Page 2 | Risk of pregnancy doing this?

MsBombastic555 · 2022-10-21T17:46:24+00:00

Me and my boyfriend use the withdrawal method. However sometimes we do it twice in a row using this method. What are my chances of pregnancy if I was to keep doing this? Before you say anything I am ready to have a baby if it were to happen, it's more him that doesn't want one.

Original poster

MsBombastic555 · 21/10/2022 21:28

BattenburgDonkey · 21/10/2022 21:10

It’s your body, you are both responsible for contraception. Clearly you want to get pregnant so are happy with him not using contraception, but please remember that if you do want him to use condoms to protect you both, you can insist on it (and refuse sex if he won’t), it’s not just up to him.

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I know, thank you x

OP posts:

RandomMusings7 · 21/10/2022 21:34

That sounds like a recipe to become a single mother. Is the raw sex worth it?

RandomMusings7 · 21/10/2022 21:38

MsBombastic555 · 21/10/2022 20:05

I'm really not. I think I'm just getting broody. If he wants to use the withdrawal method that's his decision, he's a grown man.

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Once you have a baby you might just find out that it is also his grown up decision to have zero involvement with the baby other than paying child support (if you're lucky). He can still opt out of parenting after birth. You can't and will be left to carry the burden all by yourself.

If you're OK with that scenario just keep doing what you're doing

RandomMusings7 · 21/10/2022 21:40

mauvish · 21/10/2022 20:42

I've worked in sexual health. The usual wisdom is that if you definitely don't want to get pregnant, then you should use other methods of contraception, rather than withdrawal.

What's an "acceptable" method of contraception? There are lots of criteria - effectiveness against pregnancy is only one of them. Is it also cheap/free to use? Easily accessible? Acceptable to both parties? Minimal side effects? Little or no forward planning required? Withdrawal ticks all those boxes for you except the effectiveness against pregnancy.

If (either of you) really don't want pregnancy to occur, you need to seriously look at alternative methods. If, on the other hand, you (both) would be happy to accept a pregnancy if it were to happen, then withdrawal is an acceptable method.

It also depends a lot on HOW you use withdrawal. If you have a regular cycle, and especially if you're able to tell when you've ovulated, it can work very well to use condoms in the first half of your cycle then switch to withdrawal 48 hours after you're sure ovulation is over. Sperm can survive in the female tract for up to a week before ovulation, but the egg dies 24 hours after being released at ovulation.

I'm not at all sure that having sex twice (I presume you mean in the same session?) would make much difference to any of the above.

From the Planned Parenthood site:
What we do know is that withdrawal works about 78% of the time overall. But the odds of pregnancy are always higher during the 5 days leading up to, and during, ovulation — these are called fertile days. If no semen gets on your vulva or in your vagina, pregnancy can't happen — whether or not you're ovulating.

I know, I know -- dry facts are never quite so much fun as people being preachy are they?!

Just to put things in perspective, 78% efficiency means that almost 1 in 2 women will be pregnant within 2 years.

Whataretheodds · 21/10/2022 21:46

There are enough women (myself included) who didn't get pregnant for months while doing this to know that it's not the same as not using anything at all.

As PP says it depends on your age, when you have sex, at what point he withdraws.

If there is ejaculate on his penis when he has sex with you then there is a significantly chance then if there is not.

Whataretheodds · 21/10/2022 21:46

significantly higher chance

mauvish · 21/10/2022 21:47

Just to put things in perspective, 78% efficiency means that almost 1 in 2 women will be pregnant within 2 years.

Another way of putting that, is that fewer than 50% of women will fall pregnant in 2 years (compared with well over 80% of fertile-age women using no contraception whatsoever). Statistics swing whichever way you blow them.

I would never advocate withdrawal as a method for someone who REALLY needs to avoid pregnancy and tbh, don't really understand why people bother with any form of contraception if they'd be happy to accept a pregnancy. But there you go - we all make different choices and as long as they're in possession of all the relevant facts (which include the stats that you've used, and that I've twisted around!) - then that's their choice.

thecatspyjamas33 · 21/10/2022 21:47

I mean there is less chance of getting pregnant this way than by having full unprotected sex if you get my drift. But there is still a risk. You know this. Especially if you are going at it after one ejaculation without him peeing in between.

Fwiw dh and I used withdrawal and natural family planning successfully for years. We got pregnant when we wanted to and didn't when we didn't. I'm aware this could have been pure luck but I do think there is a lot to be said for withdrawal in the right circumstances. People on here act as if you'll absolutely get pregnant from it but not my experience.

In your case though I think you probably need to rethink things if your partner doesn't want a baby yet.

Original poster

MsBombastic555 · 21/10/2022 23:54

mauvish · 21/10/2022 20:42

I've worked in sexual health. The usual wisdom is that if you definitely don't want to get pregnant, then you should use other methods of contraception, rather than withdrawal.

What's an "acceptable" method of contraception? There are lots of criteria - effectiveness against pregnancy is only one of them. Is it also cheap/free to use? Easily accessible? Acceptable to both parties? Minimal side effects? Little or no forward planning required? Withdrawal ticks all those boxes for you except the effectiveness against pregnancy.

If (either of you) really don't want pregnancy to occur, you need to seriously look at alternative methods. If, on the other hand, you (both) would be happy to accept a pregnancy if it were to happen, then withdrawal is an acceptable method.

It also depends a lot on HOW you use withdrawal. If you have a regular cycle, and especially if you're able to tell when you've ovulated, it can work very well to use condoms in the first half of your cycle then switch to withdrawal 48 hours after you're sure ovulation is over. Sperm can survive in the female tract for up to a week before ovulation, but the egg dies 24 hours after being released at ovulation.

I'm not at all sure that having sex twice (I presume you mean in the same session?) would make much difference to any of the above.

From the Planned Parenthood site:
What we do know is that withdrawal works about 78% of the time overall. But the odds of pregnancy are always higher during the 5 days leading up to, and during, ovulation — these are called fertile days. If no semen gets on your vulva or in your vagina, pregnancy can't happen — whether or not you're ovulating.

I know, I know -- dry facts are never quite so much fun as people being preachy are they?!

Thank you for taking the time to write all of that x

OP posts:

allgoodthings84 · 22/10/2022 10:26

You want a baby and your partner isn’t quite ready but he knows where you stand so he should just put a condom on if he doesn’t want a baby yet.

we used the withdrawal without getting pregnant but we did not do this in my fertile time. We timed it carefully. Just like we now time it carefully the other way round to ttc.

The way you asked though kind of makes it look like you want to get pregnant and are hoping that this method fails for you. Isn’t it best you both have a adult conversation and decide one way or another or see if he’s happy to just “see what happens” rather than you wanting a baby now him not wanting a baby now and one hoping this method works and the other hoping it fails

RandomMusings7 · 22/10/2022 10:29

It's utterly selfish to bring a baby into the world knowing they are not fully wanted by the other parent and they might be resented or abandoned. If you were already pregnant it would be a different equation. But for you to orchestrate it... i find it really wrong. You're setting your baby up for unnecessary hardship.

Anonymous177 · 22/10/2022 10:31

It is thought that withdrawal was the main means by which the French birth rate fell about a hundred years ahead of the rest of Europe.
Don’t get your hopes up too high. I don’t know how old you are, but you want a baby and he doesn’t. You need to think about how long you can tolerate that situation.

Original poster

MsBombastic555 · 22/10/2022 10:55

RandomMusings7 · 22/10/2022 10:29

It's utterly selfish to bring a baby into the world knowing they are not fully wanted by the other parent and they might be resented or abandoned. If you were already pregnant it would be a different equation. But for you to orchestrate it... i find it really wrong. You're setting your baby up for unnecessary hardship.

I appreciate your response but I don't see how I'm "orchestrating" anything! I really don't. This is our preferred method of contraception which was completely put forward by him, not me.

OP posts:

BlueKaftan · 22/10/2022 12:26

Your casual attitude about possibly getting pregnant by your boyfriend is shocking. A child deserves better than this. And your boyfriend is even worse.