I'm struggling right now to decide if I truly want another child. My DD is almost 2.5 and we talked about trying again in the new year. On one hand I would love her to have a sibling for lots of reasons and I also get the yearning sometimes for the good parts of pregnancy and parenting. However I had a rough pregnancy with DD the awful 24hr nausea from 6 weeks to 13 weeks (could have been worse but it hit me hard and I worry how I'd cope with a toddler and feeling like that). I also had a nasty UTI that required catheterization because I literally couldn't pee, thankfully that quickly resolved but was genuinely worse pain than childbirth. Then I ended up with SPD from about 26weeks which was debilitating and limited me physically. I normally workout 5 times a week, so going from that to barely walking was brutal. I also had multiple bleeds which were thankfully only due to a cervical ectropian but was nevertheless utterly terrifying at the time. Oh and the pandemic happened which made everything 10 times worse and I ended up with severe prenatal depression and anxiety.
Honestly it was some of the hardest days of my life and I am utterly petrified to go through it all again. I get the anxious feeling about bringing a second child into the home financially, emotionally, practically but I think my biggest fear is the pregnancy part.
I for sure have ptsd about it all but don't necessarily want that to stop me growing a family either. Honestly I'm so confused.
Anyone sympathise?