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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Partner wasting fertile days…

42 replies

Mydogteddy · 16/09/2022 13:47

not being in the mood or whatever when its my fertile days.. this has happened a few times now so its months/ cycles wasted.
money on tests, expensive vitamins all wasted, plus not getting any younger
wish we didn’t need a man sometimes
is anyone else partner this way

OP posts:

GG1986 · 16/09/2022 18:51

Stop telling him when fertile days are and have sex regularly through the month and every other day when fertile. If he is avoiding sex only during fertile months then you need a serious talk about why?

Original poster

Mydogteddy · 16/09/2022 19:00

We don’t do it a lot which is why i was tracking or itd not likely happen considering ages too

i have asked him if hes sure and he said yes

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 16/09/2022 19:03

He may well be saying yes to avoid the inevitable conversation.
Look at his actions.
Are they the actions of someone who wants a baby?
They are not.

frogswimming · 16/09/2022 19:04

My dh used to find it a real turn off to have to have sex on fertile days, like it was a chore rather than fun.

BloodAndFire · 16/09/2022 19:12

He doesn't want to have a baby.

Teenprobs · 16/09/2022 19:29

I've no idea when I conceived my baby it certainly was no where near my window so it can happen OP. X

HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 16/09/2022 19:35

My husband is like this too. I think some people are being a bit unfair on the OP's partner. My husband wants a baby and sibling for our son but doesn't want to have sex on demand especially after a long day a work.

As frustrating as it is for me to miss fertile days, I tried to relax the situation a bit. I'm not going on about fertile windows anymore not to trick him but to try and keep sex as being fun / romantic not a task that has to be done on certain days.

BearBibble · 16/09/2022 21:20

I don't think it means he doesn't want a baby. My DH also found the pressure of performing on fertile days really off putting, but he very much wanted a child. There's a myth that every man's sex drive is such that they merely need to glimpse a woman's body and they're ready to have sex, but that's just not true. My DH really, really disliked feeling like a sperm donor or like there were certain days where I only wanted him for his swimmers, and no amount of sexy lingerie could override that once I'd mentioned "ovulation", "fertile" or similar! Once I stopped telling him about my cycle and just regularly initiated and/or responded to sex, we ended up having sex during my fertile days much more often.
As an aside, no man who is knowingly having unprotected sex with a woman of childbearing age is being "tricked" into having a baby with her, regardless of whether she's briefed him on the state of her cervical mucous or not.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 16/09/2022 21:46

If he's sure he wants a baby, could you discuss with him not disclosing when your fertile days are? You can be aware of them but if you just initiate sex throughout the month, including your fertile days, he'll not feel like he has to perform as he'll be none the wiser whether it's D day or just Friday??

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/09/2022 22:18

IncompleteSenten · 16/09/2022 19:03

He may well be saying yes to avoid the inevitable conversation.
Look at his actions.
Are they the actions of someone who wants a baby?
They are not.

This. Sorry op, this is a man who may say he wants a baby but whose actions are indicating otherwise. Is he avoiding a difficult convo, or just put off by being expected to ’perform’? You need to discuss this - don’t have a baby with a man who doesn’t actually want one with you.

Superhanz · 16/09/2022 22:31

Aged 37 I hadn't had any luck in getting pregnant, we decided to knuckle down and give it everything but with the pressure mounting DH sometimes suffered from performance anxiety. Our sex life was good the rest of the month, it was just the fertile days were an issue.

I ended up buying some soft cups and giving DH a helping hand 😉 using the cup. Kept it in over night and 2 months later I was pregnant. It's not romantic but it's a means to an end and it meant we were able to do 5 or 6 nights in a row.

felulageller · 16/09/2022 22:34

When someone shows you who they are believe them.

He might be saying yes to the question of wanting a baby but if he actually did want one he'd have sex at the appropriate time.

Best you find this out now than later.

SimonaRazowska · 16/09/2022 22:38

Well, he does not sound like he really wants a baby all that much

are you sure he really wants a baby? How old is he? Does he have children from a previous relationship?

Cameleongirl · 16/09/2022 22:39

I’d stop worrying about your fertile days and just have sex regularly. We never thought about fertile days, we just DTD. It was far less stressful.

Good luck. 💐

SandyY2K · 16/09/2022 22:41

I don't think he wants a baby as much as you do. His actions speak volumes.

Stickly · 16/09/2022 22:51

I'm going to echo previous poster. Between performance anxiety and general fatigue self insemination is a godsend. It takes the pressure right off, if that's what his issue is at least. A discussion definitley needs to be had.

Tina8800 · 17/09/2022 03:00

When we tried for the baby, my husband was extremely excited about my fertility days as he got unlimited sex 🤣 we both were enjoying it and hoping for a baby but there was no pressure; if it happens happens if not, next month. Even if we were extreamly busy or/and tired we always found time for it!
You either pressure him too much with the dates and tests and such, or he just doesn't feel the rush to have a baby. Either way, you need to talk and find a way that works for both of you.
It is hard not to go crazy about these things, especially if you feel you are running out of time, but you both have to be on the same page for this to happen!

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