illusion of the whole "till death do us part" fairytale part of getting married