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Conception

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Original poster

Best friends wife is pregnant. Hate the person that FTC has made me.

23 replies

OracleInaCoracle · 25/01/2008 15:14

Im so jealous. I love BF and his DW to bits, and am so happy for them. ive known him since we were little and he gave me away at my wedding, i was best bird at his. but it seems that everyone around me gets/stays pg so easily. thats how its supposed to be, so why am i so rubbish at it? i take all my FA, eat well, dont drink and have even put on weight (a massive feat for me) so that we can have our longed for second baby.all for nothing.

i know that we are lucky, we have ds. we're alive and healthy and our relationship is good. we are seeing our consultant on thursday and will (hopefully) get some answers, but i feel so useless. and i hate the fact that i no longer get excited or feel optimistic about pg's/babies. if someone has spotting i cant tell them it will be ok, ftc has turned me into a pessimist, and a bitter cow, and i hate myself for it.

sorry, rant over, just needed to get it out

OP posts:

Karen999 · 25/01/2008 15:19

Lisslou - you are not rubbish at it!! You have ds! My cousins wife had a baby and then tried again....it took her 10 years and then 2 came along in quick succession!

Fingers crossed for you on Thursday....

Does this mean that the coffee shop is closed this afternoon.....

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 25/01/2008 15:20

i shall open it now! got stinking cold which isnt helping!

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anorak · 25/01/2008 15:30

Can you imagine if a man accused you of being 'rubbish at it'? We'd all be outraged! Give yourself a break and don't think such negative things about yourself. I bet your ds thinks you're the most wonderful person in the world.

I thought when I read your thread title that you were going to say that you had been rude or unkind about your BF's DW, but you haven't. I am sure they understand why you're not jumping for joy. You've done nothing wrong. Not useless, not bitter. Just understandably sensitive on that subject. Please stop being so hard on yourself.

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 25/01/2008 15:34

no, i told him how pleased i am for them and that if they need anything to give me a shout. he rang me to tell me before we met up, because he does understand how difficult it is for me, but i just wish i still had that faith in fate/god/whatever.

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chipmonkey · 25/01/2008 15:56

Oh, lissie, it's natural to feel the way you do. Let me confess something, I have 3 boys and every time someone close to me has a baby girl, I get jealous as hell and think "Why can't that be me?" And this when my boys are healthy and I love them to bits and would never swap any one of them for a girl! Of course it's upsetting for you when something that should be "natural" is such a struggle and other people just have to look at each other and get pregnant!

Ready · 25/01/2008 16:00

Hugs. Look after yourself.

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 25/01/2008 16:01

thank you. i feel so guilty for being resentful and bleak about things. but, i suppose it natural, and theres nothing i can do about my feelings!

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scorpio1 · 25/01/2008 16:05

don't feel guilty lissie, you especially have every right to these feelings.

Hopefully your new onsultants will help you like you deserve.

Ready · 25/01/2008 16:08

Exactly! We cannot help the way we feel, everything you are feeling, others are too - you are not alone, and so you should not feel guilty. It is natural to feel the way you do. Take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up. Good luck next week.

herbaceous · 25/01/2008 16:09

I feel it too. As I've droned on about here before, my (younger) sis is pregnant with her third, conceived about a month after they decided they might try for another baby. It sent me absolutely doolally. I can still hardly face her, but she already thinks I'm a shit aunt to her other two children, so I have to press on. Going to kiddies birthday parties, and all that, even though I feel inadequate and miserable for not being able to produce children of my own, and being looked down on by the smug mummies.

I have some sort of merit system in my head: I don't mind someone I know who's had terrible difficulty getting pregnant, but bitterly resent those for whom it's easy.

It's official - I'm a cow. But I don't really care!

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 25/01/2008 16:19

i do that too herby, its not that those who have struggled are more deserving of a baby, but im less jealous of them iykwim.

oh, and you are not a shit auntie, if she doesnt understand then she's a shit sister!

OP posts:

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 25/01/2008 17:24

sorry, that sounded very harsh.

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sparklesandwine · 25/01/2008 17:38

lissie i can't even begin to understand what you are going through and have been through, but you do know you are being too hard on yourself don't you? you are nor rubbish at and i'm pretty sure your a fab friend

Your BF is your BF and as you have said he does understand what you are going through and i'm sure that they will try to do all they can to support you as you will them

I really do hope that you get some answers on thursday and that you can start to look forward

((((sending positive vibes and lots of hugs to you))))

herbaceous · 25/01/2008 17:41

Also, I suppose we need to remember that when pregnant, however briefly, it's all you can think about, and sensitivity to others can go out the window, however nice and decent a person you are normally.

Pruners · 25/01/2008 17:43

Message withdrawn

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 25/01/2008 19:03

it does, and i suppose i feel the same. i wouldnt wish what we've been through on anyone, i just wish it was easier.

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Pruners · 25/01/2008 19:33

Message withdrawn

Peachy · 25/01/2008 19:42

Don't beat tourself up Lisie, you know its normal to feel ths way. Your ds is lucky to have you and there is a chance that you will yet have another baby- at elast things are moving Consultant wise now!

fwiw I felt awfully jealous of a mum at school who is having a girl- I have 3 boys and another on the way, I'm happy to have a boy but because 2 of mine are autistic I know that the risks of this one being as well are much higher for a boy, as she had 1 of each and both ehalthy it seemed unfair even though of course my rational side doesn't work like that and I wouldnt swap my kids for the world.

Rationality doesnt come into it and there was no malice in it for me- as there isn't for you. be kind to yourself!

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 26/01/2008 09:38

thanks everyone for reassuring me. i feel much better today, im excited about this month, in the 2ww now and feeling positive. even if it hasnt happened this time, on thurs we go back to liverpool, so thats something to look forward to...

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whomovedmychocolate · 26/01/2008 10:01

You would be mad not to feel sad that it's not you! I came home and sobbed every time someone I knew got pregnant. And now I'm pregnant and I have a friend who does the same every time she sees me. But remember where there is life there's hope. If it can happen to them, it can happen to you (and probably will very soon) so long as you don't get into the mindset where you believe it's not going to happen to you - try and stay positive. It does help.

LilRedWG · 26/01/2008 11:27

(((Lissie))) You are not a bitter cow at all!

poppy75 · 28/01/2008 17:07

lissie - hello just popped into mn again and totally understand how you are feeling. 3 out of 4 of my good friends are pg or just had baby. I mc 18 months ago and nothing since! I think it is really natural for you to think like this. We all are hoping so much that it is a real slap in the face when people sneeze and end up pregnant.

Ready - I am so the same, if someone has been really trying for a long time or had difficulties I seem to be so much happier for them.

It is so wierd how this ttc completely makes you go insane and all your normal generous feelings go out the window. I don't think I have ever felt this over anything in life. Am still trying to be really positive and I think all we've been through will help us when we become mums, I'll never be the smug mummy who is constantly asking everyone when they are going to start, as 'you don't want to leave it too long', or 'life was so superficial before we had kids!'

mistlethrush · 28/01/2008 17:14

I agree... Still getting the 'do you think you'll have another one?' questions... Have now started answering with the.. 'well, 2 mc down the line, who knows' - might be a bit up front, but serves them right for asking.

Yes, I too get v when it happens just like that for people (as for secretary at work - married 3 months, then fell pregnant, as planned). with knobs on.

So, Lissie - you're not awful thinking what you are - we are too. You've not said anything unkind, and he knows its hard for you - hopefully he'll allow you sufficient space to be able to cope.

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