Hi so I'm on here looking for some advice and just a listening ear. Me (31F) and my partner (38M) have been TTC for about 5 years with no luck. We started as we'll just stop, stop trying then it turned into ok we need to look into more. I went through numerous checks with the GP as I was having irregular cycles but nothing come of that, all tests came back clear and they said we needed to make a joint appointment. Then Covid hit and we both became extremely busy in work and decided to hold of for a while and said we won't stop trying but we'll just not put so much pressure on us and if it happens then we'll be over the moon. We'll last year we started trying again - Tracking ovulation (Which I have noticed that some months I don't have a fertility window just get a positive on the day I'm ovulating. I don't know if thats normal but its happened more then once so now thinking this may be a bigger issue then we first thought) etc. But again no luck so we made the joint appointment. We were both told to lose weight which we have both put on over the past few years and my partner had his test sent through first.
We got his results on Monday and have basically been told we won't be able to conceive naturally as his mobility it too low. They said not all hope is lost as they will now refer us to the fertility clinic and they'll try IUI and go further if needed after my tests results. But we are both devastated we haven't lost all hope but we just can't shake that feeling,
something that should come naturally to us has been took away. I'm having panic attacks (which i have always suffered with) just thinking about my tests that we haven't even got appointments for yet and what the results may be on them. What if I also have something wrong with me and then thinking further to whats actually involved in IUI.
We are very early on this journey but I don't know how to handle it. None of our family or friends know the struggles we are going through and I don't want them to know yet but I feel like I need to get it out and tell someone. We both have a very close family and they would be very supportive but I want to keep this between us for now. People have noticed in my workplace that have been sad for the past few days but can't talk to them as I feel like just crying everytime I think about it.
I suppose everyone feels like this but at the moment I don't know what to do. I just needed to tell someone, anyone thats not my partner.