Would you TTC now?

[Mushroo]

I’m sending myself insane and I’d love an objective option.

In currently in a fixed term contract to March 2024 and have been told verbally it might be made permanent, but they can’t confirm until March 2023.

I love the job and would love it to be made permanent. It’s also very niche so it’s the only role of its type to exist in the country. If it doesn’t get made permanent I’ll have to go back to a similar line of work which is much more stressful and less enjoyable.

Do I:

• TTC now and not tell work I’m pregnant until March 2023? This would be cutting it fine as my contract is to the end of March, so work will be making a decision at the end of March 2023 and I would have to tell work very early April (and they would probably guess before that!). So they could easily not make the role permanent as I’ll have been off anyway.
• wait until December - as work should have made a decision re permanent role, so it’s either permanent (great!) or it’s not, but I’ll still be in original contract for Mat leave and I’ll know I gave it my best shot for the role to be permanent.

My ideal is to wait for December, but, I’d have to conceive before March to get my full 6ish months of Mat pay.

if it doesn’t happen by March, I’ll have to pause TTC whilst I look for another job and obviously wait to accrue maternity benefits so it’s a risk. So if it doesn’t happen before March, I probably can’t start trying again until 2024.

Basically Dec - March conception would be perfect as I would have given my best shot at my job being made permanent, but am I being stupid not trying now as it gives 2 extra chances basically. although OTOH - I have 4 chances December onwards, so the chance that an extra 2 cycles would make a difference is fairly low? I’m thinking it’ll either happen in 4 months or it won’t.

I’m 32 if that changes the opinion and it will be my first.

@Mushroo thats a hard decision op understandably. Although I should imagine whether they decide to made a job role permanent cannot be based on the fact your are pregnant as that is discrimination an they are now allowed to do that. If it’s a big reputable company a decision will be made on that regardless of your pregnancy status.

2 more guys may not seem like a lot but in ttc terms it is really. You really have no idea when you start whether you will become pregnant in 4 months or whether it will be 6 or 12 months.

Personally, and with hindsight from my own experiences. I would ttc now if you want a baby now and are ready. it can be a long hard process and delaying it you have to ask yourself will you regret it.

I fell pregnant straight away when ttc my first at 27. And was thrilled. Mc that pregnancy at 13 weeks though and then found out I was getting made redundant. I found a new job. But we didn’t delay ttc as I wouldn’t only get stat May pay. We kept going as it felt irrelevant after losing our baby. It then took me 7 cycles to fall again. Bring me my DD.

It had taken me 15 months ttc at age 31/32 with a mc at 9 weeks after 9 cycles of trying. a early chemical loss straight away again. And then after another 3 cycles I am now finally 11 weeks pregnant.
but I started ttc 18 months ago! It’s just such an unknown

good luck whatever you decide xx

It's impossible to say really. You could fall pregnant in the first month or it could take years. Pregnancy is really unpredictable. So I think I would do as you feel rather than try to plan it to that detail.

I’d say go for it with the baby making..

I miscarried my first pregnancy, and was tempted to try to time my second pregnancy for a friends wedding - we decided no as we didn’t know if/when I’d get pregnant again and low and behold it happened instantly and my due date was the day before the wedding!

This time we’ve delayed trying a few months due to work/personal health and I’ve miscarried again. I now feel that we should have just cracked on and that times ticking by which is frustrating.

Its a tough one because of course finances and your job are so important.. But I also think you can’t time nature, and it works in mysterious ways!

Good luck whatever you decide to go with xx

My advise from someone who's been through IVF.
I wouldn't wait.

It may take you years to fall preg or a month.

It took us 4 years in total to have our child.

If you do fall preg they technically can't discriminate against it and not offer you perm if that is the plan.

My advise, save as much money as you can from now and start trying

What would be worse?

1. you fall pregnant next month
2. you’re still not pregnant in March

Go with that. And your gut.

For me I conceived my first child immediately. Took us a while to start TTC for second as wanted it to fit in with our plans. Still no pregnancy 10 months later.

What would be worse?

you fall pregnant next month
you’re still not pregnant in March

Go with that. And your gut.

Im the same age as you op and this is exactly why we have started TTC. Realistically waiting 6 months to a year would be better for me in my career
but I figured if I get pregnant now I’ll be so happy to conceive and I’ll make it work with my job
if I don’t get pregnant I’ll be grateful I started the process when I did instead of waiting another 6-12 months

Genuinely thank you all for your kind words and insights.

I think that point around would I rather be pregnant now or not be pregnant March is telling. I’ve kind of been in denial that it will just all work
fine and be pregnant by March, but that is being unrealistic.

It also comes down to there’s never a perfect time, and I’m naturally an overhinnker who wants everything to be perfect, and biology doesn’t work like that!

im going to have a proper chat with DH this weekend and I’m leaning towards just cracking on with it!