Same sex couple/ Things i wish we knew before IUI

[2mumsttc]

Hello everyone,

I thought I’d share our journey so far, in the hope that others wanting to begin their ttc journey can take some helpful info from this, wether it be because your a same sex couple or your new to IUI.
I’ll be sharing a list of things I wish we knew before starting our private IUI and journey as a whole.

Me and my wife are both 26 and began our journey feb 2022 with Manchester Fertility, we have had 6 rounds of IUI, all unsuccessful. We have spent £9,000 and now we have started the referral process for NHS fertility treatment (I will update on this process as and when)

1. first off, the success rate for IUI is LOW, as low as 8-10%. This is research found for couples with no known fertility issues.
2. ask for add-ons , they aren’t (at Manchester fertility) telling you everything you COULD have available to you, they see you ‘should’ get pregnant and don’t offer extra measures, but you CAN ask and it literally costs £39 for a trigger injection. We only found this out on our 6th cycle and it’s my biggest regret. You can also ask for day 21 progesterone blood tests (used to confirm if you ovulated or not).
3. medication - when we reached 3 failed IUI’s we attended a follow up consultation, we spoke about medication to stimulate ovulation and egg release (they said not necessary because I had positive OPK’s). I wish id pushed for it harder. (Hindsight is the worst)
4. You can LH surge at night! Our clinic told us to test mornings only, I ignored them and low and behold my surges were ALWAYS detected around 6-9pm at night. This majorly effects timing so be aware of your own body. Ovulation is ‘24-36’ hours post LH surge and they sim to get you in 24 hours after your positive opk. Had I waited till morning, 12 hours later, we’d be on the cusp of bad timing every time.
5. monitoring scans- these are not included at Manchester fertility, ask your clinic as they should be. These scans can monitor your follicles and the size they are reaching, can indicate perfect trigger injection timing and can save a wasted cycle!
6. The initial blood test and scans do NOT include your falopian tubes - I really did not know that after 6 failed cycles they didn’t know if my tubes were even open or not, after all I’d had internal & external scans, why would I think we could be missing a piece! It’s called a HyCosy and Manchester fertility charge £750 for this, I still don’t know if mine are blocked because by the time we learnt of this scan, we had already paid in full for 6 cycles, non refundable so no matter what the results would be, we’d be continuing. we are now hoping to access this test when our nhs refferal for treatment kicks in.
7. the Two week wait after IUI is chaos, you will probably ‘feel’ symptoms but please bare in mind that spotting, bloating, cramps, twinges are all IUI symptoms too!
8. have a full bladder before you go in for procedure, it’s makes it much easier for the catheter to pass through your cervix.
9. don’t lose hope, if you’ve decided for whatever reason IUI is for you, then take all the tests and extras and give it your all, I know some women who got pregnant first try, 3rd, 6th try & 7th. Everyone is different.
10. You can ask what the sperm count (donor for us ) was in each cycle, they won’t tell you, some cycles we had 32mil some were less, but they do have a minimum that they will accept, but it’s reassuring to know your sample was at the higher end.
11. IVF sounds expensive, but again hindsight is a b*tch and if we had spent £1-2k more we could have had IVF. Please research what is best for your money, trying for a baby is money well spent, but I’m our case, spending our money on 2 cycles at 50% chance would have been better than 6 cycles at an 8-10%

I had every random symptom under then sun, so please save yourself the money and emotional turmoil and don’t spend £50 a month on early detection tests! Day 12-13 dpo seems to be the common for true positives on FRER’s .

wishing everyone all the luck in the world 💗💗

Just to add, we chose Manchester fertility for one very good reason that made them stand out from the rest and it’s a huge reason.
With manchester fertility, you can book 3 cycle packages, which basically gives you your 3rd for free, if you get pregnant on cycle 1 and lose the baby, you can still access cycles 2&3. MOST CLINICS DONT OFFER THIS, it’s awful in my opinion, but most clinics offering packages end with a ‘pregnancy’ so if you lose the pregnancy in cycle 1 you also lose the other 2 cycles left in your package.
Manchester fertility is based on ‘live birth’.
god forbid anything happens, you can return when your ready to use your other cycles paid for.
please ask this question before you commit to a clinic for multi cycle packages of IUI.

Hi, we are also using Manchester Fertility for the exact same reason and my first insemination is tomorrow!

luckily I knew about most of these things before going into this because I had watched plenty of YouTube videos on peoples journey and know that some of the people had similar situations to you and either had to keep going back or switched it early to IVF.

can I ask why you didn’t ask for the HyCosy to be performed if this is what you wanted? Of course you would have to pay the £750 for the test however it for sure would have changed your treatment package had you of had results showing blocked tubes since this would mean the package you chose couldn’t go ahead as planned and would have needed tweaks.

It is also strange they told you it was non refundable because when I paid for mine I was made aware every step that if I decide to not go ahead it is all refundable up until the point of starting treatment. Even now we have done this during the time of strikes so the chances are we may not be able to come as scheduled (we live in London) so knowing if it could be refunded or not early on was a big thing for me.

Correct me if I’m wrong but a trigger shot is there to trigger ovulation is it not? You never said you had any issues ovulating so I’m not sure if this shot would have made a difference to you especially since you can’t trigger ovulation directly after you ovulated.

Did you get told to use the clear blue 2 fertile days ovulation predictor test? If so did you only use that one test or also use other to back it up?

I decided to use a cheaper test strip set alongside the clear blue so I can get a more accurate reading and when it come closer to the time I knew I would be ovulating I switched it to adding clear blue and also because I’m a day sleeper I tested before I went to sleep at 3am and got my positive then and so I waited around today at 8am to call them up to book in for tomorrow.

Im also wondering why you chose to pay for 6 cycles instead of 3 cycles first? Because then you wouldn’t have felt locked into in without getting additional stuff and should the 3 not be successful you could have decided then if you want to go for another 3 or skip to IVF then.

I have no known fertility issues, had my testing and all come back normal but I didn’t go for a HyCosy scan however if things are not successful then I can at least ask for the test during my package instead of waiting until I pay out for another package.

I am very worried about the whole procedure tomorrow to be fair. Speculums in themselves are not nice and I only had a smaller speculum (not sure if you can ask Manchester for smaller ones?) but having a catheter put into your cervix is something that makes me quite anxious as I don’t know how much pain that will cause and what to expect!

I was told today I must have a full bladder so I will try to make sure that happens however our trip is 4 hours up there so I cannot hold my bladder the whole way 😬.

thanks for this thread, I’m happy to see someone else that has used Manchester recently as most are from years ago.

I also forgot to ask, did your wife get to push the sperm in or did she just have to sit and hold your hand? I know some where their partners can take part but I don’t know about Manchester 🤔

I had a hycosy but because they thought there was an issue on a scan not routine. It cost about £450 from a different clinic so I would advise shopping around for the cheapest option, you don't have to have it done at your own clinic.

The timing thing is so true, frozen sperm apparently only live for 6 hours once inserted unlike fresh sperm which lasts for a while so the window of opportunity is so small. I do wish my clinic had done more monitoring as they did absolutely nothing so I'm sure the timing was off many times. I didn't find my clinic particularly clued up on the research.

We got pregnant on third IUI but when trying for a second child still no pregnancy 6 IUIs later, not even a hint of anything working. IVF worked first time though, in hindsight I do wish we had moved to IVF earlier to save all the cost and heartache. It's eye wateringly expensive plus getting through 9 vials of sperm which cost a grand each.

The other thing I recognised is that every clinic is so different. Ours was very hands off and it's off putting reading about other people on the internet getting more intervention although I'm not sure it makes much difference.

So I'm kind of jury out as it did work for us first time round but now with everything I know I realise we were just very lucky.

AccessFertility also offer this.

Hi, yes my wife did push the sperm you just have to mention that’s your wishes and mention again when they are inserting catheter so they don’t forgot (they did forget once and we were all mortified)

As for HyCosy, no one mentioned this untill we’d done cycle 4, so we’d already began our 2nd multicycle package of 3 if that makes sense.

please don’t be too worried, it really doesn’t hurt and I experienced cramping a few times but not all, it’s hard to get the bladder thing right though, too full is uncomfortable but not full enough makes it harder for them.

good luck x

hey, I’m on my TWW now 😬. Got hardly any sleep before leaving and was such a long journey!

We actually never asked about her pushing the syringe 🤦🏽‍♀️ We had so many questions and then some complications so it took much longer than it usually does I think we were both just happy we got through it and it still went ahead!

I have not experienced any kind of symptoms like cramping and pains etc. I did however get told about brown blood because I think the nurse saw it while she was doing everything. So I have been having a weird brown bleeding since it happened.. I’m guessing it will clear up by tomorrow?

I actually didn’t feel the catheter AT ALL! That was really surprising because I had prepared myself for a load of pain and in fact I didn’t even feel a thing! Like nothing happened (if I wasn’t bleeding with small pieces of flesh I would be none the wiser).

oh you was at the end of your packages? That makes sense! It’s funny because my gf asked about antibiotics and she said they give them for the HyCosy scan but that’s all really but if I felt any concern like I needed any I should bring it up and they will prescribe some.. but I think they assume you already know about the HyCosy by the way they casually bring it up.

I have no idea what to expect from now on but I’m just going to go with the flow

Hi! So sorry I hadn’t replied, how are things going? We’re currently in a very long wait list for NHS IVF at the womens hospital Liverpool. They told me this morning they are only just dealing with July refferals and sending their initial testing appointments out now, so we’re not moving forward for a very long time.

so tempted to try for a 7th IUI with Manchester but don’t want to throw more money down the drain.

That’s Alright, we was not successful which I just had a hunch was the case!

we are now on our 2nd cycle, insemination was this week and again in the TWW.

we actually asked if my partner could push the sperm in before we went this time and they told us it is against their protocol so in the end my gf was unable to push the sperm in again. The first nurse we got was so lovely we figured we would just ask the nurse when the time comes however when we got there we got a completely different nurse and she was the complete opposite! She wasn’t horrible but she was older and didn’t speak much and barely acknowledged my gf and seemed quite dismissive so decided to not even bother rock the boat!

I have decided after this one I don’t think I’m going to go back next month like I did this time, I may wait until either the end of the year (so the month after that) or wait until next year because I want to be able to drive up there which will be longer but I cannot take that train ride😭.

last time I had weird spotting after the procedure that lasted for about 2/3 days but this time there was nothing. I have a lot of stuff to do during this TWW so I’m hoping I won’t notice it go by as much as the last one but it’s a big confidence knock when it doesn’t work.

Im sorry to hear about your long wait… that’s the issue with the NHS, they are so long! I hope it speeds up soon!

I love Manchester Fertility and all but like I said before the journey is too much and above all we have spent over 1k in travel expenses getting up there so it’s just crazy! If we choose to do another cycle of IUI I for sure will stay in London and pay the extra cost (Manchester is way cheaper than anywhere in London) because adding the travel expenses and taxi rides I’m sure it all adds up to near the same!

Do you know how long you will have to wait? And if you did go again would you do another package or just a single? I would shop around for where is the cheapest and many find leaving England is cheaper so look into that also.

It is disappointing we know that all to well, every month just keep your hopes up because it could just be the month!

I think by the time we’ve had initial gynaecologist consult in a few months, you then have 8-10 week wait for follow up to tell you the results of the app. plan is drawn up there, then take that plan and apply for funding, wait for funding to be accepted which I’ve heard is the shortest wait of all the waits (10-14 days).

then you take the funding approval and plan to the ivf clinic and wait again for them to get you in and bloods and drug teaches ect. Easily looking at almost a year I think!

if you guys do wait, just be mindful that Manchester fertility only allow your testing to be valid for 6 months, if you need a third try (fingers crossed you don’t) then factor that in to avoid further costs!

fingers crossed for you!

Oh a year is such a long time considering you have already been waiting a while while trying 😫.

you know I actually had a bit of a moment just before my first cycle where I wasn’t sure if I wanted to wait a little longer or do you first attempt the very never cycle.. I had already had my testing done and paid all my bills and so I just had to come down for the procedure at that point.

I contacted them through their app to ask how long I can take before my first attempt.. there was the added issue of train strikes on all my trips up there, the first attempt was saved from train strike on the day I was going as the queen had died, this time strikes was a few days before!

they told me I can have as long as I needed and I don’t need to stress myself trying to rush down there since I have already paid my money now. I even commented on their website saying I only had a set amount of time from the moment you have your tests and said I was worried incase I go outside the time frame and they confirmed with me that it is actually valid for a few years so I have nothing to worry about and reassured me not to stress..

I told them if this cycle wasn’t successful I would likely return the following year and they said that was no problem.. January would mark about 7 months since my tests and they said it would be okay. Especially since I have that in writing it should be okay.

but I really hope I won’t have to come back.

after all 3 if it isn’t successful I might just go straight to ivf, I'm paying out of pocket anyway it’s best I don’t keep wasting money on IUIs that might not work again.. IVF also might not work first go so would have to find good offers on packages.

Do either yourself or your partner already have children?

after our first 3 cycles, we spent so long going back and forth over wether to do 3 more or to pay for multi-cycle IVF outright, then we realised one day if we pay for 3 more IUI’s we’ve spent around 9-10k all in and would be eligible for nhs help (same sex criteria here requires 6 privately paid for IUI’s with no pregnancy before you can get help).

we figured having 3 more goes drastically ups our chances and if it doesn’t work then we’d be (eventually) getting the IVF anyway via nhs. That’s essentially what decided it for us.

Granted, i never thought we’d actually end up here on this waiting list though. I remember our 6th cycle of IUI I was almost certain I was pregnant, it starts to take it toll and every thing I could class as a symptom I would 😂

my point is, even though yes we will be waiting a while, the £10k we spent on unsuccessful IUI’s is essentially paying for hopefully 3 rounds of IVF!

As for them telling you it’s valid for a few years, I would double triple check, it was only a couple of months back I was asking to take a break before my 6th cycle and they told me my testing would run out and they could only grant me say 1 month break and that was put across to me like it was a favour. Anything after that they said is over 6/7 months and tests would be invalid x

No we don’t have any previous children, we never enquired via the NHS so am not sure what our eligibility would be here however I know a few ss couples have been granted treatment here without having to go through the process of trying 6 times.

We did consider asking on the NHS but decided against it because we decided to try it alone and we also don’t have great lick with our local practitioners and nothing goes through as it is with them so know it’s the difference between trying now or in the next few years and I’m already 30 now so waiting a few more years means they will push IVF which I really didn’t want to consider.

we have the ability to pay for an IVF package if this one doesn’t work out and think it would be best to save the money on future IUIs after this one to put towards one set of IVF.. we may even go abroad for it just to take off some added costs.

did you ever look at going abroad?

and hmm.. I will ask again about the time we have until we have to do tests again but to be honest we have already decided we won’t be returning to them so I will for sure ask if it is okay to set up a treatment cycle for January and if that would be okay then that would be the last time we are planning to be with them anyway.

Even when they said we will have a pregnancy scan once we get a positive test, that was something we decided not to go for because as much as we paid for that scan, again we are looking at just under £500 just to get up there so it makes the cost of that one scan so much more than we originally paid.

I’m also seeing people had many scans in the lead up to treatment and certain tests that regardless if it is included or not, I have not gone through or even been told about.. I don’t know what those tests are for but I’m wondering if they would be detrimental to success 🤔

Just wanted to update, I got my bfp today.. I tested a few days ago so knew I was pregnant from the weekend but was still nervous it might change somehow by today 🤦🏽‍♀️.

Im so happy I don’t need to worry about how long I can extend the next IUI to!

Omg!! Amazing news, so happy for you both, what a blessing and worth all the questioning and waiting! x

Thank you so much.. I honestly started reading so many fertility journeys on here and realised how different mine was and wondered if that would be the difference in us being successful or not.. like the fact that we didn’t have monitoring of the follicles like many others and the fact that I was just hoping the ovulation predictor was correct and I was ovulating.. I even started worrying about blocked tubes and if I should consider a HyCoSy!

I knew I was pregnant at least 5 days before testing 😂 Manchester have been so lovely the whole way and even now I have been successful! Now I need to book my first scan but somewhere local to me.

What we’re your symptoms? Or did you just generally feel pregnant this time round?

so happy for your success

Last week my boobs really started hurting, when I got in the shower on Thursday I noticed my chest was really veiny which it NEVER is! A bit T.M.I (which I don’t see anyone mentioning anywhere) but I started having quite a lot of vaginal discharge.. very loose but slimy.. almost like ovulation but a lot more! I kept checking to see if my period came early!

I was having dizzy spells, headaches, extreme fatigue and cramping. Very slight nausea but it comes and goes.. I decided to take a cheap test on Friday and it was a very faint positive. I decided to take two more tests on Saturday to see if the lines were getting darker and they were! This was 10 and 11 DPO and so my official test was due today.

I have been non stop peeing, and more hungry and thirsty than usual. Luckily the dizziness has died down now and the boob pain is starting to calm down a lot but they are a lot heavier now and a bit bigger (but nothing dramatic yet).

honestly the fatigue and boob pain has been the biggest pain in the butt for me. My new symptom to start today has been constipation… ooh the joys!

I have a driving exam in two weeks and I’m really hoping if I get morning sickness I can make it past that day without anything because that would be a nightmare!

Thank you so much for your congratulations, I really appreciate it and I’m still trying to process it actually working lol

Oh I forgot to mention, the initial symptoms I got were the standard symptoms I get when my period is on it’s way like the sore boobs and hot and cold flashes so the last time I felt those same standard symptoms the first time round.. but it didn’t really get any more than that.. This time however it seemed there were new symptoms and the ones that were not so new were now suddenly really intense. I have been tired for a while now but this tiredness is like you have only been getting a few hours of sleep for weeks and decided to pull a all nighter! I feel like I need naps and when I do go to sleep I can’t sleep well or wake up really early for no reason!

my two cats and dog have been following me around like they are lost also… so strange but I’m guessing they can smell something is off already lol