The pain of TTC when you know there is absolutely no chance

[Decaffe]

I have lost count of how long we’ve been TTC.

We’ve done it all, SMEP, Purple method, acupuncture, aspirin, Ubiquinol, fertility lube, the fertilily cup, doggy style, missionary, lying down after, all the supplements you can imagine.

I did IVF last month and even that didn’t work.

It wouldn’t be so bad if we knew there was an actual issue; all our tests have come back normal so sadly it seems like our issue is the one thing that nothing can fix. At pushing 40, my eggs are old and more likely to be chromosomally abnormal than normal.

I’m due to ovulate in the next few days so we really need to get cracking. But all the fun has gone out of TTC, and sex. I’m tired and fed up. What’s the point?

Has anyone else felt this way?

Can you afford to go private? If so, go to the ARGC in London.

I’m with you. Also there’s ‘going private’ and there’s ARGC. We went private, got as far as embryo transfer. I can’t justify that much money on another round.

Yep, it's just so hard, I've been there. I got lucky with a FET on my seventh transfer but was planning the ARGC as my next step if that didn't work. I think if you're approaching 40 and IF you can afford it then there's no point messing about. Sadly, it's out of reach for a lot of people (prob was for me tbh, I'd only vaguely researched and def would be now as it was 10 years ago)

Unfortunately after our NHS IVF is over there is absolutely no chance we can afford to go private.

As it happens DH was in a right hump last night and so TTC didn’t happen!

What was the issue with the IVF? How many eggs, how many fertilised, any to transfer? Has your DH had a DNA fragmentation test done?

Just because you say you ‘need to get cracking’ as you’re a few days away from ovulating, but why aren’t you having sex as soon as your period stops..? How long are your cycles? It sounds like you’re only having sex in the few days over ovulation which means you might be missing a bigger window?

Really hope it happens for you soon 💐

Oh yes, me. Same reason, elderly eggs at 40!

Just had natural pregnancy loss no.12 and start round 5 IVF embryo banking next month. Most of our embryos arrest and the ones that make it to day 5 are abnormal. I guess I am just too old, which is galling at 39/40.

I am just gritting my teeth and keeping on until I can’t any more. I’ll know when that happens, it’s not far off.

Short protocol. Five eggs, all fertilised but one double fertilised.

One failed to progress to day three.

At day 3, we had one 8 cell grade 1/2 (transferred on day 3 but BFN), one 7 cell grade 2, one 6 cell grade 3.

The 7 cell progressed to a 3BC by day six and has been frozen. The 6 cell made it to a 4CD on day six and was discarded.

Cycles 26-28 days with ovulation day 11-13. I track with strips. If I’m ovulating day 13 there’s no point TTC on day six. Although - don’t get me wrong, over the years we have literally tried every pattern from sex every three, two days, sex daily, sex twice a day one memorable month!

So sorry @Phrenologistsfinger, a hug of solidarity is coming your way!

Thanks @Decaffe, right back at you. It’s a really sh*t card to be dealt.

Oh right. I have a similar cycle but always started the moment period was finished and stopped ‘trying’ a day or two after ovulation. But sounds like you’ve tried it all ☹️ good luck with your next steps xx

There’s only so much sex you can have after years of trying. I limit mine to the fertile window because, really, who can be bothered…

We are quite good at the mechanics part (fertilisation), it’s just my eggs are duff so they never get past 6 weeks. Pregnancy No.12 (in 2 years) is on its way out as we speak.

I hear you! We be ended up doing TSI every month (I’m not in the UK) because we had been trying years, many miscarriages so we were literally just waiting for a good egg. Only having to do it three times a month for TTC made me very happy.

OP, it’s cold comfort but at least sperm is meeting egg and you got a good quality embryo. Now I know that it may have looked good but have been genetically abnormal but let’s put that to one side for the moment. Statistically 1 in 10 eggs will be normal at your age. I finally conceived my daughter naturally at 42 after 4 years and 7 miscarriages and I credit the book ‘It starts with the egg’. I see you’ve had supplements to improve egg quality. Have you had your testosterone checked? If you’ve never been pregnant, is it an implantation issue do you think? What tests had you have done surrounding this?